Hot Tubbing, Life, Reality

Tonight, me and some friends had a hot tub party. I think it's now a tradition because I've had a hot tub party every year for the past 3 years on homecoming night. Which is strange since I don't to to PV anymore, but still. It was originally planned because one of my friends wanted to go to homecoming but her date backed out; well, she got asked by someone else. I was set on having friends over though, and hot tubbing sounded like a good idea, so I went with it.

Nothing exciting happened. It was pretty normal - just chatting and laughing. More or less a night wasted. I could have been reading my textbooks. Dang. I guess I'll just have to catch up on my reading tomorrow.

I feel as if I'm going nowhere. As if nothing is going to happen for me, even though I try to make my life meaningful and productive. I guess I missed out on the whole social side of high school, and therefore, I didn't learn how to socialize very well. It's starting to catch up to me now. I can casually talk with a lot of different people; I just don't care for small talk. It bores me. When I chat with others, I like my conversations to be meaningful and thoughtful. Maybe that's why I am so bad at making new friends. Acquaintances, I have plenty of those, but real friends - those are much more difficult to find. And personally, I don't want to exert my energy trying to become friends with someone just to see the friendship end in failure.

Looking at different things realistically is not a pleasant outlook all the time. I wish I was more of an optimist than a realist. At least I don't always look at the pessimistic side of everything.

Life is boring. It's the same thing day in and day out. I need some excitement; something to change things up a little bit. Something out of the ordinary. New. Adventurous. Thrilling.

I want to be a true rebel. For all Dixie students, you probably know what this means. For others, you might too. No more elaboration from me though. I must get to bed because I'm going to a farewell in the morning. It is for Casey and I'll be sad to see him leave. But, he's going to be a really good missionary - hopefully. I'm just tired of everyone leaving.