The Ultimate Betrayal
That first night, Our first kiss
The first time, What joy and bliss
I hear your name And my heart cries,
Longing to see Your loving eyes
A moment late I arrive
You're lying there, Her by your side
Stopped in my tracks, My breath is gone
I never thought You'd be that one
To hurt my pride My senseless thoughts
How could you ever... I should have not
Walked in that day. It made me wail
You there with her - The ultimate betrayal.
An Unescapable Truth
A lone man
A simple plan -
Death.
A parents child
A man defiled -
Lost.
A friend to us
A lover at once -
Revenge.
A happy day
Of men who pray -
Gone.
A world of peace
Man's anger ceased -
Unknown.
An murderous death
To an innocent man -
Unforgivable.
The last chance of a world
Torn to pieces -
Christ.
I know these have completely different meanings, but I'd really appreciate if you told me what you think of them. I wanted to capture the moment in the piece, and as the writer, I want to know if the readers think I accomplished that. You can probably tell I'm in a very pessimestic mood today. Life sucks, and then we die. Yep, that's about how I've been feeling recently. At least it gives me a lot to write about... enjoy!
Showing posts with label mood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mood. Show all posts
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Smile! Today's a New Day :)
I have a new favorite place on campus. It's the student service center. They always have music playing, but it's low enough that it doesn't bother me when I study. I can come in here, pull out my laptop and chill while I'm waiting for class to start. It's very nice. That's where I am right now. Sitting at a table, should be reading for my next class, but instead, I felt like blogging.
I heard the best quote today. It said, "Although you may not have the best of everything, you can make the best of everything you have." Just thinking about that made me realize how lucky I am to be going to school, to have such a great family, and such wonderful friends. I am deciding right now to make the rest of this semester great. I'm going to try to be more friendly, positive, and give more compliments. We had an activity in my stress management class last night where half the class went around and wished everyone else "health and happiness." It brightened my mood considerably, and I would recommend it to anyone who has been feeling down. So reader, I wish you health and happiness. Now, go pass that message along to someone else who you either know or run into at random. It will brighten both your and their day.
Positive thought has been on my mind recently. I think that with enough positive thought, you really can get through difficult situations in life. I know I've been through plenty of them, and the best cure is thinking positively. It's easy to let reality catch up to you. Easy to get down. If you've been reading my posts recently, you'd realize I've had plenty of negative thoughts the past couple of weeks. Positivity (I don't know if that's actually a word) can really help improve your own and others' lives. And you may now know it at the moment, but even a smile can make the difference in someone's day.
This experience just came to my mind. Last year, I was walking to one of my classes, and this random guy comes up to me just says hello and starts walking with me. He's very friendly, and wishes me a good day. I've always wanted to do that to someone else. Just walk up to a stranger and be able to wish them happiness. I think that's going on my bucket list. But, this experience stuck with me. I really did have a better day just because someone was kind enough to speak with me on the crowded college campus.
I'm tired of being negative. Sometimes it brings about interesting topics of conversation, but positive interaction is better for the body. I don't really know if you cared to hear me discuss positive and negative moods, but that's just too bad. Smile! And have a lovely day!
Now go pass along the message :)
I heard the best quote today. It said, "Although you may not have the best of everything, you can make the best of everything you have." Just thinking about that made me realize how lucky I am to be going to school, to have such a great family, and such wonderful friends. I am deciding right now to make the rest of this semester great. I'm going to try to be more friendly, positive, and give more compliments. We had an activity in my stress management class last night where half the class went around and wished everyone else "health and happiness." It brightened my mood considerably, and I would recommend it to anyone who has been feeling down. So reader, I wish you health and happiness. Now, go pass that message along to someone else who you either know or run into at random. It will brighten both your and their day.
Positive thought has been on my mind recently. I think that with enough positive thought, you really can get through difficult situations in life. I know I've been through plenty of them, and the best cure is thinking positively. It's easy to let reality catch up to you. Easy to get down. If you've been reading my posts recently, you'd realize I've had plenty of negative thoughts the past couple of weeks. Positivity (I don't know if that's actually a word) can really help improve your own and others' lives. And you may now know it at the moment, but even a smile can make the difference in someone's day.
This experience just came to my mind. Last year, I was walking to one of my classes, and this random guy comes up to me just says hello and starts walking with me. He's very friendly, and wishes me a good day. I've always wanted to do that to someone else. Just walk up to a stranger and be able to wish them happiness. I think that's going on my bucket list. But, this experience stuck with me. I really did have a better day just because someone was kind enough to speak with me on the crowded college campus.
I'm tired of being negative. Sometimes it brings about interesting topics of conversation, but positive interaction is better for the body. I don't really know if you cared to hear me discuss positive and negative moods, but that's just too bad. Smile! And have a lovely day!
Now go pass along the message :)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
I Just Need to Rant
So much for my happy moods. Have you ever felt like life just kicks you when you're down? Well, that's basically been my day today. I was excited to start the day. Ready for my statistics and development classes. I was going to make it a good day, but everything just seemed to be going wrong. I couldn't concentrate on homework because my house was too noisy. I tried to relax a little by playing piano, and I guess that was good. I just have way too many thoughts on my mind, and I don't have any way to release them because if I did, people would probably question my sanity.
Oh, I also didn't get the car I've been trying to get for the past week. I went over, and a guy came in with cash and got it instead. So, that's disappointing.
One of my friends came to me with a difficult problem, and I tried to help comfort her, so we went to the temple. That was nice, peaceful, and helped me clear my head a little bit. It was funny; we somehow got on the topic of couples and marriage and whatnot (I guess it's because we were at the temple or something), and were sitting out front when this guy leads his blindfolded girlfriend over to the front and proposes to her! I felt way awkward, so we left and chose another place to sit. It was interesting.
Before I left for the temple, I had this crazy insane headache. It's back again. I couldn't read my textbooks, and was going to take a nap. That didn't work. I read instead, and got an even worse headache. This is what hours of class all day can do to you. So, I have a bunch to read tomorrow. Thank goodness labor day weekend is soon. I really need to catch up with everything (already...).
Why does life have to be so stressful and complicated?
I just realized this today, but I'm making decisions right now that are going to affect the rest of my life. It really took a toll on me and I just thought about it for a minute. What do I really want out of life? I can't postpone these decisions much longer, so when should I make them? Now? Tomorrow? I don't have all the details, so how can I make the best decision for me? Gah! Can to you tell I'm completely overwhelemed.
Hopefully tomorrow brings a better day. In my mood right now though, I highly doubt that tomorrow will be any good. Maybe I'm lacking sleep. I know I'm lacking socialization that I've been depending on for a long time. I really need to find something that makes me happy. I'm usually pretty good at this (or at least at faking it), but recently, not so much. I'm tired, don't feel good, and can't seem to open up. What next?
Goodness, I need some sleep. Very badly. Maybe it'll cure some of the stress in my mind. Blogger, thank you for letting me rant. It was a good chat.
Oh, I also didn't get the car I've been trying to get for the past week. I went over, and a guy came in with cash and got it instead. So, that's disappointing.
One of my friends came to me with a difficult problem, and I tried to help comfort her, so we went to the temple. That was nice, peaceful, and helped me clear my head a little bit. It was funny; we somehow got on the topic of couples and marriage and whatnot (I guess it's because we were at the temple or something), and were sitting out front when this guy leads his blindfolded girlfriend over to the front and proposes to her! I felt way awkward, so we left and chose another place to sit. It was interesting.
Before I left for the temple, I had this crazy insane headache. It's back again. I couldn't read my textbooks, and was going to take a nap. That didn't work. I read instead, and got an even worse headache. This is what hours of class all day can do to you. So, I have a bunch to read tomorrow. Thank goodness labor day weekend is soon. I really need to catch up with everything (already...).
Why does life have to be so stressful and complicated?
I just realized this today, but I'm making decisions right now that are going to affect the rest of my life. It really took a toll on me and I just thought about it for a minute. What do I really want out of life? I can't postpone these decisions much longer, so when should I make them? Now? Tomorrow? I don't have all the details, so how can I make the best decision for me? Gah! Can to you tell I'm completely overwhelemed.
Hopefully tomorrow brings a better day. In my mood right now though, I highly doubt that tomorrow will be any good. Maybe I'm lacking sleep. I know I'm lacking socialization that I've been depending on for a long time. I really need to find something that makes me happy. I'm usually pretty good at this (or at least at faking it), but recently, not so much. I'm tired, don't feel good, and can't seem to open up. What next?
Goodness, I need some sleep. Very badly. Maybe it'll cure some of the stress in my mind. Blogger, thank you for letting me rant. It was a good chat.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Useful Boring Knowledge
Car shopping is a pain. I really need to find one that I want soon. I'm hoping that this one guy doesn't buy a little saturn I want, but he put a down payment on it, so he most likely will. If not though, then it's mine! Muahahahaha!
I'm in a much better mood today. It has been quite tiresome for the most part, but I haven't had to go to class, and I barely had to study. Tomorrow though, that's a different story. New ward, here I come! I'm very excited to be going to the singles' ward, but I'm terrified too. I know all the girls and people in my ward so well; it will be quite a transition to switch. But, I'm looking forward to it, nonetheless.
School is getting better. I think I'm finally starting to figure out which classes I actually need to study for. Behavioral neuroscience is going to be a living hell, not exagerrating. It is probably the worst class to take for a person who does not memorize terms very well. Statistical methods isn't going to be as bad as I thought it would. I don't know why I'd struggle with the math course. I guess it's because everyone I talked to said it was so difficult. I hope to prove them wrong.
Social psych is my Favorite! I really am so excited for this class I have already read a few chapters and we only needed to read the first one so far. Haha, maybe I shouldn't focus on it too much, but I will most definitely be doing something in this field. I am almost positive about that.
My other two classes are only one night a week, so I'm not too worried about them. Adult development and aging will be pretty depressing, but stress management will be oh so helpful. We're actually going to learn different methods for relaxation and how to do them right! I'm so excited! I'll need to learn it for this semester, especially for memorizing all the parts of the brain and nervous system... wow. I'm overwhelmed with everything. This is why I didn't pursue a biology major.
Life is good though. I'm loving my institute class. THe foam dance last night was epically amazing! I loved it!!! I didn't realize that it was the wet soapy foam, so I wasn't quite dressed how I wish I would have to get all wet. Jeans and tennis shoes don't really do that great in water. But it was still pretty awesome!
I'm starting to make new friends in my classes. Hopefully I can make some good friends that will last through the next few years of college. I need a good study group too because I'm finding some of the topics very difficult to comprehend on my own.
I know that everyone just loves hearing about my school life. It's so interesting, no? Lol, honestly, I am quite a boring person. I don't even know why I keep this blog, but I am actually starting to write a lot more, so I guess that's good.
I'm hoping college gives me more of a social experience than high school did. Since I basically had no social life in high school, I don't think this is too much to ask for. If I hang out once a month I'll have more of a social life than I did in high school. Either way, I'm here to learn, and I don't think I will ever take this many hard classes all together again. My advice? Take 2 or 3 hard courses and 2 or 3 easy courses. Stay balanced, it's much easier.
I'm in a much better mood today. It has been quite tiresome for the most part, but I haven't had to go to class, and I barely had to study. Tomorrow though, that's a different story. New ward, here I come! I'm very excited to be going to the singles' ward, but I'm terrified too. I know all the girls and people in my ward so well; it will be quite a transition to switch. But, I'm looking forward to it, nonetheless.
School is getting better. I think I'm finally starting to figure out which classes I actually need to study for. Behavioral neuroscience is going to be a living hell, not exagerrating. It is probably the worst class to take for a person who does not memorize terms very well. Statistical methods isn't going to be as bad as I thought it would. I don't know why I'd struggle with the math course. I guess it's because everyone I talked to said it was so difficult. I hope to prove them wrong.
Social psych is my Favorite! I really am so excited for this class I have already read a few chapters and we only needed to read the first one so far. Haha, maybe I shouldn't focus on it too much, but I will most definitely be doing something in this field. I am almost positive about that.
My other two classes are only one night a week, so I'm not too worried about them. Adult development and aging will be pretty depressing, but stress management will be oh so helpful. We're actually going to learn different methods for relaxation and how to do them right! I'm so excited! I'll need to learn it for this semester, especially for memorizing all the parts of the brain and nervous system... wow. I'm overwhelmed with everything. This is why I didn't pursue a biology major.
Life is good though. I'm loving my institute class. THe foam dance last night was epically amazing! I loved it!!! I didn't realize that it was the wet soapy foam, so I wasn't quite dressed how I wish I would have to get all wet. Jeans and tennis shoes don't really do that great in water. But it was still pretty awesome!
I'm starting to make new friends in my classes. Hopefully I can make some good friends that will last through the next few years of college. I need a good study group too because I'm finding some of the topics very difficult to comprehend on my own.
I know that everyone just loves hearing about my school life. It's so interesting, no? Lol, honestly, I am quite a boring person. I don't even know why I keep this blog, but I am actually starting to write a lot more, so I guess that's good.
I'm hoping college gives me more of a social experience than high school did. Since I basically had no social life in high school, I don't think this is too much to ask for. If I hang out once a month I'll have more of a social life than I did in high school. Either way, I'm here to learn, and I don't think I will ever take this many hard classes all together again. My advice? Take 2 or 3 hard courses and 2 or 3 easy courses. Stay balanced, it's much easier.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Life Stresses and Disappointments
Life is stressful. Most people know this... I guess I just got the memo. I thought being independent (to an extent) and getting my own life would help me with dealing with the stresses of life. It definitely has. I've had lots of stressful times, and I know that nothing will ever compare to some of those. But now, I'm just stressed about life in general. I need to find a job, I need to start making money, I need to get a car, I need to go to school, I need to read my textbooks, I need to do well. Why can't I just do what I want to... I want to be happy. I don't want to be stressed out. Is that really too much to ask?
Why do I keep having these weird moods where I'm so down and depressing to talk to. I'm not me. I am, but I'm not. Make sense? Is this all just a part of growing up? I thought I'd be happy to be back in school. To be busy. To live my life. But, I'm not. I thought keeping close friends around all the time would help me. I have amazing friends and family and relatives. I don't know why I'm not happy. I don't have any reason to be disappointed with my life. Happiness is part choice, part circumstance. My circumstances are good, so maybe I just need to choose to be happy. I think I'll try that tomorrow. That should solve everything, hopefully.
Why do I keep having these weird moods where I'm so down and depressing to talk to. I'm not me. I am, but I'm not. Make sense? Is this all just a part of growing up? I thought I'd be happy to be back in school. To be busy. To live my life. But, I'm not. I thought keeping close friends around all the time would help me. I have amazing friends and family and relatives. I don't know why I'm not happy. I don't have any reason to be disappointed with my life. Happiness is part choice, part circumstance. My circumstances are good, so maybe I just need to choose to be happy. I think I'll try that tomorrow. That should solve everything, hopefully.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Lightning the Mood... or not.
Do you ever get in those moods where you're just pissed at life for no apparent reason? Well, I'm in that mood right now... And it's completely out of character for me. I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to think about anything, and I just want to be alone without a care in the world. Too bad life never turns out how we want it to...
But sometimes, it's just our attitude that needs the changing. I just got off here for a minute, then back on. I could hear the rain, the thunder, and everything was so peaceful. I felt safe and warm in my cozy little bed. It's amazing what a few minutes can do to your mood. Just taking a second to step back and look at yourself. I have trouble doing that sometimes, but when I do, I usually learn a lot about myself.
Is it a lie to not tell the complete truth? I never have quite been able to figure that out. I don't like to lie, for the most part (though I'm quite talented at it - far too much practice that I'm not really proud of). But recently, I have been trying to be more honest and open, though I don't know if it's safe to share so many secrets and insights with other people. I'm tired of being lonely and isolated. I need that interaction with others. I don't mind being alone most of the time, but I'm ready to get back to school and socialize. Not just socialize, but actually meet new people. I need to get my mind busy on other things: homework and friends would be nice.
Normally, I like to be optimistic about life. I like to think that there's happiness around every corner; that things will work out for the best. I'm not so sure about that now. Realism is starting to set in. When you make stupid mistakes, you get stupid consequences. Learning this firsthand is difficult... but enlightening at the same time. I don't think that bad is everywhere. But, I don't know if good will be lurking around every turn in the road of life. As I think about this, I start to realize it's all attitude. When we have a bad attitude, bad things seem even worse than usual. But with a positive attitude, bad things are less likely to be so terrible. Just my thoughts.
Anyways, I think this will be the end. I'm still not in a great mood, and I don't know why... Maybe sleep will help.
But sometimes, it's just our attitude that needs the changing. I just got off here for a minute, then back on. I could hear the rain, the thunder, and everything was so peaceful. I felt safe and warm in my cozy little bed. It's amazing what a few minutes can do to your mood. Just taking a second to step back and look at yourself. I have trouble doing that sometimes, but when I do, I usually learn a lot about myself.
Is it a lie to not tell the complete truth? I never have quite been able to figure that out. I don't like to lie, for the most part (though I'm quite talented at it - far too much practice that I'm not really proud of). But recently, I have been trying to be more honest and open, though I don't know if it's safe to share so many secrets and insights with other people. I'm tired of being lonely and isolated. I need that interaction with others. I don't mind being alone most of the time, but I'm ready to get back to school and socialize. Not just socialize, but actually meet new people. I need to get my mind busy on other things: homework and friends would be nice.
Normally, I like to be optimistic about life. I like to think that there's happiness around every corner; that things will work out for the best. I'm not so sure about that now. Realism is starting to set in. When you make stupid mistakes, you get stupid consequences. Learning this firsthand is difficult... but enlightening at the same time. I don't think that bad is everywhere. But, I don't know if good will be lurking around every turn in the road of life. As I think about this, I start to realize it's all attitude. When we have a bad attitude, bad things seem even worse than usual. But with a positive attitude, bad things are less likely to be so terrible. Just my thoughts.
Anyways, I think this will be the end. I'm still not in a great mood, and I don't know why... Maybe sleep will help.
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