Expression of True Self

So, I think Nick Pitera is amazing... every time I hear his voice, I become speechless. He's just... so good!

Lovely side note, yes? Now to the real point of this post... there isn't one. I have tried and tried to figure out what I should write here, but I have realized I don't have a very exciting life. I love it, but it's not exciting.

So, for today, it's just another update, about me. Because I like me... and I like to talk about me... and it's a subject I'm quite well-informed about, or at least I'd like to believe that I am. Usually I talk about what has happened, then build up to today, but tonight, I feel like going backwards, so you'll hear about today, then badk to probably Wednesday. Here goes.

Today, I went to an institute end-of-year social with Ashlee. I don't think I've quite caught on to how these socials are supposed to work because every time I go, I end up as far from people as possible, observing with one or two other friends, and not communicating with people I don't know. I feel anxious when I talk to people I don't know well, so I guess I should probably get used to feeling anxiety, ya? At least, that's the conclusion I've come to as of late.

We also played Just Dance II and Scene It. I must say, Just Dance is awesome and I love it. Scene It is pretty cool too, for the most part. There were some scenes that were "ify" and some that were hilariously inappropriate, especially with kids in the room. Yeah, I need to clean up my mind a bit because the scene was really bad and shouldn't have been funny.

Recently, I've noticed a gap starting to form between me and a friend of mine... They're changing, quite a bit. Or maybe I'm just changing. Either way, our friendship feels different now than it ever has before. I guess it's good because we're both growing up, maturing, having new experiences, but it's still difficult to get used to. I'm happy for them, no doubt, and I believe they know they can come to me if they need anything and I'll try to be there (I'm not very good at this, but working on it). Sometimes I wish things were back to how they were when I was a kid, never having to worry about anything except when I had to be home for dinner or what game I'd play that afternoon with Cory and Ashley or learning how to read a book. Those were good days, and I miss them now.

Life goes on though. Life is always going on, we're always living in one moment after another. This brings me to one huge thing I want to talk about. Some might laugh, some might think I'm crazy, but yoga has changed my life. No joke. On Wednesday this past week, I had my second to last class. WE did a "self-awakening" type of set for class. First, we all had to lay our mats in a circle around the room instead of in rows. We all stood in a circle around the room and our teacher told us first we would be shaking for ten minutes.

I had no idea what shaking every part of your body could do. It is relaxing beyond belief, it clears the mind, and it allows one to express themselves. It allows them to show who they are, how their energy travels through their body, how they can relieve the tension that has built up. It was really cool to experience that.

Next, we danced. And I loved dancing (throughout the whole set, everyone's eyes were closed) without having to worry about what anyone else saw except my teacher. At first, it was difficult to just let the inside take control and not think about it, but after a while, I was able to let down my guard and really go for everything. I didn't hesitate to move and I felt sooooo good! It's rejuvenating to not think and just act for once, but act in a way that's healthy, safe, and healing.

Third, we meditated with music while sitting cross-legged. We do this often, but this time, we were supposed to not think of anything, and if thoughts came to our mind, we just gave them a hug and let them walk away. Not thinking is sometimes the only way to solve problems. I found that out a few weeks ago, and now I truly see the power that meditation can have on oneself.

Finally, we laid down and meditated while on our backs without any sort of noise. I felt peaceful, though it was harder to not think during this meditation than the previous one. Things are so much clearer, and even the things that aren't clear feel like, somehow, they will become clear.

I know a lot of people say that religion can do this, but I have never felt at peace studying, praying, attending church as much as I did that night. I have never felt more real and like myself than I did the other night. I felt child-like again and was able to live in that moment without worrying what the future would bring or what the past has brought. My failures, faults, flaws were all "erased" that night, and I think I found what I've been looking for for the longest time. I found me. I haven't been me for years and I saw the person that I really am without putting on my self-defense front.

The experience was like no other and I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to take the class and that God guided my hand when I made the choices that brought me to this point.

So the take-home message here is take Kundalini Yoga! Actually, that's not really the message, but it's a great class and very relaxing. That's all I have for tonight, so until next time!

Random Update of Life

Honestly, I don't even know why I still keep this blog... I'm almost positive no one reads it and I hardly ever write anymore. Anyways, here's what's been going on in my life.

For the past couple weeks, I've been swamped in homework. Yep, who would've ever thought that taking an easy semester would result in so much work? I sure didn't. Yoga and guitar are my favorite classes right now because I don't have any more homework, well, other than pracicing, but I enjoy playing and relaxing, so it's no biggie. After spring break it seems all of my teachers realized the semester was coming to a close and we have to finish the rest of the material. Let's just say this = a stressful life for me.

Also, I've been trying to read the articles my teacher gave me for our independent research lab thing. All 8 of them are really cool topics, but most of them are 20-30 pages and with finals creeping up, I'm trying to find a good balance between reading them and my textbooks/notes. So far, it's not working so well and I'm psyching myself out more than I ought to.

Grades don't even matter to me anymore (at least not right now). I proved I can get my 4.0 and now I just want to get through the psych program while learning as much as I need to know for grad school. Taking the GRE will be a fun experience next fall, eh? I'll enjoy spending my summer studying for that, looking for places to apply, and trying to figure out where I want to go from here. If you didn't sense the sarcasm there, you really don't know me.

Enough about school, that's all I ever seem to talk about anymore. What about you? Are you reading this blog, did you get this far, what's happening in your life? I'd love to know what's going on... I seem to have broken away from most socialization other than a few close friends, and only talking with a few people, as much as you love them, gets tedious. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and everything, it's just I sometimes feel as though I could be more social and really want to make new friends, which I'm not very good at doing.

So, I actually read a few books recently. I know, I'm shocked as well. I haven't read for fun since last summer and I forgot how much I love it! Two series (both recommended by my 14 year old sister): The Hunger Games, & the Percy Jackson and the Olympian Series. I must say that The Hunger Games books were amazing! I thoroughly enjoyed reading them and was disappointed when the series ended, though I thought the author ended them amazingly! The problems that they faced in the books were far worse than what I've ever faced and it was nice to realize how much I have to be grateful for in life. The Percy Jackson series wasn't quite as good, but it was still well worth my time. It got me through some stressful times and was fun to read.

Topic jump again? I think yes. So, in my family's backyard, we have this pond in our garden. The other day, I walked outside and heard some croaking... like a frog. And guess what?! We have frogs in our pond! There are lots of tiny tadpoles too. Problem with this? We might also have frogs in our pool... I just hope they don't reproduce too fast. I love frogs, but not hundreds of them. But I thought it was pretty cool anyways.

So, I believe that will be it for tonight. If you can think of anything I forgot to mention, just comment it... or call me, or text me, or not..... yeah. That's all.

Until next time.