Hot Tubbing, Life, Reality

Tonight, me and some friends had a hot tub party. I think it's now a tradition because I've had a hot tub party every year for the past 3 years on homecoming night. Which is strange since I don't to to PV anymore, but still. It was originally planned because one of my friends wanted to go to homecoming but her date backed out; well, she got asked by someone else. I was set on having friends over though, and hot tubbing sounded like a good idea, so I went with it.

Nothing exciting happened. It was pretty normal - just chatting and laughing. More or less a night wasted. I could have been reading my textbooks. Dang. I guess I'll just have to catch up on my reading tomorrow.

I feel as if I'm going nowhere. As if nothing is going to happen for me, even though I try to make my life meaningful and productive. I guess I missed out on the whole social side of high school, and therefore, I didn't learn how to socialize very well. It's starting to catch up to me now. I can casually talk with a lot of different people; I just don't care for small talk. It bores me. When I chat with others, I like my conversations to be meaningful and thoughtful. Maybe that's why I am so bad at making new friends. Acquaintances, I have plenty of those, but real friends - those are much more difficult to find. And personally, I don't want to exert my energy trying to become friends with someone just to see the friendship end in failure.

Looking at different things realistically is not a pleasant outlook all the time. I wish I was more of an optimist than a realist. At least I don't always look at the pessimistic side of everything.

Life is boring. It's the same thing day in and day out. I need some excitement; something to change things up a little bit. Something out of the ordinary. New. Adventurous. Thrilling.

I want to be a true rebel. For all Dixie students, you probably know what this means. For others, you might too. No more elaboration from me though. I must get to bed because I'm going to a farewell in the morning. It is for Casey and I'll be sad to see him leave. But, he's going to be a really good missionary - hopefully. I'm just tired of everyone leaving.

Content, Green, Hugs

I'm content. Life isn't great, but it's not really that bad either. Something I've been realizing lately is that everything doesn't have to end up perfectly. I can get through difficult situations because I know I can handle anything life throws at me.

I must say that my friends are amazing. Tonight, Nicki brought me cookies for no apparent reason, just because. I love my friends! Without friends and family, I don't know how I'd survive this life.

Life is good. I am finally getting into the groove with my classes. Some textbooks are extremely hard for me to read, but I deal. I finished my 2 papers today. Still need a second opinion on them, but I'll get that tomorrow. So, I've realized I love social interaction. I thrive on my weekends of talking and hanging out with friends. I look forward to chatting and texting and blogging. Maybe it's just that I need to restate my feelings out loud (or through typing) to actually know what I'm going through.

In case you haven't noticed, I've been writing a lot lately. I think I'm going to write a song soon. A country song, of course. About life and love and the lack of... haha. I need the lyrics, then the music. Hmmm... this might get interesting.

Anyways, did you know my favorite color is green? Well, it is. My room is also green and gorgeous. I wish I could just be outside all the time. Thankfully my curtains let in the light in the morning and afternoon. At night though, it's kinda creepy because if I have my light on, people can see through my window... I need to fix this. Don't want any peepers.

I have a lot to read tomorrow. But, at least I don't have to write any more essays until this weekend! You know that feeling you get when you accomplish something? That's what I'm feeling right now, but I really haven't even accomplished anything other than actually getting my papers written.

I still need a real hug. I've been missing physical contact with people. We've learned in my adult development and aging class that physical contact helps cognitive processing. So, I need to start touching more and getting out of my bubble. We'll see if that actually happens or not...

Life is good-ish... We'll see what happens later to see it that holds true.

Haha, I just wrote my title, and if you take out the commas, it is "content green hugs"... It reminds me of environmentalists. Let's not go into that topic tonight though (in fact, I don't think I ever write about politics on here... hmmm). Lol. Randomness!

Music & Reading

I have just decided that I love Maroon 5! They have some pretty great music. Just thought I'd let you know that I actually like some other music besides just country. Haha, I love country though... Last night, the Western Underground concert was pretty great, but I liked the opening act, Eric Dodge, even better. He had this song called Woman's World and I was laughing so hard at the lyrics. I love it :D

Ya, music has basically been my escape from school this semester. At lunch, I come home and play the piano (I think my mom wishes I'd learn some new songs...). Oh well. I enjoy playing, and I want to perfect some of these songs. Preferrably the ones I like. I really love Tocatta in D Minor, and Canon in D Minor (I think that's what it's called...). Anyways, it's the wedding march song, and it's lots of fun to play.

I think I read 100 pages of textbook today, not exaggerating. I had a test on friday, one on saturday, I have one tomorrow, one on tuesday, and another one this upcoming friday! I wish teachers would spread out their tests better. It's sort of my fault though... I haven't been keeping up with my reading in all of my classes. I only like reading for 2 of them, so the other 3 take backseats. One of the 3 I have to read and the other 2 I just get through by reading the summaries, bolded words, and captions. For some reason, grades seem less and less important the older I become.

Oh! The other night, me, Nicki, and Melissa just went out driving for not apparent reason. Somehow or another, we decided to find these guys Melissa was texting, and we found them at Walmart. It was an adventure. They didn't even say hi, but we went and sat in the back of my truck in the parking lot, just chilling. That was a pretty great night.

So, I think my printer is posessed... for some reason it keeps making weird noises at random moments. The weirdest thing is that the power's turned off! I just unplugged it because I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night simply because my printer is acting stupid.

That is all for tonight.

Life... A Rollercoaster?

Yay, I love emotional rollercoasters... not. Actually, I love rollercoaster, something I found out just this summer, but not when they take my emotions for a joy ride. Heh. I love the top of the rollercoaster, but when it starts to swoop down and go in circles, I hold on for dear life, not daring to move for fear that moving could cause me to fall off. That's what happens to my emotions. I get to a point where I am at the very top, then all of a sudden, BAM! There they take off... But, by this point, I'm already trapped and can't jump off. I have to wait for them to go through the course. There are plenty of high points, but also plenty of low ones as well, and some, I don't even know what they are, but they come back time and time again.

Can I just say that headaches during class are the worst... I hate getting headaches in general, but in class, I can't concentrate. Especially when the I'm dead tired, and all the teacher is doing is showing video clips. I almost fell asleep in class.

Ah! Excitement! I love unexpected surprised, especially when they are good surprises. I love my friends; they're so wonderful. And they cheer me up so much!

That is all.

I Just Need to Rant

So much for my happy moods. Have you ever felt like life just kicks you when you're down? Well, that's basically been my day today. I was excited to start the day. Ready for my statistics and development classes. I was going to make it a good day, but everything just seemed to be going wrong. I couldn't concentrate on homework because my house was too noisy. I tried to relax a little by playing piano, and I guess that was good. I just have way too many thoughts on my mind, and I don't have any way to release them because if I did, people would probably question my sanity.

Oh, I also didn't get the car I've been trying to get for the past week. I went over, and a guy came in with cash and got it instead. So, that's disappointing.

One of my friends came to me with a difficult problem, and I tried to help comfort her, so we went to the temple. That was nice, peaceful, and helped me clear my head a little bit. It was funny; we somehow got on the topic of couples and marriage and whatnot (I guess it's because we were at the temple or something), and were sitting out front when this guy leads his blindfolded girlfriend over to the front and proposes to her! I felt way awkward, so we left and chose another place to sit. It was interesting.

Before I left for the temple, I had this crazy insane headache. It's back again. I couldn't read my textbooks, and was going to take a nap. That didn't work. I read instead, and got an even worse headache. This is what hours of class all day can do to you. So, I have a bunch to read tomorrow. Thank goodness labor day weekend is soon. I really need to catch up with everything (already...).

Why does life have to be so stressful and complicated?

I just realized this today, but I'm making decisions right now that are going to affect the rest of my life. It really took a toll on me and I just thought about it for a minute. What do I really want out of life? I can't postpone these decisions much longer, so when should I make them? Now? Tomorrow? I don't have all the details, so how can I make the best decision for me? Gah! Can to you tell I'm completely overwhelemed.

Hopefully tomorrow brings a better day. In my mood right now though, I highly doubt that tomorrow will be any good. Maybe I'm lacking sleep. I know I'm lacking socialization that I've been depending on for a long time. I really need to find something that makes me happy. I'm usually pretty good at this (or at least at faking it), but recently, not so much. I'm tired, don't feel good, and can't seem to open up. What next?

Goodness, I need some sleep. Very badly. Maybe it'll cure some of the stress in my mind. Blogger, thank you for letting me rant. It was a good chat.