| Jung Ideal vs. Real Test
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Monday, December 27, 2010
My personality.... supposedly
I find it interesting that my ideal and real results were so similar with just a few minor changes. Hmmm....
Take Free Jung Ideal vs. Real Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
personality tests by similarminds.com
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Oh Well... A Bittersweet Moment
Finals are done! Finally... I'm quite sad about this as well though. I will miss my classes and teachers and people in my classes, though I'm sure I'll see most of them next semester... I think I've advised against this before, but do not, for the sake of your sanity and the sanity of those around you, I repeat, do Not take 5 upper division courses in one semester. You will stress out nonstop and practically go crazy with insanity... so, unless you want to live a hectic lifestyle, be more well-rounded in class schedules; take 4 upper division courses and a few fun classes instead (my schedule next semester). And, if you set crazy goals for yourself like, say, a 4.0 semester, you will go even crazier!
I really am so glad that I decided to do the psychology degree though. The things I've learned about the topic, and myself, have been very insightful. And I hope that someday I can use my knowledge to help the current and future generations. Psych is the perfect program for me though... see, I love the science part; the part where I can conduct experiments, do research, apply my knowledge to help improve the understanding of the human mind. But, I also love the philosophy part as well; coming up with ideas that are new, perhaps a little out there, and exciting.
Lol, many people are probably thinking this chick needs to get a life... yes, I would have to agree with you there. No more details here though.
Well, it's getting late. I know, this sounds a lot more like a journal entry than a blog entry, but oh well.
I really am so glad that I decided to do the psychology degree though. The things I've learned about the topic, and myself, have been very insightful. And I hope that someday I can use my knowledge to help the current and future generations. Psych is the perfect program for me though... see, I love the science part; the part where I can conduct experiments, do research, apply my knowledge to help improve the understanding of the human mind. But, I also love the philosophy part as well; coming up with ideas that are new, perhaps a little out there, and exciting.
Lol, many people are probably thinking this chick needs to get a life... yes, I would have to agree with you there. No more details here though.
Well, it's getting late. I know, this sounds a lot more like a journal entry than a blog entry, but oh well.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
A Christmas Message, More or Less
Wow... goodness, it's been a long time since I last posted. Let's see... a lot has happened in my life. Some really good things, some really bad things, but I think I'm going to focus on the positive.
School is almost done! I can't wait until December 17th. Then, I will finally be done with finals, done with papers, done with classes, and done with this semester! Not that I haven't enjoyed my classes; I have. I just wish I could focus on some classes in much more depth than others. But when time is so scarce, I don't have the time to pursue exactly what I want to pursue.
Enough about school... I am stoked for Christmas this year! I finally have money and can buy good presents for my family. I'm also really excited to start singing Christmas songs and making candies. The Christmas season itself is so much better than Christmas morning. Most people find this odd, but my favorite holiday isn't Christmas, it's Christmas Eve (I know it's not technically a holiday, but oh well). That's the day that I get to spend with my family completely; we have a huge dinner, talk, sit around and sing songs, open special presents, and enjoy one another's company. That's what Christmas should be about: family, love, the "spirit of Christmas."
My mom was reading in a magazine the other day about a tradition this lady started with her children. Every year, her and her kids would decide on 24 good deeds that they could perform throughout the month of December, leading up to Christmas. Each day, they would randomly pick a deed, and once they finished this deed, they would put it in their jar. These deeds were simple things like holding the door open for someone or picking up a piece of trash. On Christmas Eve, the mom would put all of the jars under the Christmas tree so Santa could see all of the good things the children had done throughout the month. I love this idea. Wouldn't life be a much better place if we could do a good deed for someone every day? Not just in the month of December, but all year 'round.
This story really changed how I've been looking at each day ahead of me. If I look forward to the day with a bright smile and lots of energy, I have a much better day, I'm less stressed, and I feel good about myself. Soemtimes I wish I could share my happiness and joy with others, and what better time to do this than Christmas?
Service really is the best way to happiness. Choosing to follow Christ's footsteps every single day, making the conscience decision that you will follow Him is possible, plausible, and protective in nature. I am so blessed to have a knowledge of the truth of the gospel in my life. It has changed everything about me; about how I look at events; about how I look at others. It's rather quite simple. Just start choosing to be happy, and the rest will fall into place. Life really is wonderful, we just have to consciously choose to make the best of each and every day.
The sure way to peace and happiness in this life and life hereafter is to serve the Lord today and everyday. Choose this day whom ye will serve. God will take care of the rest.
And if I don't post on here again until after Christmas, Merry Christmas! Keep the true meaning in your hearts and don't let the commercialized version get to your heads. :)
School is almost done! I can't wait until December 17th. Then, I will finally be done with finals, done with papers, done with classes, and done with this semester! Not that I haven't enjoyed my classes; I have. I just wish I could focus on some classes in much more depth than others. But when time is so scarce, I don't have the time to pursue exactly what I want to pursue.
Enough about school... I am stoked for Christmas this year! I finally have money and can buy good presents for my family. I'm also really excited to start singing Christmas songs and making candies. The Christmas season itself is so much better than Christmas morning. Most people find this odd, but my favorite holiday isn't Christmas, it's Christmas Eve (I know it's not technically a holiday, but oh well). That's the day that I get to spend with my family completely; we have a huge dinner, talk, sit around and sing songs, open special presents, and enjoy one another's company. That's what Christmas should be about: family, love, the "spirit of Christmas."
My mom was reading in a magazine the other day about a tradition this lady started with her children. Every year, her and her kids would decide on 24 good deeds that they could perform throughout the month of December, leading up to Christmas. Each day, they would randomly pick a deed, and once they finished this deed, they would put it in their jar. These deeds were simple things like holding the door open for someone or picking up a piece of trash. On Christmas Eve, the mom would put all of the jars under the Christmas tree so Santa could see all of the good things the children had done throughout the month. I love this idea. Wouldn't life be a much better place if we could do a good deed for someone every day? Not just in the month of December, but all year 'round.
This story really changed how I've been looking at each day ahead of me. If I look forward to the day with a bright smile and lots of energy, I have a much better day, I'm less stressed, and I feel good about myself. Soemtimes I wish I could share my happiness and joy with others, and what better time to do this than Christmas?
Service really is the best way to happiness. Choosing to follow Christ's footsteps every single day, making the conscience decision that you will follow Him is possible, plausible, and protective in nature. I am so blessed to have a knowledge of the truth of the gospel in my life. It has changed everything about me; about how I look at events; about how I look at others. It's rather quite simple. Just start choosing to be happy, and the rest will fall into place. Life really is wonderful, we just have to consciously choose to make the best of each and every day.
The sure way to peace and happiness in this life and life hereafter is to serve the Lord today and everyday. Choose this day whom ye will serve. God will take care of the rest.
And if I don't post on here again until after Christmas, Merry Christmas! Keep the true meaning in your hearts and don't let the commercialized version get to your heads. :)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
My Not So Secret Obsession
As I was writing this blog, I realized I may be a little obsessed with school and psychology... bear with me, or don't... either way, it doesn't matter much to me. Writing is a good way to study for tests (in case you were wondering).
Wow. I am really loving my classes. Recently, I wrote a paper for behavioral neuroscience about the effects of meditation on the chemistry and neuronal connections within the brain. It was a pretty epic paper, if I do say so myself. It's too long to post though, and besides, I doubt anyone else would find meditative effects as interesting as I find them. Basic point: meditation changes the chemical release of cortisol, reduces stress, improves the immune system, and activates regions of the brain that are directly tied to the attention networks and pathways, etc., etc., etc. Yes, I'm awesome, I know. Maybe sarcastic fits better...
Social psychology is by far my favorite class though. We're learning about cognitive dissonance theory right now, and it makes complete sense. The jist of the theory is that when people do something contrary to their beliefs, they feel psychological tension (otherwise known as dissonance). This, in turn, causes the person to reflect on their "self" to either change the behavior, attitude about the behavior, or rationalize the behavior. It's amazing what we can tell ourselves to feel better about doing something contrary to our beliefs. We lie to ourselves quite often, I've realized. And we usually don't even realize it! It's a coping mechanism, and it does wonders to our mind and how we think about life and others.
Everyone has cognitive dissonance at some point in their life. I was thinking of putting examples up, but I'll pass on that. I'm sure you can think of them yourself... if you really even care... In fact, if you read this far, I'm shocked.
You should take social psychology; especially if you want to learn a ton about yourself - why you think how you think, why you do what you do, to find your true self. There are plenty of other ways to learn about oneself, but this class has shown me so many different techniques and theories that I am starting to put everything together.
Psychology in general is just a bunch of theories bundled together to make sense of human behavior. I love it! I know of no other person who gets as excited about class as do I. Kinda scary actually...
Anyways, that is about all I wish to share. Live life to the fullest, laugh as if there's no tomorrow, and love like there's no end. Well, there is an end (sort of), but don't worry about it.
The End <-- (see, here it is.)
Wow. I am really loving my classes. Recently, I wrote a paper for behavioral neuroscience about the effects of meditation on the chemistry and neuronal connections within the brain. It was a pretty epic paper, if I do say so myself. It's too long to post though, and besides, I doubt anyone else would find meditative effects as interesting as I find them. Basic point: meditation changes the chemical release of cortisol, reduces stress, improves the immune system, and activates regions of the brain that are directly tied to the attention networks and pathways, etc., etc., etc. Yes, I'm awesome, I know. Maybe sarcastic fits better...
Social psychology is by far my favorite class though. We're learning about cognitive dissonance theory right now, and it makes complete sense. The jist of the theory is that when people do something contrary to their beliefs, they feel psychological tension (otherwise known as dissonance). This, in turn, causes the person to reflect on their "self" to either change the behavior, attitude about the behavior, or rationalize the behavior. It's amazing what we can tell ourselves to feel better about doing something contrary to our beliefs. We lie to ourselves quite often, I've realized. And we usually don't even realize it! It's a coping mechanism, and it does wonders to our mind and how we think about life and others.
Everyone has cognitive dissonance at some point in their life. I was thinking of putting examples up, but I'll pass on that. I'm sure you can think of them yourself... if you really even care... In fact, if you read this far, I'm shocked.
You should take social psychology; especially if you want to learn a ton about yourself - why you think how you think, why you do what you do, to find your true self. There are plenty of other ways to learn about oneself, but this class has shown me so many different techniques and theories that I am starting to put everything together.
Psychology in general is just a bunch of theories bundled together to make sense of human behavior. I love it! I know of no other person who gets as excited about class as do I. Kinda scary actually...
Anyways, that is about all I wish to share. Live life to the fullest, laugh as if there's no tomorrow, and love like there's no end. Well, there is an end (sort of), but don't worry about it.
The End <-- (see, here it is.)
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Procrastinating a Paper
Procrastination. I never thought I'd get so much done while trying to put off writing this paper. I vacuumed my house, went to the store, learned a new song, actually went to the gym, and read an article. Eh, I guess that's not really a ton, but it was more than I'd planned on doing today. Go figure.
This paper is going to drive me crazy I believe... Oh, wait.... I forgot, I kinda got to crazy 3 years ago. Success Academy. Tons of homework. No free time. Yep. Let's just say I am dreading writing it.
Actually, I don't mind writing the paper. It's the research and analyzing the information that I don't care to do. You try reading 4 articles discussing the effects of meditation on neural functioning; 'tis not enjoyable. So, instead of reading all the articles that I should read, I'm just going to write this. I'll read tomorrow, then I'll write my paper, then I can relax this weekend... maybe...
Most likely I'll keep putting this paper off until I absolutely must write it. Procrastination is a required skill for college students. I'm not just saying that - it really is true. No matter what college students do, they always must procrastinate some form of homework, reading, writing, social activity, etc. If I tried to do everything I wanted or needed to do when I wanted or needed to do it, I would never sleep. I'd always be overlapping tasks. Therefore, procrastination is essential to survival in college (and life). Enough said.
Have I ever said that my kitty is the most adorable, sweet, affectionate cat I've ever had? He is, and he is attached to me, and he likes to be carried around like a baby, and I love him - he's adorable and makes me happy. And, I'm terrible at staying on one subject the whole time. I'm also pretty terrible at ending these blogs.
Haha, let's not end just yet. I'm only beginning to procrastinate writing this paper. I'm going to take an idea from Dacy and post my pet peeves. Here it goes:
1. When someone doesn't close the door. I hate open doors, literally.
2. When items are not put in their proper place.
3. Disorganization - enough said.
4. When people don't shut up even though they have nothing intellectual to say anymore.
5. When someone calls me out on my mistakes in public; I know I make them, you don't need to let the rest of the world know as well.
6. When anyone says they'll be "right back" and then take forever to get back. Or when they say they'll do something and it never gets done.
7. When people make drama out of nothing.
These all make me rather upset.
That's all I can think of right now...
Random fact: I'm scared of opening those canned biscuit things. You know, the pillsbury or grands ones that you stick in your fridge. I get very anxious when I have to make them, and almost always jump if they pop open on me. It's ridiculous, I know, yet it still makes my heart race.
So, I should stop procrastinating...
Tomorrow.
This paper is going to drive me crazy I believe... Oh, wait.... I forgot, I kinda got to crazy 3 years ago. Success Academy. Tons of homework. No free time. Yep. Let's just say I am dreading writing it.
Actually, I don't mind writing the paper. It's the research and analyzing the information that I don't care to do. You try reading 4 articles discussing the effects of meditation on neural functioning; 'tis not enjoyable. So, instead of reading all the articles that I should read, I'm just going to write this. I'll read tomorrow, then I'll write my paper, then I can relax this weekend... maybe...
Most likely I'll keep putting this paper off until I absolutely must write it. Procrastination is a required skill for college students. I'm not just saying that - it really is true. No matter what college students do, they always must procrastinate some form of homework, reading, writing, social activity, etc. If I tried to do everything I wanted or needed to do when I wanted or needed to do it, I would never sleep. I'd always be overlapping tasks. Therefore, procrastination is essential to survival in college (and life). Enough said.
Have I ever said that my kitty is the most adorable, sweet, affectionate cat I've ever had? He is, and he is attached to me, and he likes to be carried around like a baby, and I love him - he's adorable and makes me happy. And, I'm terrible at staying on one subject the whole time. I'm also pretty terrible at ending these blogs.
Haha, let's not end just yet. I'm only beginning to procrastinate writing this paper. I'm going to take an idea from Dacy and post my pet peeves. Here it goes:
1. When someone doesn't close the door. I hate open doors, literally.
2. When items are not put in their proper place.
3. Disorganization - enough said.
4. When people don't shut up even though they have nothing intellectual to say anymore.
5. When someone calls me out on my mistakes in public; I know I make them, you don't need to let the rest of the world know as well.
6. When anyone says they'll be "right back" and then take forever to get back. Or when they say they'll do something and it never gets done.
7. When people make drama out of nothing.
These all make me rather upset.
That's all I can think of right now...
Random fact: I'm scared of opening those canned biscuit things. You know, the pillsbury or grands ones that you stick in your fridge. I get very anxious when I have to make them, and almost always jump if they pop open on me. It's ridiculous, I know, yet it still makes my heart race.
So, I should stop procrastinating...
Tomorrow.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Rambling and Whatnot
My fall break schedule: write a 3-5 page paper, start researching for my 10 page paper, read a little bit, catch up on sleep, relax, download music. In that order. Exciting, no?
So, I took two tests today. I studied for one for hours upon hours. The other, I didn't really work hard to study for it, and it definitely showed in my grade. Thank goodness one test score drops. My behavioral neuroscience class is not nearly as difficult as I had presumably thought it would. In fact, I aced my test for that class today. It was too easy...
Anyone want to write a paper for me? I really do not want to write this weekend. Not a research paper at least.
Today was good though. My class had an intense discussion in institute at 9 this morning, but I only remember a little bit about it. We were in Moses 7 in the Pearl of Great Price, and we got on the topic of faith - what it is, and the power that it has, all that jazz... Blew my mind. I wish I could record these discussions and come back to listen to them later when I'm actually awake and thinking correctly.
This guy in my class and I usually discuss these topics as we leave the building. He always has interesting insights and questions in class. I'm fascinated by the things that people wonder, and once the question is said, I start wondering the same thing. Coincidence? No... This is another thing I've learned in institute: there are not coincidences, only miracles God doesn't get credit for. I love that quote now!
I probably shouldn't write here as often and instead write more for class and whatnot. Yes, I believe I have rambled enough for one night.
So, I took two tests today. I studied for one for hours upon hours. The other, I didn't really work hard to study for it, and it definitely showed in my grade. Thank goodness one test score drops. My behavioral neuroscience class is not nearly as difficult as I had presumably thought it would. In fact, I aced my test for that class today. It was too easy...
Anyone want to write a paper for me? I really do not want to write this weekend. Not a research paper at least.
Today was good though. My class had an intense discussion in institute at 9 this morning, but I only remember a little bit about it. We were in Moses 7 in the Pearl of Great Price, and we got on the topic of faith - what it is, and the power that it has, all that jazz... Blew my mind. I wish I could record these discussions and come back to listen to them later when I'm actually awake and thinking correctly.
This guy in my class and I usually discuss these topics as we leave the building. He always has interesting insights and questions in class. I'm fascinated by the things that people wonder, and once the question is said, I start wondering the same thing. Coincidence? No... This is another thing I've learned in institute: there are not coincidences, only miracles God doesn't get credit for. I love that quote now!
I probably shouldn't write here as often and instead write more for class and whatnot. Yes, I believe I have rambled enough for one night.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Pointless Post
I have a new love: New Age music, preferrably piano classics. I've been listening to them all afternoon, and they are considerably lightening my spirits. I always knew that I loved playing piano classics, but I never thought I'd love listening to them this much. I would love to get all of this sheet music someday. Hopefully I'll learn some new songs soon. Honesty by New Age Piano Masters is one of my favorites right now.
Well, my life is pretty uneventful. This blog has no point, basically. I should actually be studying for a couple of tests that I have before fall break, but I decided I will study tomorrow instead. I've done enough homework today, and it's late so I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyways.
Life's full of ups and downs I have realized. One moment may seem like nothing will work, and the next, life is full of bliss and joy. Let's see... that explains my life perfectly. I think most other teenage girls will agree with me on this. Maybe even the whole population. I dunno. I can't speak for anyone besides myself. I prefer not to make rash judgments... but somehow, I end up making them all of the time. Let this not be one of those times.
This has been a pointless post. I hope you enjoy reading about nothing... in fact, I'll actually be shocked if anyone reads this. For the record, I have enjoyed writing it. And, that's all.
Well, my life is pretty uneventful. This blog has no point, basically. I should actually be studying for a couple of tests that I have before fall break, but I decided I will study tomorrow instead. I've done enough homework today, and it's late so I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyways.
Life's full of ups and downs I have realized. One moment may seem like nothing will work, and the next, life is full of bliss and joy. Let's see... that explains my life perfectly. I think most other teenage girls will agree with me on this. Maybe even the whole population. I dunno. I can't speak for anyone besides myself. I prefer not to make rash judgments... but somehow, I end up making them all of the time. Let this not be one of those times.
This has been a pointless post. I hope you enjoy reading about nothing... in fact, I'll actually be shocked if anyone reads this. For the record, I have enjoyed writing it. And, that's all.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
One More Lie
One moment bliss
The next, despair
This train wreck called
Life stills the air
The hope once strong
Has left my soul
Starving for answers
In pain, I mull
Life gets better
That's our lie.
All alone in my room
I yell and cry
The need for peace
Is nigh, but grim.
A search for truth
lies within.
The lullaby of lies
Rocks a baby to sleep
Yet those lies to truth
One day we will reap
Perhaps there is more
Than can truly be seen
Life lives reason.
What will mine mean?
The next, despair
This train wreck called
Life stills the air
The hope once strong
Has left my soul
Starving for answers
In pain, I mull
Life gets better
That's our lie.
All alone in my room
I yell and cry
The need for peace
Is nigh, but grim.
A search for truth
lies within.
The lullaby of lies
Rocks a baby to sleep
Yet those lies to truth
One day we will reap
Perhaps there is more
Than can truly be seen
Life lives reason.
What will mine mean?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Rain and School
A realization just hit me. I have a rather boring life. Day to day, I usually go to school, maybe talk with some friends or watch tv, play piano, do tons of homework, facebook, blog, and sleep. Wake up, and repeat. Wow... Yet, I love my life. It's perfect for me right now. I would like to have more excitement sometimes, but I think tests, friends, and school in general cause me enough anxiety and stress. Why throw in new stressors on top of all of that?
Making connections with people is difficult. I don't know how I ever managed through the social life in school, especially getting put in such a new environment in high school - one where I didn't know anyone. I'm really glad I chose to do Success Academy though. I finally realize how much further ahead I am than all of my friends. I don't have to waste my time taking classes I don't want to take. Instead, I get to take classes that I love and that really interest me. If upper division classes are this great, I can't wait until grad school! Hopefully I'm not speaking too soon.
Rain is a good thing. That song is very interesting... but I'm actually talking about the rain we've been having here in St. George. I'm loving the rain and hope it continues all week long! After my class today, I walked really slowly through the rain. I didn't care if I got soaked; I was enjoying the weather far too much. This was probably not the best idea, considering I had quite a ways to walk and almost froze. Advice: don't walk in the rain unless you have a jacket on or an umbrella at least. Thankfully my truck heats up relatively quickly.
Well, that's about it in my boring life. Come back soon to waste another 2 minutes of your time!
Making connections with people is difficult. I don't know how I ever managed through the social life in school, especially getting put in such a new environment in high school - one where I didn't know anyone. I'm really glad I chose to do Success Academy though. I finally realize how much further ahead I am than all of my friends. I don't have to waste my time taking classes I don't want to take. Instead, I get to take classes that I love and that really interest me. If upper division classes are this great, I can't wait until grad school! Hopefully I'm not speaking too soon.
Rain is a good thing. That song is very interesting... but I'm actually talking about the rain we've been having here in St. George. I'm loving the rain and hope it continues all week long! After my class today, I walked really slowly through the rain. I didn't care if I got soaked; I was enjoying the weather far too much. This was probably not the best idea, considering I had quite a ways to walk and almost froze. Advice: don't walk in the rain unless you have a jacket on or an umbrella at least. Thankfully my truck heats up relatively quickly.
Well, that's about it in my boring life. Come back soon to waste another 2 minutes of your time!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Dreams & Music
I had the weirdest dream last night. For some reason, I was in a pool that was just deep enough that I couldn't touch the bottom and I was playing water basketball. Strange, I know. I knew some people there. A few friends and this one lady from a class at school. Every time I got the ball, I would start sinking and I couldn't move as fast as usual. I dunno... I think my mind's a pretty messed up place. Maybe that's why I'm not so afraid at looking into other people's minds. I'm pretty sure not many are as strange as mine.
Artists I'm in love with at the moment: Love and Theft, Keith Urban (obviously), Nickelback, Daughtry, Maroon 5, David Cook, Bryan Adams, Lady Antebellum, and Lonestar. I'm just as surprised as you are that over half of these aren't country. I did not realize that there was so much good music out there!
I've decided to create a homework playlist too. It has new-pop-classical piano songs on it. I'm hoping this will help me concentrate better. If not, then at least I'll get a new taste of music, right?
Reading has become one of my least favorite things to do. I used to stay home on friday and saturday nights to read a book. Now, I don't even want to pick one up. Textbooks have ruined this for me. I don't want to spend my time reading them or any other book for that matter. Sometimes I don't mind, but that's only if it's for two classes... the other 3, I dislike a lot. Two of those classes are interesting, but the textbook is badly written. The other one, I love the teacher, lectures aren't too bad, but I'm not really interested in the physical components of psychology, so it's not enjoyable for me to study for that class.
I went and looked up what my dream meant earlier. Supposedly water symbolizes some thought in my unconscious wanting to come out... the struggling symbolizes that I have some sort of inner conflict that I'm making a bigger deal of than I should... the basketball symbolizes teamwork and that I may need to ask for help with current problems... and friends symbolize that I think relationships are important in learning about myself and that I need to lean on those friends more. I'm still skeptical about dream interpretations, but I found this interesting, nonetheless.
Why is it that I'm so interested in learning about how my mind works? Is it because I want to learn how other minds work as well? Or is it some sort of self-discovery process? I dunno... I guess I'll just go with it and not question anything for the time being.
Artists I'm in love with at the moment: Love and Theft, Keith Urban (obviously), Nickelback, Daughtry, Maroon 5, David Cook, Bryan Adams, Lady Antebellum, and Lonestar. I'm just as surprised as you are that over half of these aren't country. I did not realize that there was so much good music out there!
I've decided to create a homework playlist too. It has new-pop-classical piano songs on it. I'm hoping this will help me concentrate better. If not, then at least I'll get a new taste of music, right?
Reading has become one of my least favorite things to do. I used to stay home on friday and saturday nights to read a book. Now, I don't even want to pick one up. Textbooks have ruined this for me. I don't want to spend my time reading them or any other book for that matter. Sometimes I don't mind, but that's only if it's for two classes... the other 3, I dislike a lot. Two of those classes are interesting, but the textbook is badly written. The other one, I love the teacher, lectures aren't too bad, but I'm not really interested in the physical components of psychology, so it's not enjoyable for me to study for that class.
I went and looked up what my dream meant earlier. Supposedly water symbolizes some thought in my unconscious wanting to come out... the struggling symbolizes that I have some sort of inner conflict that I'm making a bigger deal of than I should... the basketball symbolizes teamwork and that I may need to ask for help with current problems... and friends symbolize that I think relationships are important in learning about myself and that I need to lean on those friends more. I'm still skeptical about dream interpretations, but I found this interesting, nonetheless.
Why is it that I'm so interested in learning about how my mind works? Is it because I want to learn how other minds work as well? Or is it some sort of self-discovery process? I dunno... I guess I'll just go with it and not question anything for the time being.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Astrology and Zodiac Stuff
Astrology has never really been my thing. I've always thought it was a little ridiculous, but enjoyed reading horoscopes or something like that. Well, the other day, I took this zodiac sign quiz thing, and the results were pretty accurate. I was surprised. I'm not going to put everything up here, but one statement really stuck out to me. "You can see every step in the road before you take it. You're so good at getting what you want that you make the game more challenging by raising the stakes." Me? Yes.
After I looked at this report, I decided to look into the zodiac stuff a little bit more. Not that I believe in it. My life is not determined by where the stars are aligned at all. But, I enjoy seeing the similarities between my life and what astrology reports say. Supposedly, I'm confident, ambitious, loyal, generous, encouraging, pretentious, domineering, melodramatic, stubborn, and vain. I think those fit pretty accurately, for the most part. Some moreso than others.
I'm almost ready to fall asleep here. I woke up at 4:30 this morning, and I only had an hour nap this afternoon... So that's... almost 20 hours awake? maybe? Idk... I'm really tired. How about I stop writing before I make a fool of myself. Yes, I like that idea.
Oh, by the way, the marathon was amazing! There were so many runners this year, and I got a bunch of pictures. They're all up on facebook, big surprise.
After I looked at this report, I decided to look into the zodiac stuff a little bit more. Not that I believe in it. My life is not determined by where the stars are aligned at all. But, I enjoy seeing the similarities between my life and what astrology reports say. Supposedly, I'm confident, ambitious, loyal, generous, encouraging, pretentious, domineering, melodramatic, stubborn, and vain. I think those fit pretty accurately, for the most part. Some moreso than others.
I'm almost ready to fall asleep here. I woke up at 4:30 this morning, and I only had an hour nap this afternoon... So that's... almost 20 hours awake? maybe? Idk... I'm really tired. How about I stop writing before I make a fool of myself. Yes, I like that idea.
Oh, by the way, the marathon was amazing! There were so many runners this year, and I got a bunch of pictures. They're all up on facebook, big surprise.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Jaron and the Long Road to Love, Psychology, Marathon
Jaron and the Long Road to Love. So far, it's not that long of a road. I love them already! The lead singer has an amazing voice, and I think I have a new favorite break out artist. He'll definitely get bigger as time goes on, I hope. The song "I hope you hit traffic" is really good.
Tonight I went to the psychology program opening social. I had a good time, met some new people, and hopefully will get more involved with the psychology club after this. Just so you know, my psychology professors are the best. They're all very intelligent, and most of them are really good teachers.
Dixie's homecoming centennial ball is next week... I'm deciding whether I want to go or not. I'd rather go with someone if I went, but I doubt that will happen.
I have just decided. I'm not really an optimist. I think I'm far more a realist. One of my teachers put it this way: the optimist sees the glass half full, the pessimist sees the glass half empty, and the realist sees a glass with water in it.
Keith Urban always makes me feel better. "I'll be over you and on with my life. So take your records, take your freedom. Take your memory I don't need em. Take your space and all your reasons... In fact I'll feel a whole lot better... You'll think of me."
I'm loving having music back on my computer :) It makes me feel so much better knowing I can choose what I want to listen to. I need music. It's always been something that's a type of healing therapy to me. Piano, listening to certain genres when I'm in certain moods... I think everyone does that though.
Wow... I must be tired... And I get to wake up at 4 tomorrow morning! ....Yay? At least its for a good cause. I love volunteering at the marathon. Every year, I always meet some awesome person that needs help or just stops to talk for a moment. Some people travel so far to come to the marathon too. I can't imagine travelling that far to go running.
It's crazy. Life's insane. And I'm feeling good about everything now. Finally.
Tonight I went to the psychology program opening social. I had a good time, met some new people, and hopefully will get more involved with the psychology club after this. Just so you know, my psychology professors are the best. They're all very intelligent, and most of them are really good teachers.
Dixie's homecoming centennial ball is next week... I'm deciding whether I want to go or not. I'd rather go with someone if I went, but I doubt that will happen.
I have just decided. I'm not really an optimist. I think I'm far more a realist. One of my teachers put it this way: the optimist sees the glass half full, the pessimist sees the glass half empty, and the realist sees a glass with water in it.
Keith Urban always makes me feel better. "I'll be over you and on with my life. So take your records, take your freedom. Take your memory I don't need em. Take your space and all your reasons... In fact I'll feel a whole lot better... You'll think of me."
I'm loving having music back on my computer :) It makes me feel so much better knowing I can choose what I want to listen to. I need music. It's always been something that's a type of healing therapy to me. Piano, listening to certain genres when I'm in certain moods... I think everyone does that though.
Wow... I must be tired... And I get to wake up at 4 tomorrow morning! ....Yay? At least its for a good cause. I love volunteering at the marathon. Every year, I always meet some awesome person that needs help or just stops to talk for a moment. Some people travel so far to come to the marathon too. I can't imagine travelling that far to go running.
It's crazy. Life's insane. And I'm feeling good about everything now. Finally.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Better than Your Textbooks!
God answers prayers in some very strange ways sometimes... Who ever would have thought that the answers to my problems would be presented in my stress management class? I sure as heck didn't. But, I'm feeling better about life in general now, thanks to that class.
The whole class was about stress and spirituality. This was a rather interesting topic. I had no idea that we would discuss the spiritual health of our souls in any college class. But I was glad we did. Spirituality and religion are completely different subjects, although spirituality can be expressed through religion. I know some of my friends and I have talked about this before, but I didn't realize that someone had written a whole entire chapter in a psychology book about it.
One point I found rather interesting, but I am also skeptical about it, is a study that someone did where they showed the affects of words on ice crystals. It was strange, not gonna lie. And I'm still pretty skeptical about this effect, but I wonder if it's true. In the experiment, positive affirmation statements created beautiful crystals, whereas negative statements created less attractive crystals. They also studied the affects of music and got similar results. So, I don't know exactly what to think about this study....
I definitely believe in the effects of words and music on the soul. I believe that mental and psychological issues cause just as much stress and take just as much energy as physical issues. Researchers have started doing studies that indicate that the amount of glycogen in the brain decreases with mental stress (such as willpower, traumatic situations, etc.). This goes to show that mental and psychological issues really do take energy from people. It's a rather interesting study, if you ever care to research or write about something in psychology.
Another topic we looked at in class was spiritual healing. We looked quite a bit at forgiveness. Here's a concept I never considered before. Forgiveness is only for oneself. Keeping in anger, aggression, and hatred hurts only whoever is holding the grudge. The person who did the wrong never knows about the anger, the built up tension. It only matters to the person who either can't forgive or is trying to forgive. So, that was a good study. Something worth knowing, even for someone who isn't a psychology major.
Well, if you cared enough to read this, I'd really appreciate to know what you think. If you have views, it might be fun to discuss them. Anyways, I doubt anyone will actually do that, so I hope you enjoyed reading! It's better than a textbook, right?
The whole class was about stress and spirituality. This was a rather interesting topic. I had no idea that we would discuss the spiritual health of our souls in any college class. But I was glad we did. Spirituality and religion are completely different subjects, although spirituality can be expressed through religion. I know some of my friends and I have talked about this before, but I didn't realize that someone had written a whole entire chapter in a psychology book about it.
One point I found rather interesting, but I am also skeptical about it, is a study that someone did where they showed the affects of words on ice crystals. It was strange, not gonna lie. And I'm still pretty skeptical about this effect, but I wonder if it's true. In the experiment, positive affirmation statements created beautiful crystals, whereas negative statements created less attractive crystals. They also studied the affects of music and got similar results. So, I don't know exactly what to think about this study....
I definitely believe in the effects of words and music on the soul. I believe that mental and psychological issues cause just as much stress and take just as much energy as physical issues. Researchers have started doing studies that indicate that the amount of glycogen in the brain decreases with mental stress (such as willpower, traumatic situations, etc.). This goes to show that mental and psychological issues really do take energy from people. It's a rather interesting study, if you ever care to research or write about something in psychology.
Another topic we looked at in class was spiritual healing. We looked quite a bit at forgiveness. Here's a concept I never considered before. Forgiveness is only for oneself. Keeping in anger, aggression, and hatred hurts only whoever is holding the grudge. The person who did the wrong never knows about the anger, the built up tension. It only matters to the person who either can't forgive or is trying to forgive. So, that was a good study. Something worth knowing, even for someone who isn't a psychology major.
Well, if you cared enough to read this, I'd really appreciate to know what you think. If you have views, it might be fun to discuss them. Anyways, I doubt anyone will actually do that, so I hope you enjoyed reading! It's better than a textbook, right?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Disappointment? Life? Lack of sleep?
Do you ever get in that, "I hate life" mood? I'm not quite there yet, but that's where my mood is surely headed. Hopefully I can turn that around by doing productive work. I need to focus on school... and church. Stop worrying about the little problems in life. Because that's all they are, little problem. Simple things I shouldn't worry nor care about, but I do.
I need to find a way to change. To learn to cope better with stressful events in my life. Any suggestions? Well, I probably wouldn't follow any advice even if it was given to me.
I'm tired. Probably should go to sleep, but I doubt I'll be able to sleep very much tonight. Too many things on my mind to think about. Oh well, at least getting offline will help me figure things out. Hopefully.
I need to find a way to change. To learn to cope better with stressful events in my life. Any suggestions? Well, I probably wouldn't follow any advice even if it was given to me.
I'm tired. Probably should go to sleep, but I doubt I'll be able to sleep very much tonight. Too many things on my mind to think about. Oh well, at least getting offline will help me figure things out. Hopefully.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Social Psychology
Social psychology = best class ever! I am loving what I'm starting to learn in this class. We're talking about "the self" and it seems like an introspective class that helps me figure out my innermost thoughts and feeling and why I think, feel, and act as I do. We talked about a concept today that I had never thought much about before. Self-regulation.
Basically, it's another word for self-control. Anyways, we're just starting to discuss goals and choices. We're talking about the "now vs. later" choices and I wish I knew if I had good self-control as a child. Researchers have done tests to show that children who have self-control tend to live better lives than those who do not develop self-control. 'Twould be interesting to see what my level of self-regulation is at this stage in my life.
You, yes you reading this blog entry, should take a social psychology class sometime. You really learn a lot about yourself, and it's a great way to learn about self-discovery. I've learned why I do a lot of the things I do; the different motivations that drives us, as a human species, to pursue our dreams. What makes us different and unique compared to other species.
Ya, I have fallen in love with social psychology. That's basically it.
Basically, it's another word for self-control. Anyways, we're just starting to discuss goals and choices. We're talking about the "now vs. later" choices and I wish I knew if I had good self-control as a child. Researchers have done tests to show that children who have self-control tend to live better lives than those who do not develop self-control. 'Twould be interesting to see what my level of self-regulation is at this stage in my life.
You, yes you reading this blog entry, should take a social psychology class sometime. You really learn a lot about yourself, and it's a great way to learn about self-discovery. I've learned why I do a lot of the things I do; the different motivations that drives us, as a human species, to pursue our dreams. What makes us different and unique compared to other species.
Ya, I have fallen in love with social psychology. That's basically it.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Hot Tubbing, Life, Reality
Tonight, me and some friends had a hot tub party. I think it's now a tradition because I've had a hot tub party every year for the past 3 years on homecoming night. Which is strange since I don't to to PV anymore, but still. It was originally planned because one of my friends wanted to go to homecoming but her date backed out; well, she got asked by someone else. I was set on having friends over though, and hot tubbing sounded like a good idea, so I went with it.
Nothing exciting happened. It was pretty normal - just chatting and laughing. More or less a night wasted. I could have been reading my textbooks. Dang. I guess I'll just have to catch up on my reading tomorrow.
I feel as if I'm going nowhere. As if nothing is going to happen for me, even though I try to make my life meaningful and productive. I guess I missed out on the whole social side of high school, and therefore, I didn't learn how to socialize very well. It's starting to catch up to me now. I can casually talk with a lot of different people; I just don't care for small talk. It bores me. When I chat with others, I like my conversations to be meaningful and thoughtful. Maybe that's why I am so bad at making new friends. Acquaintances, I have plenty of those, but real friends - those are much more difficult to find. And personally, I don't want to exert my energy trying to become friends with someone just to see the friendship end in failure.
Looking at different things realistically is not a pleasant outlook all the time. I wish I was more of an optimist than a realist. At least I don't always look at the pessimistic side of everything.
Life is boring. It's the same thing day in and day out. I need some excitement; something to change things up a little bit. Something out of the ordinary. New. Adventurous. Thrilling.
I want to be a true rebel. For all Dixie students, you probably know what this means. For others, you might too. No more elaboration from me though. I must get to bed because I'm going to a farewell in the morning. It is for Casey and I'll be sad to see him leave. But, he's going to be a really good missionary - hopefully. I'm just tired of everyone leaving.
Nothing exciting happened. It was pretty normal - just chatting and laughing. More or less a night wasted. I could have been reading my textbooks. Dang. I guess I'll just have to catch up on my reading tomorrow.
I feel as if I'm going nowhere. As if nothing is going to happen for me, even though I try to make my life meaningful and productive. I guess I missed out on the whole social side of high school, and therefore, I didn't learn how to socialize very well. It's starting to catch up to me now. I can casually talk with a lot of different people; I just don't care for small talk. It bores me. When I chat with others, I like my conversations to be meaningful and thoughtful. Maybe that's why I am so bad at making new friends. Acquaintances, I have plenty of those, but real friends - those are much more difficult to find. And personally, I don't want to exert my energy trying to become friends with someone just to see the friendship end in failure.
Looking at different things realistically is not a pleasant outlook all the time. I wish I was more of an optimist than a realist. At least I don't always look at the pessimistic side of everything.
Life is boring. It's the same thing day in and day out. I need some excitement; something to change things up a little bit. Something out of the ordinary. New. Adventurous. Thrilling.
I want to be a true rebel. For all Dixie students, you probably know what this means. For others, you might too. No more elaboration from me though. I must get to bed because I'm going to a farewell in the morning. It is for Casey and I'll be sad to see him leave. But, he's going to be a really good missionary - hopefully. I'm just tired of everyone leaving.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Self-Compassion Views
Yesterday I had the most interesting discussion in one of my classes. We were talking about self-esteem, self-compassion, moral values, agression, and stress. The whole idea of the class was to read these articles and figure out how they all related to one another. And, I have a new direction I want to take! I'd always thought I would go into psychological research with something to do with development psychology or something like that, but now, I am most definitely going to try to study social psychology. And it's because of one specific subject: self-compassion.
A lot of people probably don't know the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion. Basically, self-esteem is a very debated topic in psychology where some psychologists believe that low self-esteem is bad, but also that narcissism (extreme high self-esteem) is bad. They've tried to show that low self-esteem creates aggression and behavioral problems. This has a small correlation, but it's not really significant. One of my professors actually believes that self-esteem has very little to do with behavioral problems, and I agree with that theory.
On the other hand, people low in self-compassion generally blame themselves for problems in their lives, and do not know how to deal with inconsistencies between their inner mental state and outer physical world. Self-compassionate people understand that they do make mistakes, they have adversities in their lives, but they also realize that beating themselves up over these problems will not solve anything. They tend to take rejection and failure better than those with low self-compassion.
So, here's my theory. Self-esteem doesn't really have an affect on behavior; rather, self-compassion is the underlying agent to behavioral problems. It makes sense. If people dwell on the mistakes they make, they won't care to progress in life. But, if they can learn from their mistakes and move on, they will progress in life. This seems like common sense.
I know I had more insights to this subject last night, but I can't remember them right now... I should have written them down. This very possibly could be my independent research project someday. Perhaps even one of my research studies in grad school. Who knows...
No matter what, I'm excited to learn more about self-compassion and self-concept. It fascinates me!
A lot of people probably don't know the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion. Basically, self-esteem is a very debated topic in psychology where some psychologists believe that low self-esteem is bad, but also that narcissism (extreme high self-esteem) is bad. They've tried to show that low self-esteem creates aggression and behavioral problems. This has a small correlation, but it's not really significant. One of my professors actually believes that self-esteem has very little to do with behavioral problems, and I agree with that theory.
On the other hand, people low in self-compassion generally blame themselves for problems in their lives, and do not know how to deal with inconsistencies between their inner mental state and outer physical world. Self-compassionate people understand that they do make mistakes, they have adversities in their lives, but they also realize that beating themselves up over these problems will not solve anything. They tend to take rejection and failure better than those with low self-compassion.
So, here's my theory. Self-esteem doesn't really have an affect on behavior; rather, self-compassion is the underlying agent to behavioral problems. It makes sense. If people dwell on the mistakes they make, they won't care to progress in life. But, if they can learn from their mistakes and move on, they will progress in life. This seems like common sense.
I know I had more insights to this subject last night, but I can't remember them right now... I should have written them down. This very possibly could be my independent research project someday. Perhaps even one of my research studies in grad school. Who knows...
No matter what, I'm excited to learn more about self-compassion and self-concept. It fascinates me!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Please Don't...
The world is barren
My heart is gone
A desert land
Once whole, now wrong
I ran away
Escaped to return
The death and gloom
Your absence burns
My need for you
Grows greater still
As longing taunts
My loving will
Reach out to me
Just one more time
Give me this last
Peace of mind
I miss you now
More than you'll ever know
Listen close, dear
Please don't go.
My heart is gone
A desert land
Once whole, now wrong
I ran away
Escaped to return
The death and gloom
Your absence burns
My need for you
Grows greater still
As longing taunts
My loving will
Reach out to me
Just one more time
Give me this last
Peace of mind
I miss you now
More than you'll ever know
Listen close, dear
Please don't go.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Content, Green, Hugs
I'm content. Life isn't great, but it's not really that bad either. Something I've been realizing lately is that everything doesn't have to end up perfectly. I can get through difficult situations because I know I can handle anything life throws at me.
I must say that my friends are amazing. Tonight, Nicki brought me cookies for no apparent reason, just because. I love my friends! Without friends and family, I don't know how I'd survive this life.
Life is good. I am finally getting into the groove with my classes. Some textbooks are extremely hard for me to read, but I deal. I finished my 2 papers today. Still need a second opinion on them, but I'll get that tomorrow. So, I've realized I love social interaction. I thrive on my weekends of talking and hanging out with friends. I look forward to chatting and texting and blogging. Maybe it's just that I need to restate my feelings out loud (or through typing) to actually know what I'm going through.
In case you haven't noticed, I've been writing a lot lately. I think I'm going to write a song soon. A country song, of course. About life and love and the lack of... haha. I need the lyrics, then the music. Hmmm... this might get interesting.
Anyways, did you know my favorite color is green? Well, it is. My room is also green and gorgeous. I wish I could just be outside all the time. Thankfully my curtains let in the light in the morning and afternoon. At night though, it's kinda creepy because if I have my light on, people can see through my window... I need to fix this. Don't want any peepers.
I have a lot to read tomorrow. But, at least I don't have to write any more essays until this weekend! You know that feeling you get when you accomplish something? That's what I'm feeling right now, but I really haven't even accomplished anything other than actually getting my papers written.
I still need a real hug. I've been missing physical contact with people. We've learned in my adult development and aging class that physical contact helps cognitive processing. So, I need to start touching more and getting out of my bubble. We'll see if that actually happens or not...
Life is good-ish... We'll see what happens later to see it that holds true.
Haha, I just wrote my title, and if you take out the commas, it is "content green hugs"... It reminds me of environmentalists. Let's not go into that topic tonight though (in fact, I don't think I ever write about politics on here... hmmm). Lol. Randomness!
I must say that my friends are amazing. Tonight, Nicki brought me cookies for no apparent reason, just because. I love my friends! Without friends and family, I don't know how I'd survive this life.
Life is good. I am finally getting into the groove with my classes. Some textbooks are extremely hard for me to read, but I deal. I finished my 2 papers today. Still need a second opinion on them, but I'll get that tomorrow. So, I've realized I love social interaction. I thrive on my weekends of talking and hanging out with friends. I look forward to chatting and texting and blogging. Maybe it's just that I need to restate my feelings out loud (or through typing) to actually know what I'm going through.
In case you haven't noticed, I've been writing a lot lately. I think I'm going to write a song soon. A country song, of course. About life and love and the lack of... haha. I need the lyrics, then the music. Hmmm... this might get interesting.
Anyways, did you know my favorite color is green? Well, it is. My room is also green and gorgeous. I wish I could just be outside all the time. Thankfully my curtains let in the light in the morning and afternoon. At night though, it's kinda creepy because if I have my light on, people can see through my window... I need to fix this. Don't want any peepers.
I have a lot to read tomorrow. But, at least I don't have to write any more essays until this weekend! You know that feeling you get when you accomplish something? That's what I'm feeling right now, but I really haven't even accomplished anything other than actually getting my papers written.
I still need a real hug. I've been missing physical contact with people. We've learned in my adult development and aging class that physical contact helps cognitive processing. So, I need to start touching more and getting out of my bubble. We'll see if that actually happens or not...
Life is good-ish... We'll see what happens later to see it that holds true.
Haha, I just wrote my title, and if you take out the commas, it is "content green hugs"... It reminds me of environmentalists. Let's not go into that topic tonight though (in fact, I don't think I ever write about politics on here... hmmm). Lol. Randomness!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Charlie St. Cloud Review
Tonight, Nicki and I went to a movie. It was weird because I think tonight might have been senior night or something at the two dollar movies... Anyways, we went to see Charlie St. Cloud and I am in love! Zac Efron is on of my favorites and he really got into his character. I almost cried at some parts. I don't want to spoil it, but I must say there is a definite twist in the plotline later in the movie. I thought it was pretty predictable, but then it throws you for a loop. I love movies that do that! If I know what's coming, it's not nearly as entertaining.
So, we've been talking about the Self in my social psychology class, and this movie was practically a movie of self-discovery through the eyes of others as well as oneself. It was fascinating to see the main character grow in such a way, but also to fall and wallow in confusion and saddness for a time. I was fascinated by it at least; I don't know if other people enjoy this as much as I do.
As a movie, I would definitely recommend seeing it. Zac's character is the ultimate man. I would not mind finding a guy like that someday. My rating: excellent, you must see this movie! Especially if you like romance and drama. And Zac Efron is gorgeous and really plays his character. He's so good! I love it :D
Now to important matters. I finished my stress report today! It is pretty good, but not the best I've written before... It took me forever to figure out how to write in APA format. I can't use easybib anymore because I have to buy a subscription for APA format, so now I get to do all of my reference pages by hand. Yay... :P I'll learn though, hopefully.
I just realized this... I have a miniature glass piano above my bed. Maybe that's not the best place to put a knick-knack... Oh well. It's so pretty and I never actually realized this before. I love the piano, did you know that? My hand is sore from playing today though. And typing. That makes it sore sometimes too. It hurts so i guess it must be time for me to stop.
Sweet dreams.
So, we've been talking about the Self in my social psychology class, and this movie was practically a movie of self-discovery through the eyes of others as well as oneself. It was fascinating to see the main character grow in such a way, but also to fall and wallow in confusion and saddness for a time. I was fascinated by it at least; I don't know if other people enjoy this as much as I do.
As a movie, I would definitely recommend seeing it. Zac's character is the ultimate man. I would not mind finding a guy like that someday. My rating: excellent, you must see this movie! Especially if you like romance and drama. And Zac Efron is gorgeous and really plays his character. He's so good! I love it :D
Now to important matters. I finished my stress report today! It is pretty good, but not the best I've written before... It took me forever to figure out how to write in APA format. I can't use easybib anymore because I have to buy a subscription for APA format, so now I get to do all of my reference pages by hand. Yay... :P I'll learn though, hopefully.
I just realized this... I have a miniature glass piano above my bed. Maybe that's not the best place to put a knick-knack... Oh well. It's so pretty and I never actually realized this before. I love the piano, did you know that? My hand is sore from playing today though. And typing. That makes it sore sometimes too. It hurts so i guess it must be time for me to stop.
Sweet dreams.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
...help
I need a hug, a real hug. The worst week of my life? No, but most definitely in the top 10. There is so much going on, and I can't deal with everything. I have goals set for myself, but I don't want to accomplish them. I have things I need to do, but I don't want to do them. I hate procrastinating, but I keep doing it! Someone please tell me why I am acting so strangely because I don't know... Yes, Kaylee is basically freaking out right now.
Have you ever found out something you wish you wouldn't have? Something that changes your whole opinion of a person or of yourself? Something that hurts you so deep that you don't know how to deal with it? And on top of your personal problems, you get sick from stress, yet still have to act as if everything is going wonderfully. That's been my week. I guess I'm not a very good actress though because I'm pretty sure some people know that something's wrong.
I'm not sure who to believe. I was told two different stories about the same thing, and one has to be incorrect, but which one is right and which one is wrong? I'm pretty sure I know who's lying, and I wish she'd be truthful. I wish she wouldn't think I'm oblivious and foolish. She has to know that lying kills friendships, but I dunno... I don't want to stop being friends, but one of the most important qualities in a friendship (to me at least) is honesty, even if the truth hurts.
I need someone right now. I just can't do this all alone anymore. It's too difficult, and I know I've hurt plenty of my friendships, but I just need to talk and calm down. Guys suck sometimes, no offense to any guy who reads this, it is mainly directed at one person. I shouldn't have thought this would ever work out... now I'm pretty sure it never will. Why did I let myself get so caught up in everything? Why did I give in to my feelings? Why did I act so selfishly? I should have listened to reason, now, it's too late, I think. I was so close to changing into a better person, then I fell back down again. Now, I don't know how to get back up.
I'm sorry to anyone I've ever hurt. I know most people I've hurt will never read this post, but who knows... maybe some will. I can be extremely selfish and I know this. I've tried changing, I just don't know if I can anymore. My life is not going how I wish it would. I know I'm the only person who can change this, but I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to make the changes I need to make. I need help.
I need to stop being so insecure with myself. Why can't I just accept who I am and forget about my stupid, petty insecurities. When I start to care for someone a lot, I can become clingy and seem needy. I'm pretty sure I do this because I am insecure and needy, and I really wish I wasn't like this. So, what I tend to do when I think someone is going to hurt me or that I am going to hurt them is I detach myself emotionally. Completely. Whatever it takes to make the hurt seem less. But, I can't seem to do that this time. I don't know why it's different, but it is.
I don't think I've ever really had a true friend in my life. I want to say I wish I had, but somehow or another, something turns out wrong. The longest, good friendship I've ever had was for 6 years... Is there something about me that makes me an ok person to be around, but not a true friend? Am I even likeable or just seem snotty? I've always thought about this, but I don't know the answer... I want to have good, close, long friendships, but I don't know if that will ever happen.
I have never told anyone these things before. At least, I don't think I ever have. I've never really fit in anywhere and have always preferred being a loner. But now, I'm tired of being alone and lonely. I want close friendships; I need to feel loved by someone other than my family. I know family is great and everything, but they have to be there for me... friends choose to be there... I wish I'd figured this out years ago. I wish I would have made different decisions. I wish I could learn from my mistakes and redeem myself.
I used to believe that if I kept myself busy that everything would work out in the end. I was happy for a long time. I wish I would think before I speak sometimes. I miss Success Academy and Young Womens - those were the two places I sort of fit in. I just want to be happy again... but with the positions I've put myself in, I don't know how to do that. I need help.
Have you ever found out something you wish you wouldn't have? Something that changes your whole opinion of a person or of yourself? Something that hurts you so deep that you don't know how to deal with it? And on top of your personal problems, you get sick from stress, yet still have to act as if everything is going wonderfully. That's been my week. I guess I'm not a very good actress though because I'm pretty sure some people know that something's wrong.
I'm not sure who to believe. I was told two different stories about the same thing, and one has to be incorrect, but which one is right and which one is wrong? I'm pretty sure I know who's lying, and I wish she'd be truthful. I wish she wouldn't think I'm oblivious and foolish. She has to know that lying kills friendships, but I dunno... I don't want to stop being friends, but one of the most important qualities in a friendship (to me at least) is honesty, even if the truth hurts.
I need someone right now. I just can't do this all alone anymore. It's too difficult, and I know I've hurt plenty of my friendships, but I just need to talk and calm down. Guys suck sometimes, no offense to any guy who reads this, it is mainly directed at one person. I shouldn't have thought this would ever work out... now I'm pretty sure it never will. Why did I let myself get so caught up in everything? Why did I give in to my feelings? Why did I act so selfishly? I should have listened to reason, now, it's too late, I think. I was so close to changing into a better person, then I fell back down again. Now, I don't know how to get back up.
I'm sorry to anyone I've ever hurt. I know most people I've hurt will never read this post, but who knows... maybe some will. I can be extremely selfish and I know this. I've tried changing, I just don't know if I can anymore. My life is not going how I wish it would. I know I'm the only person who can change this, but I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to make the changes I need to make. I need help.
I need to stop being so insecure with myself. Why can't I just accept who I am and forget about my stupid, petty insecurities. When I start to care for someone a lot, I can become clingy and seem needy. I'm pretty sure I do this because I am insecure and needy, and I really wish I wasn't like this. So, what I tend to do when I think someone is going to hurt me or that I am going to hurt them is I detach myself emotionally. Completely. Whatever it takes to make the hurt seem less. But, I can't seem to do that this time. I don't know why it's different, but it is.
I don't think I've ever really had a true friend in my life. I want to say I wish I had, but somehow or another, something turns out wrong. The longest, good friendship I've ever had was for 6 years... Is there something about me that makes me an ok person to be around, but not a true friend? Am I even likeable or just seem snotty? I've always thought about this, but I don't know the answer... I want to have good, close, long friendships, but I don't know if that will ever happen.
I have never told anyone these things before. At least, I don't think I ever have. I've never really fit in anywhere and have always preferred being a loner. But now, I'm tired of being alone and lonely. I want close friendships; I need to feel loved by someone other than my family. I know family is great and everything, but they have to be there for me... friends choose to be there... I wish I'd figured this out years ago. I wish I would have made different decisions. I wish I could learn from my mistakes and redeem myself.
I used to believe that if I kept myself busy that everything would work out in the end. I was happy for a long time. I wish I would think before I speak sometimes. I miss Success Academy and Young Womens - those were the two places I sort of fit in. I just want to be happy again... but with the positions I've put myself in, I don't know how to do that. I need help.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Betrayal & An Unescapable Truth
The Ultimate Betrayal
That first night, Our first kiss
The first time, What joy and bliss
I hear your name And my heart cries,
Longing to see Your loving eyes
A moment late I arrive
You're lying there, Her by your side
Stopped in my tracks, My breath is gone
I never thought You'd be that one
To hurt my pride My senseless thoughts
How could you ever... I should have not
Walked in that day. It made me wail
You there with her - The ultimate betrayal.
An Unescapable Truth
A lone man
A simple plan -
Death.
A parents child
A man defiled -
Lost.
A friend to us
A lover at once -
Revenge.
A happy day
Of men who pray -
Gone.
A world of peace
Man's anger ceased -
Unknown.
An murderous death
To an innocent man -
Unforgivable.
The last chance of a world
Torn to pieces -
Christ.
I know these have completely different meanings, but I'd really appreciate if you told me what you think of them. I wanted to capture the moment in the piece, and as the writer, I want to know if the readers think I accomplished that. You can probably tell I'm in a very pessimestic mood today. Life sucks, and then we die. Yep, that's about how I've been feeling recently. At least it gives me a lot to write about... enjoy!
That first night, Our first kiss
The first time, What joy and bliss
I hear your name And my heart cries,
Longing to see Your loving eyes
A moment late I arrive
You're lying there, Her by your side
Stopped in my tracks, My breath is gone
I never thought You'd be that one
To hurt my pride My senseless thoughts
How could you ever... I should have not
Walked in that day. It made me wail
You there with her - The ultimate betrayal.
An Unescapable Truth
A lone man
A simple plan -
Death.
A parents child
A man defiled -
Lost.
A friend to us
A lover at once -
Revenge.
A happy day
Of men who pray -
Gone.
A world of peace
Man's anger ceased -
Unknown.
An murderous death
To an innocent man -
Unforgivable.
The last chance of a world
Torn to pieces -
Christ.
I know these have completely different meanings, but I'd really appreciate if you told me what you think of them. I wanted to capture the moment in the piece, and as the writer, I want to know if the readers think I accomplished that. You can probably tell I'm in a very pessimestic mood today. Life sucks, and then we die. Yep, that's about how I've been feeling recently. At least it gives me a lot to write about... enjoy!
Trivial Stress
I should be writing or reading for my classes right now. Thank goodness I'm done with my tests this weekend! One tomorrow, then I don't have another one until next thursday! Phew... relief. So, I get to write 3 papers this weekend. One, I'm supposed to write an analysis of this paper I need to read about fMRI's. It's not coming along very well since I barely understand the paper that I'm supposed to be writing about. One of my other papers is about stress and the affects it can have on one of the physiological systems in the body. I might post them once I'm done, but I most definitely want to post my last one. I'm way excited to write my last paper. It's a ten page research paper, and I'm doing it about mid-adulthood dating. I can't wait to start writing it!
Ya, I have an exciting life, I know.
So, school is really stressing me out. I think I need a break, but it seems every time I try to take a break, I have something else I need to get done. Well, I guess that's life, eh? I think I got so stressed that it broke down my immune system. This is a good guess, since I do not feel very good and can't seem to concentrate. It's funny though, because I used to cope with stress relatively easily. I did my work to perfection, and would spend hours reading or writing for class. I can't do that anymore and I'm not really sure why. I'm ready for this semester to be over already - the pace is too fast for me right now and I just need to slow down.
I don't think anyone actually reads these so I feel safe writing this. I'm scared. I put myself completely out there recently, and I'm not sure what's going to happen now. I didn't necessarily want to get put in this position, but I am and I don't want to get hurt, although I know that's practically inevitable. That's one of my biggest fears: getting hurt by others. I'm physically pain tolerant, but when it comes to my emotions, I don't know how to handle disappointment well. Have you ever felt that you're pursuing a lost cause? I don't know if that's true or not. I don't want this to be a lost cause, but I'm pretty sure it already is one. It hurts me to know this.
I was warned though, numerous times. I should've listened, but I guess I'm just too stubborn. I like to get my way, and a lot of the time, I do whatever it takes to get what I want. Determination: I used to like being known as a determined person, but now, I don't know if that's a good trait. It's scary what goes on in my mind. Most people would be shocked to know all of the things I think about. Even those people who think they know me really don't know who I am. They may know a few things, but I've never opened up to anyone completely before. I feel as if I want to though, and I already know who I'm going to tell.
Back to the real world. Have you ever listened to "Never gonna leave this bed" by Maroon 5? If not, you should go listen to it. it's quite an amazing song and makes me feel happy. I rather quite like Misery as well. Oxymoronic, yes?
I need to get back to school soon... Bleh. I really don't want to endure 6 more hours tonight! Then I get the lovely opportunity to study for neuroscience... yay. George Strait and Chris Ledoux are amazing. Just thought I'd point that out for those of you who do not already know I think this.
Most of my paragraphs start with I... Hmm... that's interesting. I must change this next time. But for now, I really don't care. Can you tell I'm just loving life?
Ya, I have an exciting life, I know.
So, school is really stressing me out. I think I need a break, but it seems every time I try to take a break, I have something else I need to get done. Well, I guess that's life, eh? I think I got so stressed that it broke down my immune system. This is a good guess, since I do not feel very good and can't seem to concentrate. It's funny though, because I used to cope with stress relatively easily. I did my work to perfection, and would spend hours reading or writing for class. I can't do that anymore and I'm not really sure why. I'm ready for this semester to be over already - the pace is too fast for me right now and I just need to slow down.
I don't think anyone actually reads these so I feel safe writing this. I'm scared. I put myself completely out there recently, and I'm not sure what's going to happen now. I didn't necessarily want to get put in this position, but I am and I don't want to get hurt, although I know that's practically inevitable. That's one of my biggest fears: getting hurt by others. I'm physically pain tolerant, but when it comes to my emotions, I don't know how to handle disappointment well. Have you ever felt that you're pursuing a lost cause? I don't know if that's true or not. I don't want this to be a lost cause, but I'm pretty sure it already is one. It hurts me to know this.
I was warned though, numerous times. I should've listened, but I guess I'm just too stubborn. I like to get my way, and a lot of the time, I do whatever it takes to get what I want. Determination: I used to like being known as a determined person, but now, I don't know if that's a good trait. It's scary what goes on in my mind. Most people would be shocked to know all of the things I think about. Even those people who think they know me really don't know who I am. They may know a few things, but I've never opened up to anyone completely before. I feel as if I want to though, and I already know who I'm going to tell.
Back to the real world. Have you ever listened to "Never gonna leave this bed" by Maroon 5? If not, you should go listen to it. it's quite an amazing song and makes me feel happy. I rather quite like Misery as well. Oxymoronic, yes?
I need to get back to school soon... Bleh. I really don't want to endure 6 more hours tonight! Then I get the lovely opportunity to study for neuroscience... yay. George Strait and Chris Ledoux are amazing. Just thought I'd point that out for those of you who do not already know I think this.
Most of my paragraphs start with I... Hmm... that's interesting. I must change this next time. But for now, I really don't care. Can you tell I'm just loving life?
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Music & Reading
I have just decided that I love Maroon 5! They have some pretty great music. Just thought I'd let you know that I actually like some other music besides just country. Haha, I love country though... Last night, the Western Underground concert was pretty great, but I liked the opening act, Eric Dodge, even better. He had this song called Woman's World and I was laughing so hard at the lyrics. I love it :D
Ya, music has basically been my escape from school this semester. At lunch, I come home and play the piano (I think my mom wishes I'd learn some new songs...). Oh well. I enjoy playing, and I want to perfect some of these songs. Preferrably the ones I like. I really love Tocatta in D Minor, and Canon in D Minor (I think that's what it's called...). Anyways, it's the wedding march song, and it's lots of fun to play.
I think I read 100 pages of textbook today, not exaggerating. I had a test on friday, one on saturday, I have one tomorrow, one on tuesday, and another one this upcoming friday! I wish teachers would spread out their tests better. It's sort of my fault though... I haven't been keeping up with my reading in all of my classes. I only like reading for 2 of them, so the other 3 take backseats. One of the 3 I have to read and the other 2 I just get through by reading the summaries, bolded words, and captions. For some reason, grades seem less and less important the older I become.
Oh! The other night, me, Nicki, and Melissa just went out driving for not apparent reason. Somehow or another, we decided to find these guys Melissa was texting, and we found them at Walmart. It was an adventure. They didn't even say hi, but we went and sat in the back of my truck in the parking lot, just chilling. That was a pretty great night.
So, I think my printer is posessed... for some reason it keeps making weird noises at random moments. The weirdest thing is that the power's turned off! I just unplugged it because I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night simply because my printer is acting stupid.
That is all for tonight.
Ya, music has basically been my escape from school this semester. At lunch, I come home and play the piano (I think my mom wishes I'd learn some new songs...). Oh well. I enjoy playing, and I want to perfect some of these songs. Preferrably the ones I like. I really love Tocatta in D Minor, and Canon in D Minor (I think that's what it's called...). Anyways, it's the wedding march song, and it's lots of fun to play.
I think I read 100 pages of textbook today, not exaggerating. I had a test on friday, one on saturday, I have one tomorrow, one on tuesday, and another one this upcoming friday! I wish teachers would spread out their tests better. It's sort of my fault though... I haven't been keeping up with my reading in all of my classes. I only like reading for 2 of them, so the other 3 take backseats. One of the 3 I have to read and the other 2 I just get through by reading the summaries, bolded words, and captions. For some reason, grades seem less and less important the older I become.
Oh! The other night, me, Nicki, and Melissa just went out driving for not apparent reason. Somehow or another, we decided to find these guys Melissa was texting, and we found them at Walmart. It was an adventure. They didn't even say hi, but we went and sat in the back of my truck in the parking lot, just chilling. That was a pretty great night.
So, I think my printer is posessed... for some reason it keeps making weird noises at random moments. The weirdest thing is that the power's turned off! I just unplugged it because I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night simply because my printer is acting stupid.
That is all for tonight.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Life... A Rollercoaster?
Yay, I love emotional rollercoasters... not. Actually, I love rollercoaster, something I found out just this summer, but not when they take my emotions for a joy ride. Heh. I love the top of the rollercoaster, but when it starts to swoop down and go in circles, I hold on for dear life, not daring to move for fear that moving could cause me to fall off. That's what happens to my emotions. I get to a point where I am at the very top, then all of a sudden, BAM! There they take off... But, by this point, I'm already trapped and can't jump off. I have to wait for them to go through the course. There are plenty of high points, but also plenty of low ones as well, and some, I don't even know what they are, but they come back time and time again.
Can I just say that headaches during class are the worst... I hate getting headaches in general, but in class, I can't concentrate. Especially when the I'm dead tired, and all the teacher is doing is showing video clips. I almost fell asleep in class.
Ah! Excitement! I love unexpected surprised, especially when they are good surprises. I love my friends; they're so wonderful. And they cheer me up so much!
That is all.
Can I just say that headaches during class are the worst... I hate getting headaches in general, but in class, I can't concentrate. Especially when the I'm dead tired, and all the teacher is doing is showing video clips. I almost fell asleep in class.
Ah! Excitement! I love unexpected surprised, especially when they are good surprises. I love my friends; they're so wonderful. And they cheer me up so much!
That is all.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Decisions of the Future
Funny experience just barely. So, I went to go type www.blogspot.com in the bar at the top of the page, but I accidentally type www.blotspot.com, and there's actually a website called that! I have no idea what's on that website, nor did I stay to look at it, but I thought it was interesting.
To my real point of writing this post. Well, actually, I have no point at the moment. I'm just tired of homework and school. I get to write a research paper! Most people wouldn't be excited for this, but I just picked my topic, and I think it will be very interesting. Ten pages about widowhood and dating. I'm stoked!
Now, change of subject... I wish things were easy. That it wasn't so difficult to make these decisions. I want everything in my life to turn out right, but I don't know how I can make that happen. I'm... not sure if I'm even on the right path. But, I must be because I'm here right now. I don't know nor do I want to think about it too much at the moment. I have more pressing matters weighing on my mind.
I really miss how my life was. I had such great friends (I still do, but half of them are gone), I was always excited for school, there was not reason for me to worry about the future because I knew that I didn't need to for a few more years. Well, the years have come and gone. In all honesty, I'm terrified. I have never been comfortable with the unknown, and now, that's all I seem to be dealing with. It comes up in my dreams, I think about the future all the time, and as hard as I try to live in the present, the past and future keep coming to mind. One of my favorite quotes, "Remember the past, live in the present, & fear not the future for it never exists and never shall. There is only now." I wish I could actually believe that. I wish that all my worries would just go away, or that I could find a better way to deal with them. I wish I wasn't so insecure...
Why do emotions ruin my senses? I think I know everything I want, but then my emotions toy with my realistic thinking. I don't know how much longer I can stand it. But, I know some way or another, I'll get through everything. I just hope it's sooner than later.
Eh, I'm sorry if this made absolutely no sense to you. Make assumptions if you wish, but I'm not going into more detail. Vaguity... no, this is not a word, but it describes my writing of this night. That is all.
To my real point of writing this post. Well, actually, I have no point at the moment. I'm just tired of homework and school. I get to write a research paper! Most people wouldn't be excited for this, but I just picked my topic, and I think it will be very interesting. Ten pages about widowhood and dating. I'm stoked!
Now, change of subject... I wish things were easy. That it wasn't so difficult to make these decisions. I want everything in my life to turn out right, but I don't know how I can make that happen. I'm... not sure if I'm even on the right path. But, I must be because I'm here right now. I don't know nor do I want to think about it too much at the moment. I have more pressing matters weighing on my mind.
I really miss how my life was. I had such great friends (I still do, but half of them are gone), I was always excited for school, there was not reason for me to worry about the future because I knew that I didn't need to for a few more years. Well, the years have come and gone. In all honesty, I'm terrified. I have never been comfortable with the unknown, and now, that's all I seem to be dealing with. It comes up in my dreams, I think about the future all the time, and as hard as I try to live in the present, the past and future keep coming to mind. One of my favorite quotes, "Remember the past, live in the present, & fear not the future for it never exists and never shall. There is only now." I wish I could actually believe that. I wish that all my worries would just go away, or that I could find a better way to deal with them. I wish I wasn't so insecure...
Why do emotions ruin my senses? I think I know everything I want, but then my emotions toy with my realistic thinking. I don't know how much longer I can stand it. But, I know some way or another, I'll get through everything. I just hope it's sooner than later.
Eh, I'm sorry if this made absolutely no sense to you. Make assumptions if you wish, but I'm not going into more detail. Vaguity... no, this is not a word, but it describes my writing of this night. That is all.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Smile! Today's a New Day :)
I have a new favorite place on campus. It's the student service center. They always have music playing, but it's low enough that it doesn't bother me when I study. I can come in here, pull out my laptop and chill while I'm waiting for class to start. It's very nice. That's where I am right now. Sitting at a table, should be reading for my next class, but instead, I felt like blogging.
I heard the best quote today. It said, "Although you may not have the best of everything, you can make the best of everything you have." Just thinking about that made me realize how lucky I am to be going to school, to have such a great family, and such wonderful friends. I am deciding right now to make the rest of this semester great. I'm going to try to be more friendly, positive, and give more compliments. We had an activity in my stress management class last night where half the class went around and wished everyone else "health and happiness." It brightened my mood considerably, and I would recommend it to anyone who has been feeling down. So reader, I wish you health and happiness. Now, go pass that message along to someone else who you either know or run into at random. It will brighten both your and their day.
Positive thought has been on my mind recently. I think that with enough positive thought, you really can get through difficult situations in life. I know I've been through plenty of them, and the best cure is thinking positively. It's easy to let reality catch up to you. Easy to get down. If you've been reading my posts recently, you'd realize I've had plenty of negative thoughts the past couple of weeks. Positivity (I don't know if that's actually a word) can really help improve your own and others' lives. And you may now know it at the moment, but even a smile can make the difference in someone's day.
This experience just came to my mind. Last year, I was walking to one of my classes, and this random guy comes up to me just says hello and starts walking with me. He's very friendly, and wishes me a good day. I've always wanted to do that to someone else. Just walk up to a stranger and be able to wish them happiness. I think that's going on my bucket list. But, this experience stuck with me. I really did have a better day just because someone was kind enough to speak with me on the crowded college campus.
I'm tired of being negative. Sometimes it brings about interesting topics of conversation, but positive interaction is better for the body. I don't really know if you cared to hear me discuss positive and negative moods, but that's just too bad. Smile! And have a lovely day!
Now go pass along the message :)
I heard the best quote today. It said, "Although you may not have the best of everything, you can make the best of everything you have." Just thinking about that made me realize how lucky I am to be going to school, to have such a great family, and such wonderful friends. I am deciding right now to make the rest of this semester great. I'm going to try to be more friendly, positive, and give more compliments. We had an activity in my stress management class last night where half the class went around and wished everyone else "health and happiness." It brightened my mood considerably, and I would recommend it to anyone who has been feeling down. So reader, I wish you health and happiness. Now, go pass that message along to someone else who you either know or run into at random. It will brighten both your and their day.
Positive thought has been on my mind recently. I think that with enough positive thought, you really can get through difficult situations in life. I know I've been through plenty of them, and the best cure is thinking positively. It's easy to let reality catch up to you. Easy to get down. If you've been reading my posts recently, you'd realize I've had plenty of negative thoughts the past couple of weeks. Positivity (I don't know if that's actually a word) can really help improve your own and others' lives. And you may now know it at the moment, but even a smile can make the difference in someone's day.
This experience just came to my mind. Last year, I was walking to one of my classes, and this random guy comes up to me just says hello and starts walking with me. He's very friendly, and wishes me a good day. I've always wanted to do that to someone else. Just walk up to a stranger and be able to wish them happiness. I think that's going on my bucket list. But, this experience stuck with me. I really did have a better day just because someone was kind enough to speak with me on the crowded college campus.
I'm tired of being negative. Sometimes it brings about interesting topics of conversation, but positive interaction is better for the body. I don't really know if you cared to hear me discuss positive and negative moods, but that's just too bad. Smile! And have a lovely day!
Now go pass along the message :)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Truth and Reality
Sometimes poems can convey more emotion and meaning than just words. This is probably going to be practically impossible to understand, but I really just wrote this one for me.
Stars sparkle in your eyes
As I stare in the depths of space.
So deep and caring,
Yet a mystery to mine soul.
Please open your heart to me
Oh the reassurance you could
Give my thoughts -
Don't keep me waiting.
Through the distance
I can see the truth.
And I wish it were not,
But how can it not be?
Is this just my mind
Playing tricks
Or am I searching for
A love long gone?
It feels so real...
But how do I know
The difference between
Truth and Reality?
Stars sparkle in your eyes
As I stare in the depths of space.
So deep and caring,
Yet a mystery to mine soul.
Please open your heart to me
Oh the reassurance you could
Give my thoughts -
Don't keep me waiting.
Through the distance
I can see the truth.
And I wish it were not,
But how can it not be?
Is this just my mind
Playing tricks
Or am I searching for
A love long gone?
It feels so real...
But how do I know
The difference between
Truth and Reality?
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
I Just Need to Rant
So much for my happy moods. Have you ever felt like life just kicks you when you're down? Well, that's basically been my day today. I was excited to start the day. Ready for my statistics and development classes. I was going to make it a good day, but everything just seemed to be going wrong. I couldn't concentrate on homework because my house was too noisy. I tried to relax a little by playing piano, and I guess that was good. I just have way too many thoughts on my mind, and I don't have any way to release them because if I did, people would probably question my sanity.
Oh, I also didn't get the car I've been trying to get for the past week. I went over, and a guy came in with cash and got it instead. So, that's disappointing.
One of my friends came to me with a difficult problem, and I tried to help comfort her, so we went to the temple. That was nice, peaceful, and helped me clear my head a little bit. It was funny; we somehow got on the topic of couples and marriage and whatnot (I guess it's because we were at the temple or something), and were sitting out front when this guy leads his blindfolded girlfriend over to the front and proposes to her! I felt way awkward, so we left and chose another place to sit. It was interesting.
Before I left for the temple, I had this crazy insane headache. It's back again. I couldn't read my textbooks, and was going to take a nap. That didn't work. I read instead, and got an even worse headache. This is what hours of class all day can do to you. So, I have a bunch to read tomorrow. Thank goodness labor day weekend is soon. I really need to catch up with everything (already...).
Why does life have to be so stressful and complicated?
I just realized this today, but I'm making decisions right now that are going to affect the rest of my life. It really took a toll on me and I just thought about it for a minute. What do I really want out of life? I can't postpone these decisions much longer, so when should I make them? Now? Tomorrow? I don't have all the details, so how can I make the best decision for me? Gah! Can to you tell I'm completely overwhelemed.
Hopefully tomorrow brings a better day. In my mood right now though, I highly doubt that tomorrow will be any good. Maybe I'm lacking sleep. I know I'm lacking socialization that I've been depending on for a long time. I really need to find something that makes me happy. I'm usually pretty good at this (or at least at faking it), but recently, not so much. I'm tired, don't feel good, and can't seem to open up. What next?
Goodness, I need some sleep. Very badly. Maybe it'll cure some of the stress in my mind. Blogger, thank you for letting me rant. It was a good chat.
Oh, I also didn't get the car I've been trying to get for the past week. I went over, and a guy came in with cash and got it instead. So, that's disappointing.
One of my friends came to me with a difficult problem, and I tried to help comfort her, so we went to the temple. That was nice, peaceful, and helped me clear my head a little bit. It was funny; we somehow got on the topic of couples and marriage and whatnot (I guess it's because we were at the temple or something), and were sitting out front when this guy leads his blindfolded girlfriend over to the front and proposes to her! I felt way awkward, so we left and chose another place to sit. It was interesting.
Before I left for the temple, I had this crazy insane headache. It's back again. I couldn't read my textbooks, and was going to take a nap. That didn't work. I read instead, and got an even worse headache. This is what hours of class all day can do to you. So, I have a bunch to read tomorrow. Thank goodness labor day weekend is soon. I really need to catch up with everything (already...).
Why does life have to be so stressful and complicated?
I just realized this today, but I'm making decisions right now that are going to affect the rest of my life. It really took a toll on me and I just thought about it for a minute. What do I really want out of life? I can't postpone these decisions much longer, so when should I make them? Now? Tomorrow? I don't have all the details, so how can I make the best decision for me? Gah! Can to you tell I'm completely overwhelemed.
Hopefully tomorrow brings a better day. In my mood right now though, I highly doubt that tomorrow will be any good. Maybe I'm lacking sleep. I know I'm lacking socialization that I've been depending on for a long time. I really need to find something that makes me happy. I'm usually pretty good at this (or at least at faking it), but recently, not so much. I'm tired, don't feel good, and can't seem to open up. What next?
Goodness, I need some sleep. Very badly. Maybe it'll cure some of the stress in my mind. Blogger, thank you for letting me rant. It was a good chat.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Two posts in a row... that's pretty incredible for me. But, I need to talk, well, figuratively. Moreso, I just need to put thoughts down.
So, here's my dilemma. I love psychology, but I'm seriously thinking about changing my major to english. I have no idea why I'm thinking this, but I am. Maybe my mind thinks there are more jobs for english majors than for psychology majors (which is probably likely). But, I'm not going to make a decision just yet. I have all the prerequisites to switch majors, but I'm not sure if that's what I really want.
More problems. I've been car shopping recently, and I found a car that I really like. It's a gold saturn, 2 door... I don't really know the rest of the details, but I like how it drives, and my brother says it's in good condition, so I'll take his word for it. Here's where my problem comes in. Another person also wants the car and went in before I did to the dealership. I'm really hoping their financing doesn't come through. That's terrible to say, but I've been looking for weeks, and I actually, really like this car and really want it. Not to mention it looks great. It's sporty-ish looking and matches me quite well.
School. Let's see... I don't think I will ever be able to post without somehow including school. But, let's post on a positive note! School's very interesting (good interesting). I've already learned a ton, and we're barely starting the second week! Today in my behavioral neuroscience class we looked at a real human brain! It was exciting. It's amazing what our brains do...
Institute is amazing. I absolutely love it. I have it first class on mondays and wednesdays. Hopefully having it at the first of the week will get me off to the right start every week. I can't wait to start hearing about doctrinal insights, stories, and truly trying to improve myself through learning.
So, I think I'm starting to go back to myself again, which is good. I greatly dislike being a pain to deal with, so that me is (hopefully) gone for the time being. For now at least, I'll keep things light and happy on here.
So, here's my dilemma. I love psychology, but I'm seriously thinking about changing my major to english. I have no idea why I'm thinking this, but I am. Maybe my mind thinks there are more jobs for english majors than for psychology majors (which is probably likely). But, I'm not going to make a decision just yet. I have all the prerequisites to switch majors, but I'm not sure if that's what I really want.
More problems. I've been car shopping recently, and I found a car that I really like. It's a gold saturn, 2 door... I don't really know the rest of the details, but I like how it drives, and my brother says it's in good condition, so I'll take his word for it. Here's where my problem comes in. Another person also wants the car and went in before I did to the dealership. I'm really hoping their financing doesn't come through. That's terrible to say, but I've been looking for weeks, and I actually, really like this car and really want it. Not to mention it looks great. It's sporty-ish looking and matches me quite well.
School. Let's see... I don't think I will ever be able to post without somehow including school. But, let's post on a positive note! School's very interesting (good interesting). I've already learned a ton, and we're barely starting the second week! Today in my behavioral neuroscience class we looked at a real human brain! It was exciting. It's amazing what our brains do...
Institute is amazing. I absolutely love it. I have it first class on mondays and wednesdays. Hopefully having it at the first of the week will get me off to the right start every week. I can't wait to start hearing about doctrinal insights, stories, and truly trying to improve myself through learning.
So, I think I'm starting to go back to myself again, which is good. I greatly dislike being a pain to deal with, so that me is (hopefully) gone for the time being. For now at least, I'll keep things light and happy on here.
Haiku Poetry
So, I want to share some haiku's I've written (I really like haiku's by the way - they're so simple and lovely). Tell me what you think. I don't know if they're any good, just things off the top of my head.
A New Life
the shell has broken
new beginnings lie ahead
no protection left
Thunder
Blissful stormy nights,
Thunder rages in my soul
As quietude sleeps.
Tears
Silence engulfs the
crisp, clear evening until
crying tears my soul
Ok, here's my last one. I really like this subject, but I don't think I portrayed/caught the moment quite how I had imagined.
Forever
Life's sweet melodies
Fill wanting hearts with thoughts of
Forever near you.
A New Life
the shell has broken
new beginnings lie ahead
no protection left
Thunder
Blissful stormy nights,
Thunder rages in my soul
As quietude sleeps.
Tears
Silence engulfs the
crisp, clear evening until
crying tears my soul
Ok, here's my last one. I really like this subject, but I don't think I portrayed/caught the moment quite how I had imagined.
Forever
Life's sweet melodies
Fill wanting hearts with thoughts of
Forever near you.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Useful Boring Knowledge
Car shopping is a pain. I really need to find one that I want soon. I'm hoping that this one guy doesn't buy a little saturn I want, but he put a down payment on it, so he most likely will. If not though, then it's mine! Muahahahaha!
I'm in a much better mood today. It has been quite tiresome for the most part, but I haven't had to go to class, and I barely had to study. Tomorrow though, that's a different story. New ward, here I come! I'm very excited to be going to the singles' ward, but I'm terrified too. I know all the girls and people in my ward so well; it will be quite a transition to switch. But, I'm looking forward to it, nonetheless.
School is getting better. I think I'm finally starting to figure out which classes I actually need to study for. Behavioral neuroscience is going to be a living hell, not exagerrating. It is probably the worst class to take for a person who does not memorize terms very well. Statistical methods isn't going to be as bad as I thought it would. I don't know why I'd struggle with the math course. I guess it's because everyone I talked to said it was so difficult. I hope to prove them wrong.
Social psych is my Favorite! I really am so excited for this class I have already read a few chapters and we only needed to read the first one so far. Haha, maybe I shouldn't focus on it too much, but I will most definitely be doing something in this field. I am almost positive about that.
My other two classes are only one night a week, so I'm not too worried about them. Adult development and aging will be pretty depressing, but stress management will be oh so helpful. We're actually going to learn different methods for relaxation and how to do them right! I'm so excited! I'll need to learn it for this semester, especially for memorizing all the parts of the brain and nervous system... wow. I'm overwhelmed with everything. This is why I didn't pursue a biology major.
Life is good though. I'm loving my institute class. THe foam dance last night was epically amazing! I loved it!!! I didn't realize that it was the wet soapy foam, so I wasn't quite dressed how I wish I would have to get all wet. Jeans and tennis shoes don't really do that great in water. But it was still pretty awesome!
I'm starting to make new friends in my classes. Hopefully I can make some good friends that will last through the next few years of college. I need a good study group too because I'm finding some of the topics very difficult to comprehend on my own.
I know that everyone just loves hearing about my school life. It's so interesting, no? Lol, honestly, I am quite a boring person. I don't even know why I keep this blog, but I am actually starting to write a lot more, so I guess that's good.
I'm hoping college gives me more of a social experience than high school did. Since I basically had no social life in high school, I don't think this is too much to ask for. If I hang out once a month I'll have more of a social life than I did in high school. Either way, I'm here to learn, and I don't think I will ever take this many hard classes all together again. My advice? Take 2 or 3 hard courses and 2 or 3 easy courses. Stay balanced, it's much easier.
I'm in a much better mood today. It has been quite tiresome for the most part, but I haven't had to go to class, and I barely had to study. Tomorrow though, that's a different story. New ward, here I come! I'm very excited to be going to the singles' ward, but I'm terrified too. I know all the girls and people in my ward so well; it will be quite a transition to switch. But, I'm looking forward to it, nonetheless.
School is getting better. I think I'm finally starting to figure out which classes I actually need to study for. Behavioral neuroscience is going to be a living hell, not exagerrating. It is probably the worst class to take for a person who does not memorize terms very well. Statistical methods isn't going to be as bad as I thought it would. I don't know why I'd struggle with the math course. I guess it's because everyone I talked to said it was so difficult. I hope to prove them wrong.
Social psych is my Favorite! I really am so excited for this class I have already read a few chapters and we only needed to read the first one so far. Haha, maybe I shouldn't focus on it too much, but I will most definitely be doing something in this field. I am almost positive about that.
My other two classes are only one night a week, so I'm not too worried about them. Adult development and aging will be pretty depressing, but stress management will be oh so helpful. We're actually going to learn different methods for relaxation and how to do them right! I'm so excited! I'll need to learn it for this semester, especially for memorizing all the parts of the brain and nervous system... wow. I'm overwhelmed with everything. This is why I didn't pursue a biology major.
Life is good though. I'm loving my institute class. THe foam dance last night was epically amazing! I loved it!!! I didn't realize that it was the wet soapy foam, so I wasn't quite dressed how I wish I would have to get all wet. Jeans and tennis shoes don't really do that great in water. But it was still pretty awesome!
I'm starting to make new friends in my classes. Hopefully I can make some good friends that will last through the next few years of college. I need a good study group too because I'm finding some of the topics very difficult to comprehend on my own.
I know that everyone just loves hearing about my school life. It's so interesting, no? Lol, honestly, I am quite a boring person. I don't even know why I keep this blog, but I am actually starting to write a lot more, so I guess that's good.
I'm hoping college gives me more of a social experience than high school did. Since I basically had no social life in high school, I don't think this is too much to ask for. If I hang out once a month I'll have more of a social life than I did in high school. Either way, I'm here to learn, and I don't think I will ever take this many hard classes all together again. My advice? Take 2 or 3 hard courses and 2 or 3 easy courses. Stay balanced, it's much easier.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Organizing Everything
My biggest pet peeves:
Not knowing vital information about people, places, or things in which I am interested.
People not shutting the door behind them when they leave or enter a room.
Others keeping secrets from me.
Little things that I notice are out of place, like a pen or pencil on my dresser instead of desk.
I'm sure you just loved hearing those little things I think are a nuisance. Yeah, they frustrate me quite easily. I've noticed I get frustrated very easily... maybe I should relax a little bit. Heh, as if that'll happen.
I feel like a different person today. I know I'm still me, but my thoughts are weird and I keep having this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something's wrong. Maybe I just need some sleep or learn how to better manage my stresses in life.
For those who do not know me well, I am usually not a hopeless romantic. I wish I was moreso in a way, but emotions tend to get put behind reality in my mind. So, when I have emotions come through, they are usually quite strong.
Something's changing in me. I don't know what it is, but I suddenly have this need to want something more. I want to be helped. I need the understanding and commitment that I've never wanted before. It's strange for me to open up like this, especially where everyone can see it if they want to. But, I need close friendship. I really need to connect with someone in a way that I never have before. I wanna love somebody! (Wow... I never quote songs or movies either, yet, there's proof right before your eyes!)
So, to conclude, I am a difficult person with strange annoyances. Yes, I know this is not an essay and I can end whenever I choose without a conclusion, but I felt the need to include one in here. Emotions sometimes seem like a foreign language to me. I need help interpreting them but once I've got it, hopefully I can survive in that world. Romance and opening up are difficult for me to do, so, this truly is quite the post for me. On top of that, I actually quoted something. Here's another quote. Yeah, I think that's it.
Not knowing vital information about people, places, or things in which I am interested.
People not shutting the door behind them when they leave or enter a room.
Others keeping secrets from me.
Little things that I notice are out of place, like a pen or pencil on my dresser instead of desk.
I'm sure you just loved hearing those little things I think are a nuisance. Yeah, they frustrate me quite easily. I've noticed I get frustrated very easily... maybe I should relax a little bit. Heh, as if that'll happen.
I feel like a different person today. I know I'm still me, but my thoughts are weird and I keep having this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something's wrong. Maybe I just need some sleep or learn how to better manage my stresses in life.
For those who do not know me well, I am usually not a hopeless romantic. I wish I was moreso in a way, but emotions tend to get put behind reality in my mind. So, when I have emotions come through, they are usually quite strong.
Something's changing in me. I don't know what it is, but I suddenly have this need to want something more. I want to be helped. I need the understanding and commitment that I've never wanted before. It's strange for me to open up like this, especially where everyone can see it if they want to. But, I need close friendship. I really need to connect with someone in a way that I never have before. I wanna love somebody! (Wow... I never quote songs or movies either, yet, there's proof right before your eyes!)
So, to conclude, I am a difficult person with strange annoyances. Yes, I know this is not an essay and I can end whenever I choose without a conclusion, but I felt the need to include one in here. Emotions sometimes seem like a foreign language to me. I need help interpreting them but once I've got it, hopefully I can survive in that world. Romance and opening up are difficult for me to do, so, this truly is quite the post for me. On top of that, I actually quoted something. Here's another quote. Yeah, I think that's it.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
College Life (In Reality)
I've been to college for the past 2 years, but i never knew how much reading was required in some classes. Just to let you know what I'm talking about, I took 5 upper division psychology classes. When i first signed up for them, I thought, "I've been doing this for quite a while... it should be a piece of cake." Was I ever wrong. So far, I've probably read at least 100 pages between the different books I have and it's only the 3rd day back! Most teachers give out the syllabus, tell you the course requirements, but don't assign too much at the very beginning. I guess the further you go, the more they expect and the less slack time you have. I really am going to be spending 30 hours on homework each week. Usually, I could get off with not reading one of my textbooks or only taking a few notes... Not anymore. And I'm here to compete. I want to get the top grades, I want the satisfaction of knowing that I gave it my best. I'm just worried that I won't have time for anything else (as if I did before).
One thing I've noticed about college though is that it's helped me figure out what I really want out of life. Yes, I would love a rewarding career in psychology someday, but first, I want to have a family. I'll continue to go to school, continue to learn, continue with my life's path that I've created. There just might be a few bumps and turns along the way. It scared me at first that I might veer away from my goals, but now, I realize that I have my entire lifetime to complete them. And I have a long time to live, if I don't die tragically in some way or another (keep my fingers crossed).
I'm overwhelmed by the loads of information that are crashing around me. The hippocampus does this... the olfactory system is related to psycholgy in this way... There are so many things that i have to memorize, which is a big deal for me. I'm not so great at memorizing, and if I can, it takes me a long time. Usually at least double that of normal people. I learn, I can tell you about different theories and who created them, but I don't memorize easily. It's been quite a struggle actually not to be able to with so much schooling that I'm planning on doing. I need to work on that. Maybe this semester will help a little bit.
For anyone who has left for college, good luck. I sure hope you're not taking as difficult a schedule as me. I don't know how I'm going to find all the time to do everything I need to. I wish sleep wasn't necessary, or else I'd have plenty of time, but it is, so I don't. Now, I just need to find a good part time job that I can balance with my reading, homework, and schedule. Ugh... that should be exciting.
One thing I've noticed about college though is that it's helped me figure out what I really want out of life. Yes, I would love a rewarding career in psychology someday, but first, I want to have a family. I'll continue to go to school, continue to learn, continue with my life's path that I've created. There just might be a few bumps and turns along the way. It scared me at first that I might veer away from my goals, but now, I realize that I have my entire lifetime to complete them. And I have a long time to live, if I don't die tragically in some way or another (keep my fingers crossed).
I'm overwhelmed by the loads of information that are crashing around me. The hippocampus does this... the olfactory system is related to psycholgy in this way... There are so many things that i have to memorize, which is a big deal for me. I'm not so great at memorizing, and if I can, it takes me a long time. Usually at least double that of normal people. I learn, I can tell you about different theories and who created them, but I don't memorize easily. It's been quite a struggle actually not to be able to with so much schooling that I'm planning on doing. I need to work on that. Maybe this semester will help a little bit.
For anyone who has left for college, good luck. I sure hope you're not taking as difficult a schedule as me. I don't know how I'm going to find all the time to do everything I need to. I wish sleep wasn't necessary, or else I'd have plenty of time, but it is, so I don't. Now, I just need to find a good part time job that I can balance with my reading, homework, and schedule. Ugh... that should be exciting.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Life Stresses and Disappointments
Life is stressful. Most people know this... I guess I just got the memo. I thought being independent (to an extent) and getting my own life would help me with dealing with the stresses of life. It definitely has. I've had lots of stressful times, and I know that nothing will ever compare to some of those. But now, I'm just stressed about life in general. I need to find a job, I need to start making money, I need to get a car, I need to go to school, I need to read my textbooks, I need to do well. Why can't I just do what I want to... I want to be happy. I don't want to be stressed out. Is that really too much to ask?
Why do I keep having these weird moods where I'm so down and depressing to talk to. I'm not me. I am, but I'm not. Make sense? Is this all just a part of growing up? I thought I'd be happy to be back in school. To be busy. To live my life. But, I'm not. I thought keeping close friends around all the time would help me. I have amazing friends and family and relatives. I don't know why I'm not happy. I don't have any reason to be disappointed with my life. Happiness is part choice, part circumstance. My circumstances are good, so maybe I just need to choose to be happy. I think I'll try that tomorrow. That should solve everything, hopefully.
Why do I keep having these weird moods where I'm so down and depressing to talk to. I'm not me. I am, but I'm not. Make sense? Is this all just a part of growing up? I thought I'd be happy to be back in school. To be busy. To live my life. But, I'm not. I thought keeping close friends around all the time would help me. I have amazing friends and family and relatives. I don't know why I'm not happy. I don't have any reason to be disappointed with my life. Happiness is part choice, part circumstance. My circumstances are good, so maybe I just need to choose to be happy. I think I'll try that tomorrow. That should solve everything, hopefully.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
My Mind the Night Before School...
Life is full of simple pleasures. No need to explain, it just it.
I have never noticed how bored I can get within a few hours. Tonight, the YSA wards were reestablished and I went to the fireside to see who my new ward would be. It was so dang long... I thought I was going to die from boredom. The speakers were mostly good, but the last one talked for an entire hour! And he repeated himself time and time again. I was quite frustrated by the end.
I just want to say I love flowers. I don't necessarily have a favorite flower, but I love how they look, how some of them smell, what they symbolize. They're so beautiful and very... simple. I have realized I love simplicity. It's much better than drama, stress, and problems. So, I'm trying to make my life simpler. Less distractions. Close friends. Better communication. Simple.
Rollercoasters are a ton of fun, unless they are messing with your emotions. I just wish that my emotions would stop going up and down, spin around, twist, turn, loopty-loop. Hopefully with more things to do I'll have something to keep my mind occupied all the time. Yay school... I'm excited, but not ready to go back. I just hope my classes aren't too difficult.
The End.
I have never noticed how bored I can get within a few hours. Tonight, the YSA wards were reestablished and I went to the fireside to see who my new ward would be. It was so dang long... I thought I was going to die from boredom. The speakers were mostly good, but the last one talked for an entire hour! And he repeated himself time and time again. I was quite frustrated by the end.
I just want to say I love flowers. I don't necessarily have a favorite flower, but I love how they look, how some of them smell, what they symbolize. They're so beautiful and very... simple. I have realized I love simplicity. It's much better than drama, stress, and problems. So, I'm trying to make my life simpler. Less distractions. Close friends. Better communication. Simple.
Rollercoasters are a ton of fun, unless they are messing with your emotions. I just wish that my emotions would stop going up and down, spin around, twist, turn, loopty-loop. Hopefully with more things to do I'll have something to keep my mind occupied all the time. Yay school... I'm excited, but not ready to go back. I just hope my classes aren't too difficult.
The End.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Simple Happiness
I think I am in love with Keith Urban's music! Honestly, those of you who have never listened to him must because he is simply amazing! I recently changed my ringtone to "I'm In," by, guess who? Keith Urban. Just thought I'd let you know that. Seriously though, his music is peaceful and so beautiful. I'm actually learning how to play "Tonight I Wanna Cry" on the piano. Since it's usually played on the piano, it actually sounds pretty good. I want to memorize this song. For me, this is quite a task to take upon myself since I am terrible at memorizing. The only song I was ever able to memorize completely was this Christmas song a few years back that I played constantly. So, my goal may be unreachable, but I'll still try to reach it.
Children are amazing. I've actually been thinking about kids a lot lately. Is that weird? I don't think so... not too weird at least. Today though, I had plenty of reason to think. I went to a baby shower for a friend and then later babysat these two adorable little boys. Shopping for the baby clothes and then playing with the little boys made me excited to think that someday I will want to have a family of my own... Not soon. A long ways in the future, hopefully. But some day... And they will be adorable little children. And I will be happy.
My eyes are practically dying, so I guess that means I should end this post. Goodnight!
Children are amazing. I've actually been thinking about kids a lot lately. Is that weird? I don't think so... not too weird at least. Today though, I had plenty of reason to think. I went to a baby shower for a friend and then later babysat these two adorable little boys. Shopping for the baby clothes and then playing with the little boys made me excited to think that someday I will want to have a family of my own... Not soon. A long ways in the future, hopefully. But some day... And they will be adorable little children. And I will be happy.
My eyes are practically dying, so I guess that means I should end this post. Goodnight!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Life Unknown
Please enjoy this poem. I wrote it when I was not in the best of moods, and it really seemed to help me get my emotions out.
Oh the bitter taste of life
Why be so agonizing?
The pounding grows in my heart
As I watch you lay in wait, hiding.
The carelessness of your touch
stings. Reality came.
My life: ruined, crashing down
Is this all just a game?
Life, please understand
that I'm tired of waiting.
The displeasure is too painful.
Go away. Stop hating.
What have I done to deserve this?
Please, tell me soon.
The unknown is worse
Than an everlasting gloom.
Oh the bitter taste of life
Why be so agonizing?
The pounding grows in my heart
As I watch you lay in wait, hiding.
The carelessness of your touch
stings. Reality came.
My life: ruined, crashing down
Is this all just a game?
Life, please understand
that I'm tired of waiting.
The displeasure is too painful.
Go away. Stop hating.
What have I done to deserve this?
Please, tell me soon.
The unknown is worse
Than an everlasting gloom.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Lightning the Mood... or not.
Do you ever get in those moods where you're just pissed at life for no apparent reason? Well, I'm in that mood right now... And it's completely out of character for me. I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to think about anything, and I just want to be alone without a care in the world. Too bad life never turns out how we want it to...
But sometimes, it's just our attitude that needs the changing. I just got off here for a minute, then back on. I could hear the rain, the thunder, and everything was so peaceful. I felt safe and warm in my cozy little bed. It's amazing what a few minutes can do to your mood. Just taking a second to step back and look at yourself. I have trouble doing that sometimes, but when I do, I usually learn a lot about myself.
Is it a lie to not tell the complete truth? I never have quite been able to figure that out. I don't like to lie, for the most part (though I'm quite talented at it - far too much practice that I'm not really proud of). But recently, I have been trying to be more honest and open, though I don't know if it's safe to share so many secrets and insights with other people. I'm tired of being lonely and isolated. I need that interaction with others. I don't mind being alone most of the time, but I'm ready to get back to school and socialize. Not just socialize, but actually meet new people. I need to get my mind busy on other things: homework and friends would be nice.
Normally, I like to be optimistic about life. I like to think that there's happiness around every corner; that things will work out for the best. I'm not so sure about that now. Realism is starting to set in. When you make stupid mistakes, you get stupid consequences. Learning this firsthand is difficult... but enlightening at the same time. I don't think that bad is everywhere. But, I don't know if good will be lurking around every turn in the road of life. As I think about this, I start to realize it's all attitude. When we have a bad attitude, bad things seem even worse than usual. But with a positive attitude, bad things are less likely to be so terrible. Just my thoughts.
Anyways, I think this will be the end. I'm still not in a great mood, and I don't know why... Maybe sleep will help.
But sometimes, it's just our attitude that needs the changing. I just got off here for a minute, then back on. I could hear the rain, the thunder, and everything was so peaceful. I felt safe and warm in my cozy little bed. It's amazing what a few minutes can do to your mood. Just taking a second to step back and look at yourself. I have trouble doing that sometimes, but when I do, I usually learn a lot about myself.
Is it a lie to not tell the complete truth? I never have quite been able to figure that out. I don't like to lie, for the most part (though I'm quite talented at it - far too much practice that I'm not really proud of). But recently, I have been trying to be more honest and open, though I don't know if it's safe to share so many secrets and insights with other people. I'm tired of being lonely and isolated. I need that interaction with others. I don't mind being alone most of the time, but I'm ready to get back to school and socialize. Not just socialize, but actually meet new people. I need to get my mind busy on other things: homework and friends would be nice.
Normally, I like to be optimistic about life. I like to think that there's happiness around every corner; that things will work out for the best. I'm not so sure about that now. Realism is starting to set in. When you make stupid mistakes, you get stupid consequences. Learning this firsthand is difficult... but enlightening at the same time. I don't think that bad is everywhere. But, I don't know if good will be lurking around every turn in the road of life. As I think about this, I start to realize it's all attitude. When we have a bad attitude, bad things seem even worse than usual. But with a positive attitude, bad things are less likely to be so terrible. Just my thoughts.
Anyways, I think this will be the end. I'm still not in a great mood, and I don't know why... Maybe sleep will help.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Water BOM...
Yes, the title is a play on words. Bear with me. I'm in a very strange mood today.
I made the weirdest comment earlier... it was me-ish, but not really. I was at Sue's house; we were watching a movie with a couple of other people, and she had this Brita water filter. I've seen all of these filters before. They're usually not interesting, but this one was. It had this little tiny cap on it so that whenever you poured water, the cap went up, and then back down. I don't know why, but this made my day. Yes, it's odd, but true... (don't judge).
Last post, I wanted to write a poem, and I think I have the perfect topic. I just finished reading the Book of Mormon and it was my first time reading the entire book. I must admit, I can't believe it took me such a long time to read. The most amazing book I've ever read, and I've read some amazing books. There is so much information, so much knowledge, so much strength. So, here's my poem. I hope you like it.
One Book, lying with it pages open to read.
A novel of lives, the
last dying breath of a main character.
The pages are filled with pride, love, sacrifice.
I slowly close the cover. Months pass.
Every day, I open the book and read a passage,
a page, a verse.
Much is read, few resonates, little is truly understood.
The words seem to mock my inability to comprehend them.
Time spins backwards and slows down in the musty pages.
I feel myself being torn away from the problems of this
Life, and finding light through the struggles of others.
Engulfed in war and battle scenes, I am soon
to enjoy the serenity and peace of the pure
Love of Christ. Lives are changed,
whether they lived centuries ago... or today.
There are no secrets kept from the most faithful
of followers. Stay on the path and all
will be revealed, given time. Proceed with faith,
give with hope, care with charity.
Give unto a fellow man, do not engage in
worldly ways. Keep oaths and covenants.
Remain pure. He is the life and the light of the world.
God is good. And all is well.
Let me know what you think... I haven't written like this in a long time, and these are a few of my thoughts. I just thought I'd try a new way of expressing them.
I made the weirdest comment earlier... it was me-ish, but not really. I was at Sue's house; we were watching a movie with a couple of other people, and she had this Brita water filter. I've seen all of these filters before. They're usually not interesting, but this one was. It had this little tiny cap on it so that whenever you poured water, the cap went up, and then back down. I don't know why, but this made my day. Yes, it's odd, but true... (don't judge).
Last post, I wanted to write a poem, and I think I have the perfect topic. I just finished reading the Book of Mormon and it was my first time reading the entire book. I must admit, I can't believe it took me such a long time to read. The most amazing book I've ever read, and I've read some amazing books. There is so much information, so much knowledge, so much strength. So, here's my poem. I hope you like it.
One Book, lying with it pages open to read.
A novel of lives, the
last dying breath of a main character.
The pages are filled with pride, love, sacrifice.
I slowly close the cover. Months pass.
Every day, I open the book and read a passage,
a page, a verse.
Much is read, few resonates, little is truly understood.
The words seem to mock my inability to comprehend them.
Time spins backwards and slows down in the musty pages.
I feel myself being torn away from the problems of this
Life, and finding light through the struggles of others.
Engulfed in war and battle scenes, I am soon
to enjoy the serenity and peace of the pure
Love of Christ. Lives are changed,
whether they lived centuries ago... or today.
There are no secrets kept from the most faithful
of followers. Stay on the path and all
will be revealed, given time. Proceed with faith,
give with hope, care with charity.
Give unto a fellow man, do not engage in
worldly ways. Keep oaths and covenants.
Remain pure. He is the life and the light of the world.
God is good. And all is well.
Let me know what you think... I haven't written like this in a long time, and these are a few of my thoughts. I just thought I'd try a new way of expressing them.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
My Boggled Thoughts
I have come to the conclusion: I hate zucchini. Today, my mom wanted me to shred all of the giant zucchini that we’ve picked, and I remember why I did not enjoy doing it last year. It has something in it that sticks to hands. I have green coating all over my fingers now, and it feels like super glue. No bueno.
I believe I have found the most amazing and encouraging song. It’s called One Day You Will by Lady Antebellum. I’ve listened to it over and over, and I must admit, it is amazing! You should go look it up if you want. The lyrics are so uplifting, and the music is beautiful. I love it at least, and you should too.
Let’s see… I forgot today was stake conference, so I got ready for church (I must admit, I looked cute too), and then found out that I didn’t even need to get ready for the day. This was quite disappointing news for me. I was really looking forward to learning something new today.
Oh! I straightened my hair! This is a huge deal for me because it means that I am really considering changing something about myself. Caitlyn wants me to cut bangs, but I'm not so sure about that. I’ve noticed that I’ve been doing quite a lot of changing recently. My room, my hair, my schedule. Now, it’s time to change me. I’ve been contemplating this, and I think I’m ready to change.
Obviously the weather has the same idea as me. It has been rainy, stormy, and wonderful. I love the rain. The sound of it in the middle of the night, hearing the thunder rumble in the background, and smelling the sweetness of the rain. There is no better feeling than sitting in bed late at night enjoying a thunderstorm.
So, I think I’m going to start writing more. I miss writing, and I’m starting to get weak with my writing abilities. I used to be able to write pages about nothing whatsoever and I can’t do that anymore. I must relearn that before school starts again.
Oh yes, school. I’ve been contemplating what I think about going back. I’m not sure if I’m excited, terrified, nervous, upset. I do know that I need something to occupy my time, but I’m not sure that school is what I want to occupy it. I am excited for a few classes, one being social psychology, but behavioral neuroscience sounds like torture. I’ll deal I guess.
I think I’ve run out of ideas to write about. Next post though, I want to put a few poems on here. Now, I just have to write them.
I believe I have found the most amazing and encouraging song. It’s called One Day You Will by Lady Antebellum. I’ve listened to it over and over, and I must admit, it is amazing! You should go look it up if you want. The lyrics are so uplifting, and the music is beautiful. I love it at least, and you should too.
Let’s see… I forgot today was stake conference, so I got ready for church (I must admit, I looked cute too), and then found out that I didn’t even need to get ready for the day. This was quite disappointing news for me. I was really looking forward to learning something new today.
Oh! I straightened my hair! This is a huge deal for me because it means that I am really considering changing something about myself. Caitlyn wants me to cut bangs, but I'm not so sure about that. I’ve noticed that I’ve been doing quite a lot of changing recently. My room, my hair, my schedule. Now, it’s time to change me. I’ve been contemplating this, and I think I’m ready to change.
Obviously the weather has the same idea as me. It has been rainy, stormy, and wonderful. I love the rain. The sound of it in the middle of the night, hearing the thunder rumble in the background, and smelling the sweetness of the rain. There is no better feeling than sitting in bed late at night enjoying a thunderstorm.
So, I think I’m going to start writing more. I miss writing, and I’m starting to get weak with my writing abilities. I used to be able to write pages about nothing whatsoever and I can’t do that anymore. I must relearn that before school starts again.
Oh yes, school. I’ve been contemplating what I think about going back. I’m not sure if I’m excited, terrified, nervous, upset. I do know that I need something to occupy my time, but I’m not sure that school is what I want to occupy it. I am excited for a few classes, one being social psychology, but behavioral neuroscience sounds like torture. I’ll deal I guess.
I think I’ve run out of ideas to write about. Next post though, I want to put a few poems on here. Now, I just have to write them.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Forces of Nature
I hate the weather right now... it's far too windy and I can feel the autumn breeze starting to fill the air. I thought I would be thrilled to see summer end, but I'm not. I'm ready to be busy again, but I don't want to be at the same time. Does that make sense? Well, it does to me. I'm tired of sitting at home with nothing to accompany me except my thoughts. I don't like helping around the house at the moment, and I need to go back to school, even though I don't necessarily want to go to all of my classes.
I am not looking forward to some of the classes I am taking. Yes, I can't wait to study social psychology and stress management, but statistical methods in psychology does not sound like the most entertaining class. Who knows, I might love it, but I don't want to. Not right now.
Have you ever thought about the connections that we have to different people in our lives? Well, I have. I have given this subject great thought, and I have a theory. People all have different connections: mental, psychological, physical, emotional connections. We can only really see the physical and feel the emotional connections in our lives. But, I have wondered what causes these connections. Is there some sort of 5th dimmension that we have not discovered where thoughts dominate the universe? I think so. I have no idea how this could be proven or even tested, but I think it might be quite an interesting study if someone actually took it seriously.
The brain power that it would take to supply these connections could be extremely small, or very large. I've always wanted to believe in things like supernatural power where the brain is the only instrument used to move the physical world. Does this make any sense at all? Oh well. I need to get these thoughts down before I forget.
I wonder if there's anyone else who thinks this is as interesting as I do. Maybe I'll find out in college. Two years until grad school! Woohoo! For now though, I probably ought to focus on actually getting the degree.
I am not looking forward to some of the classes I am taking. Yes, I can't wait to study social psychology and stress management, but statistical methods in psychology does not sound like the most entertaining class. Who knows, I might love it, but I don't want to. Not right now.
Have you ever thought about the connections that we have to different people in our lives? Well, I have. I have given this subject great thought, and I have a theory. People all have different connections: mental, psychological, physical, emotional connections. We can only really see the physical and feel the emotional connections in our lives. But, I have wondered what causes these connections. Is there some sort of 5th dimmension that we have not discovered where thoughts dominate the universe? I think so. I have no idea how this could be proven or even tested, but I think it might be quite an interesting study if someone actually took it seriously.
The brain power that it would take to supply these connections could be extremely small, or very large. I've always wanted to believe in things like supernatural power where the brain is the only instrument used to move the physical world. Does this make any sense at all? Oh well. I need to get these thoughts down before I forget.
I wonder if there's anyone else who thinks this is as interesting as I do. Maybe I'll find out in college. Two years until grad school! Woohoo! For now though, I probably ought to focus on actually getting the degree.
Monday, August 2, 2010
A Change of Pace...
Today has been quite the day. My little cousin, Conlan, came over to swim and I found out he’s terrified of water. At first he wouldn’t even get off the steps, then he finally decided to get on the “boat.” Caitlyn and I were sharks and alligators, and he chased us and splashed us to turn us “nice.” It was a pretty fun game. I haven’t had that much fun in the pool for a couple of weeks.
But that’s not the reason I wanted to write this post. Last night, I went for a walk around the temple grounds - it was amazing. I haven’t felt that much peace and comfort in a long time, and I knew that, somehow, everything would work out. My life has been in a mess the past few months, even years. I didn't really know where I was going, what I was doing, and who I was. I lost myself. But last night, I felt an immense peace settle over me. I haven't felt that way in a long time, and it was such a great feeling. I have a lot of things I need to change, I know that. I need to find myself again. I need to be truly happy. I thought I was happy, but I forgot what true happiness felt like. I re-experienced that last night. For anyone who is reading this, the temple is the most amazing place in the world. There is no other way to gain happiness without God in your life.
Change of subject. I just found out that I cannot text and talk at the same time. It's impossible. For all of those people who can accomplish this great task, I applaud you. I notice that I can't listen to music and read at the same time either. I'm sure you were just dying to hear all of this about me. It must be some sort of mental thing. I can't multitask when I am using the same part of my brain for two different tasks; it's almost impossible!
This is a very random post for me. I usually know what I want to talk about, but I have so many things I want to say. Recently, I had a fortune cookie that said, "A long lost friend will soon return in your life," or something like that. My fortune came true! My friend, Sarah, is coming down here for college for the next couple years. I just found it funny (ironic maybe?) that a fortune cookie and my real life correspong (is that the right word?) with each other.
Random assortment of ideas, I know... But, read it you want, comment if you will, and keep yourself entertained, even if it is by reading my little blog post. Those are my words of advice.
But that’s not the reason I wanted to write this post. Last night, I went for a walk around the temple grounds - it was amazing. I haven’t felt that much peace and comfort in a long time, and I knew that, somehow, everything would work out. My life has been in a mess the past few months, even years. I didn't really know where I was going, what I was doing, and who I was. I lost myself. But last night, I felt an immense peace settle over me. I haven't felt that way in a long time, and it was such a great feeling. I have a lot of things I need to change, I know that. I need to find myself again. I need to be truly happy. I thought I was happy, but I forgot what true happiness felt like. I re-experienced that last night. For anyone who is reading this, the temple is the most amazing place in the world. There is no other way to gain happiness without God in your life.
Change of subject. I just found out that I cannot text and talk at the same time. It's impossible. For all of those people who can accomplish this great task, I applaud you. I notice that I can't listen to music and read at the same time either. I'm sure you were just dying to hear all of this about me. It must be some sort of mental thing. I can't multitask when I am using the same part of my brain for two different tasks; it's almost impossible!
This is a very random post for me. I usually know what I want to talk about, but I have so many things I want to say. Recently, I had a fortune cookie that said, "A long lost friend will soon return in your life," or something like that. My fortune came true! My friend, Sarah, is coming down here for college for the next couple years. I just found it funny (ironic maybe?) that a fortune cookie and my real life correspong (is that the right word?) with each other.
Random assortment of ideas, I know... But, read it you want, comment if you will, and keep yourself entertained, even if it is by reading my little blog post. Those are my words of advice.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Memories...
As I look at my room, it is completely bare, except my bed, my computer, and a few scattered things on the floor. All the wall decorations are gone. The personality that has been so much a part of my life for the past 8 years... it's gone. Soon enough, the carpet will be replaced with a hard laminate flooring. My homemade desk will be replaced with a store-bought one. The blue ocean walls will soon become a tranquil green. And the ceiling will have the look of clouds. It will be the outdoors, but inside.
I'm actually really excited to have some change in my life, even if it is just redoing my room.
I was thinking about all of the changes happening in my house when I started thinking about all the changes that have been happening to me. I went through high school, made and lost friends, went to college... my life had its ups and its downs. Now, I'm graduated, I'm planning my future, and I need to be ready for whatever life throws at my doorstep.
For some odd reason, I started to think about the song, "Memory," from Cats. The memories from school started to flood over me. I remember one time sitting in my room with Tiffany, Jane, and Ashley as sophomores, discussing the most important topics of the day. I remember that someone opened my dresser drawers when I left the room for a minute, moved my books around, and started messing with little things they knew would make me mad. These were little pet peeves that now don't bother me.... as much.
Another memory just came to mind, and it was the first day of Success Academy. I was terrified. I hardly knew anyone in my class.... I'm not the best at making friends either. But, one girl in the class was sitting alone, and I sat next to her. Next thing I know, we became great friends, and from there, I became good friends with a lot of the other students in my class. We sure had a lot of fun in Success too... messing with the afternoon class, slacking off on homework until the last minute (well, I never did that, but I ended up helping those who did), our trips to Denny's, getting kicked out of class... I miss those times; the times that we were all together.
Oh how the memories keep flooding in...
I've had so many great times the past few years. I remember talking on the phone with good friends, a sleepover here and there, and listening to music while doing homework assignment after homework assignment... I've been stressed out, I've laughed, I've cried, I've lived through my teenage years and yet, I have a feeling that this is just the beginning...
I thought I knew everything to know about life. The truth is, I don't really know anything. Now, I know I have so much more to learn. I have so many more memories to create. A song just came on that I absolute love and it ... kinda fits... It has the word memory in it anyways. Keith Urban's "Making Memories of Us." Good song, then again, all of his songs are excellent.
So many changes are happening. I knew they were coming, and I guess I'm excited, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder what will happen. Even though I'm staying at home, I plan on having a great college experience. Memories are good and so is change. "Remember the past, live in the present, and fear not the future, for it doesn't exist and never shall... there is only now." One of my favorite quotes.
Anyways, I'm starting to ramble and this is becoming a really long post, so I think this will be the end.
I'm actually really excited to have some change in my life, even if it is just redoing my room.
I was thinking about all of the changes happening in my house when I started thinking about all the changes that have been happening to me. I went through high school, made and lost friends, went to college... my life had its ups and its downs. Now, I'm graduated, I'm planning my future, and I need to be ready for whatever life throws at my doorstep.
For some odd reason, I started to think about the song, "Memory," from Cats. The memories from school started to flood over me. I remember one time sitting in my room with Tiffany, Jane, and Ashley as sophomores, discussing the most important topics of the day. I remember that someone opened my dresser drawers when I left the room for a minute, moved my books around, and started messing with little things they knew would make me mad. These were little pet peeves that now don't bother me.... as much.
Another memory just came to mind, and it was the first day of Success Academy. I was terrified. I hardly knew anyone in my class.... I'm not the best at making friends either. But, one girl in the class was sitting alone, and I sat next to her. Next thing I know, we became great friends, and from there, I became good friends with a lot of the other students in my class. We sure had a lot of fun in Success too... messing with the afternoon class, slacking off on homework until the last minute (well, I never did that, but I ended up helping those who did), our trips to Denny's, getting kicked out of class... I miss those times; the times that we were all together.
Oh how the memories keep flooding in...
I've had so many great times the past few years. I remember talking on the phone with good friends, a sleepover here and there, and listening to music while doing homework assignment after homework assignment... I've been stressed out, I've laughed, I've cried, I've lived through my teenage years and yet, I have a feeling that this is just the beginning...
I thought I knew everything to know about life. The truth is, I don't really know anything. Now, I know I have so much more to learn. I have so many more memories to create. A song just came on that I absolute love and it ... kinda fits... It has the word memory in it anyways. Keith Urban's "Making Memories of Us." Good song, then again, all of his songs are excellent.
So many changes are happening. I knew they were coming, and I guess I'm excited, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder what will happen. Even though I'm staying at home, I plan on having a great college experience. Memories are good and so is change. "Remember the past, live in the present, and fear not the future, for it doesn't exist and never shall... there is only now." One of my favorite quotes.
Anyways, I'm starting to ramble and this is becoming a really long post, so I think this will be the end.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
18 & Aging
So, today's my birthday, and I wanted to share how I feel about being 18...
Well, to be honest, I don't really feel that much different. Yeah, I can vote now. I am considered an "adult." But does that change who I am? Not at all. I still feel the same way that I have in past weeks.
This might seem strange to some people, but growing up doesn't really scare me. In fact, I'm quite excited for whatever life might throw my way. I'm starting to realize what I want in life, my expectations, my likes and dislikes, and my real opinions. I think I'm finally starting to understand myself. Although I knew who I was a long time ago, I am growing so much, learning from my experiences (the good and the bad), and I know how to deal with difficult situations.
I just want to say what I did for my birthday. My parents got me tickets to go see Cats at Tuacahn. I was really excited, since I've never seen the musical before, and it exceeded my expectations. I laughed, cried, and felt like I really connected with the play. It has a great metaphorical meaning with which anyone can connect. Then today, I went to church, my grandparents wished me a happy birthday, and I got some presents. All in all, I have had a great 18th Birthday. Even though I'm now an adult, I don't quite feel the difference... I'm still the same.
Well, to be honest, I don't really feel that much different. Yeah, I can vote now. I am considered an "adult." But does that change who I am? Not at all. I still feel the same way that I have in past weeks.
This might seem strange to some people, but growing up doesn't really scare me. In fact, I'm quite excited for whatever life might throw my way. I'm starting to realize what I want in life, my expectations, my likes and dislikes, and my real opinions. I think I'm finally starting to understand myself. Although I knew who I was a long time ago, I am growing so much, learning from my experiences (the good and the bad), and I know how to deal with difficult situations.
I just want to say what I did for my birthday. My parents got me tickets to go see Cats at Tuacahn. I was really excited, since I've never seen the musical before, and it exceeded my expectations. I laughed, cried, and felt like I really connected with the play. It has a great metaphorical meaning with which anyone can connect. Then today, I went to church, my grandparents wished me a happy birthday, and I got some presents. All in all, I have had a great 18th Birthday. Even though I'm now an adult, I don't quite feel the difference... I'm still the same.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Summer Boredom
The heat is throbbing as I take one step outside. Fire seems to engulf my entire persona. I don't know whether I've walked outside or into an oven. Welcome to summer in St. George. Most people quite enjoy the summer days; they'll swim, go to the lake, take a vacation, hang out with friends, and sleep... But, not me... Honestly, I think summer is quite easily my least favorite season. I feel as if I can't breathe properly when I'm outside, which makes me want to stay inside, which makes me feel as if I have nothing to do, which makes me feel like I need to do something, which makes me feel as if I can't do anything, which makes me feel like a failure... At least, that's how today feels. I am usually not a pessimist, but the heat may very well turn me into one.
Don't get me wrong, I love life, just.... well, not today. I kind of wish school would start so I would have something to preoccupy my mind and time. I get bored too easily and am ready for a change of pace. I thought I could keep myself busy with household duties, but I still get sidetracked, and half the time I don't want to do whatever I'm supposed to be doing. I don't want to be bored, but I want something different to preoccupy my time.
My mind is everywhere and no where all at the same time. I feel as if I don't know which way is up, or which direction I need to go. So many thoughts are engulfing my mind, and the summer boredom is doing nothing to help me figure out what I need to figure out. The problem is, I have been keeping my body busy, but I have nothing to occupy my thoughts. I keep trying to listen to music or read, but the thoughts keep reapproaching, and I don't know whether to shoo them away or to embrace them.
Life is too complicated. That's all I have to say. I sometimes wish that there were no problems in life, and that if there were problems, that other people would take care of them. But I know that would never help me grow and would never help me learn. So for right now, I need to learn to deal with these problems as best as possible. Fall, please come as soon as possible... Although you will without a doubt bring new problems, I just need a change.
Don't get me wrong, I love life, just.... well, not today. I kind of wish school would start so I would have something to preoccupy my mind and time. I get bored too easily and am ready for a change of pace. I thought I could keep myself busy with household duties, but I still get sidetracked, and half the time I don't want to do whatever I'm supposed to be doing. I don't want to be bored, but I want something different to preoccupy my time.
My mind is everywhere and no where all at the same time. I feel as if I don't know which way is up, or which direction I need to go. So many thoughts are engulfing my mind, and the summer boredom is doing nothing to help me figure out what I need to figure out. The problem is, I have been keeping my body busy, but I have nothing to occupy my thoughts. I keep trying to listen to music or read, but the thoughts keep reapproaching, and I don't know whether to shoo them away or to embrace them.
Life is too complicated. That's all I have to say. I sometimes wish that there were no problems in life, and that if there were problems, that other people would take care of them. But I know that would never help me grow and would never help me learn. So for right now, I need to learn to deal with these problems as best as possible. Fall, please come as soon as possible... Although you will without a doubt bring new problems, I just need a change.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Some Julius Caesar Satire
This was the final project for my English 0990 class during sophomore year. Me and a friend decided to create a newspaper, and this is one of my favorite articles. We wrote about Rome, Julius Caesar, politics, and other odd bits of information. This piece is "written" the day after the death of Julius Caesar and is meant to be satirical. If anyone actually reads this, enjoy! And please comment...
Well-known throughout the city, Brutus was a loving friend to Julius Caesar. Just before the funeral, he gave me (the reporter) all of the inside information between the relationship with him and Caesar, and the reasoning for the killing of his most dearly beloved friend. According to Brutus, "Julius Caesar was a great man, yet he needed to die for he was ambitious. Many of us Senators decided to lessen his worries of the next twenty years by giving him peace of mind right now. We did not hurt Caesar, quite the contrary. We saved him from himself, and we saved him from Rome. Had he not died now, he would have dealt with the worry about dying for years to come. Alas, never think this a wrongdoing, yet a deed unto a great and noble friend. He was a snake waiting to crack out of his shell and conquer all of Rome." As we well know, Brutus and all of the other conspirators were driven out of town yesterday, so there is no need to hide the truth. Honorable Brutus was just trying to save his friend from the suffering and misery of a lifetime. Maybe if we were all honorable friends like Brutus and killed everybody, nobody would ever have to suffer on this earth. Oh gods, rest poor Caesar's soul!
Well-known throughout the city, Brutus was a loving friend to Julius Caesar. Just before the funeral, he gave me (the reporter) all of the inside information between the relationship with him and Caesar, and the reasoning for the killing of his most dearly beloved friend. According to Brutus, "Julius Caesar was a great man, yet he needed to die for he was ambitious. Many of us Senators decided to lessen his worries of the next twenty years by giving him peace of mind right now. We did not hurt Caesar, quite the contrary. We saved him from himself, and we saved him from Rome. Had he not died now, he would have dealt with the worry about dying for years to come. Alas, never think this a wrongdoing, yet a deed unto a great and noble friend. He was a snake waiting to crack out of his shell and conquer all of Rome." As we well know, Brutus and all of the other conspirators were driven out of town yesterday, so there is no need to hide the truth. Honorable Brutus was just trying to save his friend from the suffering and misery of a lifetime. Maybe if we were all honorable friends like Brutus and killed everybody, nobody would ever have to suffer on this earth. Oh gods, rest poor Caesar's soul!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The Mess of Cleaning
Paint flying in every direction, the carpet is gone only to be replaced with laminate flooring, and curtains are washed... For the past couple of days, me, my sister, and my mom have been laboriously trying to redo Caitlyn's room. This, as you might guess, has been quite the project. Our house is a mess of bedroom furniture, some scattered in my room, some in my mom's room, and the rest is piled in the kitchen. Knick-knacks and junk are being sorted out; some will stay, some will be thrown in the trash. All the walls have been repainted a medium purple, and the floor is now a brownish-blue. Sweating, cleaning, painting... Even though it's a lot of work, it has still been quite fun. Now, it's almost done. And what happens when all the work has ended? It will only be replaced by more work, more stress, and more mess. The cleaning and remodeling has just begun...
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