One More Lie

One moment bliss
The next, despair
This train wreck called
Life stills the air

The hope once strong
Has left my soul
Starving for answers
In pain, I mull

Life gets better
That's our lie.
All alone in my room
I yell and cry

The need for peace
Is nigh, but grim.
A search for truth
lies within.

The lullaby of lies
Rocks a baby to sleep
Yet those lies to truth
One day we will reap

Perhaps there is more
Than can truly be seen
Life lives reason.
What will mine mean?

Lightning the Mood... or not.

Do you ever get in those moods where you're just pissed at life for no apparent reason? Well, I'm in that mood right now... And it's completely out of character for me. I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to think about anything, and I just want to be alone without a care in the world. Too bad life never turns out how we want it to...

But sometimes, it's just our attitude that needs the changing. I just got off here for a minute, then back on. I could hear the rain, the thunder, and everything was so peaceful. I felt safe and warm in my cozy little bed. It's amazing what a few minutes can do to your mood. Just taking a second to step back and look at yourself. I have trouble doing that sometimes, but when I do, I usually learn a lot about myself.

Is it a lie to not tell the complete truth? I never have quite been able to figure that out. I don't like to lie, for the most part (though I'm quite talented at it - far too much practice that I'm not really proud of). But recently, I have been trying to be more honest and open, though I don't know if it's safe to share so many secrets and insights with other people. I'm tired of being lonely and isolated. I need that interaction with others. I don't mind being alone most of the time, but I'm ready to get back to school and socialize. Not just socialize, but actually meet new people. I need to get my mind busy on other things: homework and friends would be nice.

Normally, I like to be optimistic about life. I like to think that there's happiness around every corner; that things will work out for the best. I'm not so sure about that now. Realism is starting to set in. When you make stupid mistakes, you get stupid consequences. Learning this firsthand is difficult... but enlightening at the same time. I don't think that bad is everywhere. But, I don't know if good will be lurking around every turn in the road of life. As I think about this, I start to realize it's all attitude. When we have a bad attitude, bad things seem even worse than usual. But with a positive attitude, bad things are less likely to be so terrible. Just my thoughts.

Anyways, I think this will be the end. I'm still not in a great mood, and I don't know why... Maybe sleep will help.