Pointless Post

I have a new love: New Age music, preferrably piano classics. I've been listening to them all afternoon, and they are considerably lightening my spirits. I always knew that I loved playing piano classics, but I never thought I'd love listening to them this much. I would love to get all of this sheet music someday. Hopefully I'll learn some new songs soon. Honesty by New Age Piano Masters is one of my favorites right now.

Well, my life is pretty uneventful. This blog has no point, basically. I should actually be studying for a couple of tests that I have before fall break, but I decided I will study tomorrow instead. I've done enough homework today, and it's late so I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyways.

Life's full of ups and downs I have realized. One moment may seem like nothing will work, and the next, life is full of bliss and joy. Let's see... that explains my life perfectly. I think most other teenage girls will agree with me on this. Maybe even the whole population. I dunno. I can't speak for anyone besides myself. I prefer not to make rash judgments... but somehow, I end up making them all of the time. Let this not be one of those times.

This has been a pointless post. I hope you enjoy reading about nothing... in fact, I'll actually be shocked if anyone reads this. For the record, I have enjoyed writing it. And, that's all.

Life... A Rollercoaster?

Yay, I love emotional rollercoasters... not. Actually, I love rollercoaster, something I found out just this summer, but not when they take my emotions for a joy ride. Heh. I love the top of the rollercoaster, but when it starts to swoop down and go in circles, I hold on for dear life, not daring to move for fear that moving could cause me to fall off. That's what happens to my emotions. I get to a point where I am at the very top, then all of a sudden, BAM! There they take off... But, by this point, I'm already trapped and can't jump off. I have to wait for them to go through the course. There are plenty of high points, but also plenty of low ones as well, and some, I don't even know what they are, but they come back time and time again.

Can I just say that headaches during class are the worst... I hate getting headaches in general, but in class, I can't concentrate. Especially when the I'm dead tired, and all the teacher is doing is showing video clips. I almost fell asleep in class.

Ah! Excitement! I love unexpected surprised, especially when they are good surprises. I love my friends; they're so wonderful. And they cheer me up so much!

That is all.

Decisions of the Future

Funny experience just barely. So, I went to go type www.blogspot.com in the bar at the top of the page, but I accidentally type www.blotspot.com, and there's actually a website called that! I have no idea what's on that website, nor did I stay to look at it, but I thought it was interesting.

To my real point of writing this post. Well, actually, I have no point at the moment. I'm just tired of homework and school. I get to write a research paper! Most people wouldn't be excited for this, but I just picked my topic, and I think it will be very interesting. Ten pages about widowhood and dating. I'm stoked!

Now, change of subject... I wish things were easy. That it wasn't so difficult to make these decisions. I want everything in my life to turn out right, but I don't know how I can make that happen. I'm... not sure if I'm even on the right path. But, I must be because I'm here right now. I don't know nor do I want to think about it too much at the moment. I have more pressing matters weighing on my mind.

I really miss how my life was. I had such great friends (I still do, but half of them are gone), I was always excited for school, there was not reason for me to worry about the future because I knew that I didn't need to for a few more years. Well, the years have come and gone. In all honesty, I'm terrified. I have never been comfortable with the unknown, and now, that's all I seem to be dealing with. It comes up in my dreams, I think about the future all the time, and as hard as I try to live in the present, the past and future keep coming to mind. One of my favorite quotes, "Remember the past, live in the present, & fear not the future for it never exists and never shall. There is only now." I wish I could actually believe that. I wish that all my worries would just go away, or that I could find a better way to deal with them. I wish I wasn't so insecure...

Why do emotions ruin my senses? I think I know everything I want, but then my emotions toy with my realistic thinking. I don't know how much longer I can stand it. But, I know some way or another, I'll get through everything. I just hope it's sooner than later.

Eh, I'm sorry if this made absolutely no sense to you. Make assumptions if you wish, but I'm not going into more detail. Vaguity... no, this is not a word, but it describes my writing of this night. That is all.

Truth and Reality

Sometimes poems can convey more emotion and meaning than just words. This is probably going to be practically impossible to understand, but I really just wrote this one for me.

Stars sparkle in your eyes
As I stare in the depths of space.
So deep and caring,
Yet a mystery to mine soul.

Please open your heart to me
Oh the reassurance you could
Give my thoughts -
Don't keep me waiting.

Through the distance
I can see the truth.
And I wish it were not,
But how can it not be?

Is this just my mind
Playing tricks
Or am I searching for
A love long gone?

It feels so real...
But how do I know
The difference between
Truth and Reality?

Organizing Everything

My biggest pet peeves:
Not knowing vital information about people, places, or things in which I am interested.
People not shutting the door behind them when they leave or enter a room.
Others keeping secrets from me.
Little things that I notice are out of place, like a pen or pencil on my dresser instead of desk.

I'm sure you just loved hearing those little things I think are a nuisance. Yeah, they frustrate me quite easily. I've noticed I get frustrated very easily... maybe I should relax a little bit. Heh, as if that'll happen.

I feel like a different person today. I know I'm still me, but my thoughts are weird and I keep having this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something's wrong. Maybe I just need some sleep or learn how to better manage my stresses in life.

For those who do not know me well, I am usually not a hopeless romantic. I wish I was moreso in a way, but emotions tend to get put behind reality in my mind. So, when I have emotions come through, they are usually quite strong.

Something's changing in me. I don't know what it is, but I suddenly have this need to want something more. I want to be helped. I need the understanding and commitment that I've never wanted before. It's strange for me to open up like this, especially where everyone can see it if they want to. But, I need close friendship. I really need to connect with someone in a way that I never have before. I wanna love somebody! (Wow... I never quote songs or movies either, yet, there's proof right before your eyes!)

So, to conclude, I am a difficult person with strange annoyances. Yes, I know this is not an essay and I can end whenever I choose without a conclusion, but I felt the need to include one in here. Emotions sometimes seem like a foreign language to me. I need help interpreting them but once I've got it, hopefully I can survive in that world. Romance and opening up are difficult for me to do, so, this truly is quite the post for me. On top of that, I actually quoted something. Here's another quote. Yeah, I think that's it.

My Mind the Night Before School...

Life is full of simple pleasures. No need to explain, it just it.

I have never noticed how bored I can get within a few hours. Tonight, the YSA wards were reestablished and I went to the fireside to see who my new ward would be. It was so dang long... I thought I was going to die from boredom. The speakers were mostly good, but the last one talked for an entire hour! And he repeated himself time and time again. I was quite frustrated by the end.

I just want to say I love flowers. I don't necessarily have a favorite flower, but I love how they look, how some of them smell, what they symbolize. They're so beautiful and very... simple. I have realized I love simplicity. It's much better than drama, stress, and problems. So, I'm trying to make my life simpler. Less distractions. Close friends. Better communication. Simple.

Rollercoasters are a ton of fun, unless they are messing with your emotions. I just wish that my emotions would stop going up and down, spin around, twist, turn, loopty-loop. Hopefully with more things to do I'll have something to keep my mind occupied all the time. Yay school... I'm excited, but not ready to go back. I just hope my classes aren't too difficult.

The End.