Seeing the Light in a Cold & Dreary World

I can think of a million things I should be doing right now. Test tomorrow to study for, reading my textbook, folding my clothes, practicing my guitar... well, maybe not a million things, but at least 4 things I should do but choose to not do. The reason I am not: I don't feel like it. If I've learned anything recently, it's that if you don't feel like doing something, then don't do it. Why should I submit myself to meaningless things that will barely affect the rest of my life? I can get an A or a B in my classes, and the only people who really care are myself and whichever school I apply to for grad school. That's it! So why do I obsess over learning so much?

Actually, I really enjoy learning. Just not really up to studying right now. I want to do something; be active; go to movies; take pictures with friends; go dancing; have fun while I'm still young enough not to care. But I do care. I care what impression I make on others, which is good in a way, but can be a real pain sometimes. I can barely start a conversation with someone anymore... unless I know them well, but that's different.

I got on here mostly to say that today has been very unproductive for me. I stayed at home all day, thanks to this lovely cold that seems to be going around. The most I accomplished was watching a lot of tv and becoming bored out of my mind. Dang, I am so sick of being sick! I had awesome plans for tonight. I was going to study for my abnormal psych test (which I still don't really like), then I was going to make dinenr, then me and some friends were going to go country dancing, but it will have to wait until some other time, sadly.

Hmmph... life is... unpredictable. I think that is the best word choice I can think of right now. I never know what to expect, and even when I think I have things figured out, something happens that makes me question my expectations. Then I get frustrated because I realize I don't have as much control over the situations in my life as I had once thought. It's not that bad though. Actually, it's more... eye-opening. I get to see reality for once instead of living in my comfort zone all the time. Perhaps this is meant to prepare me for other situations that will be encountered in my lifetime. Who knows...

Life does not suck. We all will die someday. But, even though being torn down and kicked to the curb can be tiresome and feel like the end of the world is coming, it really isn't. I can't wait until one day when I look back at my life and realize that the things I thought were so big were actually simple tests that I either passed or failed. And no matter what, I can choose to learn with every trial that I face. If you have read this far, I hope you will feel the same way too. No matter how bad life can become, there is always something to look forward to, always someone to love, and always a new day to be lived.

This just reminded me of a quote by Mother Teresa (whom I greatly admire). It says: If you judge people, you have no time to love them. I don't know why this thought came to me, but I think we can, not only apply this to others, but to ourselves as well. If we judge ourselves, if we don't realize that mistakes can really just be mistakes; if we judge so much that we can't forgive ourselves or others for what they have done... then we truly can't come to love them. Acceptance is the key to happiness. Accept yourself, then accept others. Learn to love, trust, and give.

Writing this blog just put me in a much better mood. I sincerely hope that you can feel happier if you finished this because it's probably the only blog post I've written in a long time that's even close to worth reading. In my Yoga class, we normally end with a short mantra that goes like this:
"May the long time sun shine upon you
All love surround you
And the pure light within you
Guide your way on."

Wonderfully Busy Life and All that it Entails

So, I haven't written in a long time. Life is so busy! Gah, it's ridiculous! But I don't want to talk about my busy life... I want to explain it in detail, but I won't put anyone through that type of torture, so here's the shortened version instead. Enjoy!

I don't know what's been going on with my mind, but I feel so much calmer and more at peace in my life than I've felt in a long time. Honestly, I don't know what to attribute these feelings to. I thought it might be church, but I don't think it is. Maybe it's because I'm back on a schedule; I know what is expected of me and how I can accomplish it. Or, it could be this new yoga class I am taking.

My yoga class is pretty awesome - it's called Kundalini Yoga. Last week, we did meditation, a few basic exercises, and learned about the first chakkra. It's not like normal yoga; I would actually term it a self-compassion, -knowledge, -understanding type class since the whole goal is to align and come to peace with our emotions, minds, and bodies. I am fascinated with it and absolutely love the class. I thnk I talk about it as much as I do psychology, lol, which is quite something.

So I've been practicing the techniques and different "poses" at home, and I think it's really starting to change my understanding of myself. It's wonderfully crazy! I just want to share my excitement and joy with everyone I meet; they should all learn how to totally and completely relax without any thought.

I am also taking a beginning guitar class this semester. I don't know why I waited so long to take fun classes... they are the best! Anyhow, my guitar teacher is pretty awesome and I'm trying to learn the different notes and chords right now. You know how they say learning a new language helps you with your first language? Well, I'm hoping that the same principle applies to instruments. I've hit a road block in my music. So, I went out and bought some new piano books (one is the Keith Urban Defying Gravity CD for piano!) and am hoping those will help along with learning the guitar.

In other news, I was called to be class rep for my institute class, which I am still nervous/excited about. I get terrified in front of people and I forget what I want to say, so hopefully, I will be able to get over that sooner or later. Preferrably sooner rather than later... I already have enough anxiety and don't need any more to add to the stack. But I also hope that I'll be able to be a good class rep; I want to get to know everyone, which is a huge struggle for me, and I want to really grow and learn from this experience to help me become a better me. (cheesy, I know, but it's true).

Last thing I really want to address is my research project idea. I am fascinated in self-compassion. I want to know what it is, how it affects people, and how it relates to other areas of life. So, my research project is either going to be one of two things: first, it might be how self-compassion affects aggression levels (which would be a way fun study, and later could be used practically). Second, it might be how self-compassion affects self-control/self-regulation (this one could be a bit more practical later down the road, if my prediction is supported by the data). I'm really excited for this project, though I'm not sure if I will enjoy reading as many articles as I've already gathered, lol. It will definitely be a lot of work. But, if I carry it out over the summer or next fall, it will be awesome!

Oh, I actually lied. That wasn't the last thing I wanted to address. I have one more, and that is my possible summer internship. I finally got my personal statement written and submitted. Now, all I need is my college transcript and 2 teacher recommendations. I'm sad though, because I want my neuroscience professor to do one of the recommendations, and my cognitive psych teacher to do the other one, but they're married! So, I think maybe I'll get my social psych teacher to write one instead. Hopefully, I will be posting that I get the internship soon.... unless I don't, which I guess would be okay 'cause then I could do my research project over the summer instead. But I'm hoping everything works out!

Now, that really was the last topic. I shall be drifting off to sleep soon, so... until next time.

A Christmas Message, More or Less

Wow... goodness, it's been a long time since I last posted. Let's see... a lot has happened in my life. Some really good things, some really bad things, but I think I'm going to focus on the positive.

School is almost done! I can't wait until December 17th. Then, I will finally be done with finals, done with papers, done with classes, and done with this semester! Not that I haven't enjoyed my classes; I have. I just wish I could focus on some classes in much more depth than others. But when time is so scarce, I don't have the time to pursue exactly what I want to pursue.

Enough about school... I am stoked for Christmas this year! I finally have money and can buy good presents for my family. I'm also really excited to start singing Christmas songs and making candies. The Christmas season itself is so much better than Christmas morning. Most people find this odd, but my favorite holiday isn't Christmas, it's Christmas Eve (I know it's not technically a holiday, but oh well). That's the day that I get to spend with my family completely; we have a huge dinner, talk, sit around and sing songs, open special presents, and enjoy one another's company. That's what Christmas should be about: family, love, the "spirit of Christmas."

My mom was reading in a magazine the other day about a tradition this lady started with her children. Every year, her and her kids would decide on 24 good deeds that they could perform throughout the month of December, leading up to Christmas. Each day, they would randomly pick a deed, and once they finished this deed, they would put it in their jar. These deeds were simple things like holding the door open for someone or picking up a piece of trash. On Christmas Eve, the mom would put all of the jars under the Christmas tree so Santa could see all of the good things the children had done throughout the month. I love this idea. Wouldn't life be a much better place if we could do a good deed for someone every day? Not just in the month of December, but all year 'round.

This story really changed how I've been looking at each day ahead of me. If I look forward to the day with a bright smile and lots of energy, I have a much better day, I'm less stressed, and I feel good about myself. Soemtimes I wish I could share my happiness and joy with others, and what better time to do this than Christmas?

Service really is the best way to happiness. Choosing to follow Christ's footsteps every single day, making the conscience decision that you will follow Him is possible, plausible, and protective in nature. I am so blessed to have a knowledge of the truth of the gospel in my life. It has changed everything about me; about how I look at events; about how I look at others. It's rather quite simple. Just start choosing to be happy, and the rest will fall into place. Life really is wonderful, we just have to consciously choose to make the best of each and every day.

The sure way to peace and happiness in this life and life hereafter is to serve the Lord today and everyday. Choose this day whom ye will serve. God will take care of the rest.

And if I don't post on here again until after Christmas, Merry Christmas! Keep the true meaning in your hearts and don't let the commercialized version get to your heads. :)

Smile! Today's a New Day :)

I have a new favorite place on campus. It's the student service center. They always have music playing, but it's low enough that it doesn't bother me when I study. I can come in here, pull out my laptop and chill while I'm waiting for class to start. It's very nice. That's where I am right now. Sitting at a table, should be reading for my next class, but instead, I felt like blogging.

I heard the best quote today. It said, "Although you may not have the best of everything, you can make the best of everything you have." Just thinking about that made me realize how lucky I am to be going to school, to have such a great family, and such wonderful friends. I am deciding right now to make the rest of this semester great. I'm going to try to be more friendly, positive, and give more compliments. We had an activity in my stress management class last night where half the class went around and wished everyone else "health and happiness." It brightened my mood considerably, and I would recommend it to anyone who has been feeling down. So reader, I wish you health and happiness. Now, go pass that message along to someone else who you either know or run into at random. It will brighten both your and their day.

Positive thought has been on my mind recently. I think that with enough positive thought, you really can get through difficult situations in life. I know I've been through plenty of them, and the best cure is thinking positively. It's easy to let reality catch up to you. Easy to get down. If you've been reading my posts recently, you'd realize I've had plenty of negative thoughts the past couple of weeks. Positivity (I don't know if that's actually a word) can really help improve your own and others' lives. And you may now know it at the moment, but even a smile can make the difference in someone's day.

This experience just came to my mind. Last year, I was walking to one of my classes, and this random guy comes up to me just says hello and starts walking with me. He's very friendly, and wishes me a good day. I've always wanted to do that to someone else. Just walk up to a stranger and be able to wish them happiness. I think that's going on my bucket list. But, this experience stuck with me. I really did have a better day just because someone was kind enough to speak with me on the crowded college campus.

I'm tired of being negative. Sometimes it brings about interesting topics of conversation, but positive interaction is better for the body. I don't really know if you cared to hear me discuss positive and negative moods, but that's just too bad. Smile! And have a lovely day!

Now go pass along the message :)

I Just Need to Rant

So much for my happy moods. Have you ever felt like life just kicks you when you're down? Well, that's basically been my day today. I was excited to start the day. Ready for my statistics and development classes. I was going to make it a good day, but everything just seemed to be going wrong. I couldn't concentrate on homework because my house was too noisy. I tried to relax a little by playing piano, and I guess that was good. I just have way too many thoughts on my mind, and I don't have any way to release them because if I did, people would probably question my sanity.

Oh, I also didn't get the car I've been trying to get for the past week. I went over, and a guy came in with cash and got it instead. So, that's disappointing.

One of my friends came to me with a difficult problem, and I tried to help comfort her, so we went to the temple. That was nice, peaceful, and helped me clear my head a little bit. It was funny; we somehow got on the topic of couples and marriage and whatnot (I guess it's because we were at the temple or something), and were sitting out front when this guy leads his blindfolded girlfriend over to the front and proposes to her! I felt way awkward, so we left and chose another place to sit. It was interesting.

Before I left for the temple, I had this crazy insane headache. It's back again. I couldn't read my textbooks, and was going to take a nap. That didn't work. I read instead, and got an even worse headache. This is what hours of class all day can do to you. So, I have a bunch to read tomorrow. Thank goodness labor day weekend is soon. I really need to catch up with everything (already...).

Why does life have to be so stressful and complicated?

I just realized this today, but I'm making decisions right now that are going to affect the rest of my life. It really took a toll on me and I just thought about it for a minute. What do I really want out of life? I can't postpone these decisions much longer, so when should I make them? Now? Tomorrow? I don't have all the details, so how can I make the best decision for me? Gah! Can to you tell I'm completely overwhelemed.

Hopefully tomorrow brings a better day. In my mood right now though, I highly doubt that tomorrow will be any good. Maybe I'm lacking sleep. I know I'm lacking socialization that I've been depending on for a long time. I really need to find something that makes me happy. I'm usually pretty good at this (or at least at faking it), but recently, not so much. I'm tired, don't feel good, and can't seem to open up. What next?

Goodness, I need some sleep. Very badly. Maybe it'll cure some of the stress in my mind. Blogger, thank you for letting me rant. It was a good chat.

A Change of Pace...

Today has been quite the day. My little cousin, Conlan, came over to swim and I found out he’s terrified of water. At first he wouldn’t even get off the steps, then he finally decided to get on the “boat.” Caitlyn and I were sharks and alligators, and he chased us and splashed us to turn us “nice.” It was a pretty fun game. I haven’t had that much fun in the pool for a couple of weeks.

But that’s not the reason I wanted to write this post. Last night, I went for a walk around the temple grounds - it was amazing. I haven’t felt that much peace and comfort in a long time, and I knew that, somehow, everything would work out. My life has been in a mess the past few months, even years. I didn't really know where I was going, what I was doing, and who I was. I lost myself. But last night, I felt an immense peace settle over me. I haven't felt that way in a long time, and it was such a great feeling. I have a lot of things I need to change, I know that. I need to find myself again. I need to be truly happy. I thought I was happy, but I forgot what true happiness felt like. I re-experienced that last night. For anyone who is reading this, the temple is the most amazing place in the world. There is no other way to gain happiness without God in your life.

Change of subject. I just found out that I cannot text and talk at the same time. It's impossible. For all of those people who can accomplish this great task, I applaud you. I notice that I can't listen to music and read at the same time either. I'm sure you were just dying to hear all of this about me. It must be some sort of mental thing. I can't multitask when I am using the same part of my brain for two different tasks; it's almost impossible!

This is a very random post for me. I usually know what I want to talk about, but I have so many things I want to say. Recently, I had a fortune cookie that said, "A long lost friend will soon return in your life," or something like that. My fortune came true! My friend, Sarah, is coming down here for college for the next couple years. I just found it funny (ironic maybe?) that a fortune cookie and my real life correspong (is that the right word?) with each other.

Random assortment of ideas, I know... But, read it you want, comment if you will, and keep yourself entertained, even if it is by reading my little blog post. Those are my words of advice.