Lightning the Mood... or not.

Do you ever get in those moods where you're just pissed at life for no apparent reason? Well, I'm in that mood right now... And it's completely out of character for me. I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to think about anything, and I just want to be alone without a care in the world. Too bad life never turns out how we want it to...

But sometimes, it's just our attitude that needs the changing. I just got off here for a minute, then back on. I could hear the rain, the thunder, and everything was so peaceful. I felt safe and warm in my cozy little bed. It's amazing what a few minutes can do to your mood. Just taking a second to step back and look at yourself. I have trouble doing that sometimes, but when I do, I usually learn a lot about myself.

Is it a lie to not tell the complete truth? I never have quite been able to figure that out. I don't like to lie, for the most part (though I'm quite talented at it - far too much practice that I'm not really proud of). But recently, I have been trying to be more honest and open, though I don't know if it's safe to share so many secrets and insights with other people. I'm tired of being lonely and isolated. I need that interaction with others. I don't mind being alone most of the time, but I'm ready to get back to school and socialize. Not just socialize, but actually meet new people. I need to get my mind busy on other things: homework and friends would be nice.

Normally, I like to be optimistic about life. I like to think that there's happiness around every corner; that things will work out for the best. I'm not so sure about that now. Realism is starting to set in. When you make stupid mistakes, you get stupid consequences. Learning this firsthand is difficult... but enlightening at the same time. I don't think that bad is everywhere. But, I don't know if good will be lurking around every turn in the road of life. As I think about this, I start to realize it's all attitude. When we have a bad attitude, bad things seem even worse than usual. But with a positive attitude, bad things are less likely to be so terrible. Just my thoughts.

Anyways, I think this will be the end. I'm still not in a great mood, and I don't know why... Maybe sleep will help.

My Boggled Thoughts

I have come to the conclusion: I hate zucchini. Today, my mom wanted me to shred all of the giant zucchini that we’ve picked, and I remember why I did not enjoy doing it last year. It has something in it that sticks to hands. I have green coating all over my fingers now, and it feels like super glue. No bueno.

I believe I have found the most amazing and encouraging song. It’s called One Day You Will by Lady Antebellum. I’ve listened to it over and over, and I must admit, it is amazing! You should go look it up if you want. The lyrics are so uplifting, and the music is beautiful. I love it at least, and you should too.

Let’s see… I forgot today was stake conference, so I got ready for church (I must admit, I looked cute too), and then found out that I didn’t even need to get ready for the day. This was quite disappointing news for me. I was really looking forward to learning something new today.

Oh! I straightened my hair! This is a huge deal for me because it means that I am really considering changing something about myself. Caitlyn wants me to cut bangs, but I'm not so sure about that. I’ve noticed that I’ve been doing quite a lot of changing recently. My room, my hair, my schedule. Now, it’s time to change me. I’ve been contemplating this, and I think I’m ready to change.

Obviously the weather has the same idea as me. It has been rainy, stormy, and wonderful. I love the rain. The sound of it in the middle of the night, hearing the thunder rumble in the background, and smelling the sweetness of the rain. There is no better feeling than sitting in bed late at night enjoying a thunderstorm.

So, I think I’m going to start writing more. I miss writing, and I’m starting to get weak with my writing abilities. I used to be able to write pages about nothing whatsoever and I can’t do that anymore. I must relearn that before school starts again.

Oh yes, school. I’ve been contemplating what I think about going back. I’m not sure if I’m excited, terrified, nervous, upset. I do know that I need something to occupy my time, but I’m not sure that school is what I want to occupy it. I am excited for a few classes, one being social psychology, but behavioral neuroscience sounds like torture. I’ll deal I guess.

I think I’ve run out of ideas to write about. Next post though, I want to put a few poems on here. Now, I just have to write them.