Seeing the Light in a Cold & Dreary World

I can think of a million things I should be doing right now. Test tomorrow to study for, reading my textbook, folding my clothes, practicing my guitar... well, maybe not a million things, but at least 4 things I should do but choose to not do. The reason I am not: I don't feel like it. If I've learned anything recently, it's that if you don't feel like doing something, then don't do it. Why should I submit myself to meaningless things that will barely affect the rest of my life? I can get an A or a B in my classes, and the only people who really care are myself and whichever school I apply to for grad school. That's it! So why do I obsess over learning so much?

Actually, I really enjoy learning. Just not really up to studying right now. I want to do something; be active; go to movies; take pictures with friends; go dancing; have fun while I'm still young enough not to care. But I do care. I care what impression I make on others, which is good in a way, but can be a real pain sometimes. I can barely start a conversation with someone anymore... unless I know them well, but that's different.

I got on here mostly to say that today has been very unproductive for me. I stayed at home all day, thanks to this lovely cold that seems to be going around. The most I accomplished was watching a lot of tv and becoming bored out of my mind. Dang, I am so sick of being sick! I had awesome plans for tonight. I was going to study for my abnormal psych test (which I still don't really like), then I was going to make dinenr, then me and some friends were going to go country dancing, but it will have to wait until some other time, sadly.

Hmmph... life is... unpredictable. I think that is the best word choice I can think of right now. I never know what to expect, and even when I think I have things figured out, something happens that makes me question my expectations. Then I get frustrated because I realize I don't have as much control over the situations in my life as I had once thought. It's not that bad though. Actually, it's more... eye-opening. I get to see reality for once instead of living in my comfort zone all the time. Perhaps this is meant to prepare me for other situations that will be encountered in my lifetime. Who knows...

Life does not suck. We all will die someday. But, even though being torn down and kicked to the curb can be tiresome and feel like the end of the world is coming, it really isn't. I can't wait until one day when I look back at my life and realize that the things I thought were so big were actually simple tests that I either passed or failed. And no matter what, I can choose to learn with every trial that I face. If you have read this far, I hope you will feel the same way too. No matter how bad life can become, there is always something to look forward to, always someone to love, and always a new day to be lived.

This just reminded me of a quote by Mother Teresa (whom I greatly admire). It says: If you judge people, you have no time to love them. I don't know why this thought came to me, but I think we can, not only apply this to others, but to ourselves as well. If we judge ourselves, if we don't realize that mistakes can really just be mistakes; if we judge so much that we can't forgive ourselves or others for what they have done... then we truly can't come to love them. Acceptance is the key to happiness. Accept yourself, then accept others. Learn to love, trust, and give.

Writing this blog just put me in a much better mood. I sincerely hope that you can feel happier if you finished this because it's probably the only blog post I've written in a long time that's even close to worth reading. In my Yoga class, we normally end with a short mantra that goes like this:
"May the long time sun shine upon you
All love surround you
And the pure light within you
Guide your way on."

The Art of Procrastination: Part One

Have you ever had those dreams where you're not asleep, yet not fully awake? Well, let me just tell you, they suck. I really wish I could either just sleep or just wake up, especially when the dream is semi-creepy-ish... It was about this really stupid demon-possession-exorcist movie, The Rite, which wasn't even that creepy. I wouldn't recommend it.

That's not what I got on here to write though. Actually, now that I think about it, I am not quite sure what I really wanted to write... Something about being excited for my research paper, yet not knowing exactly how I want to format it... yeah, that's kinda boring. Actually, I'm kinda boring.

Honestly, I don't know why anyone would want to read this blog, if anyone does. If you do, props to you. Honestly, I wouldn't read it if I didn't write it. You want to know what I just realized? I have very different voice when I'm writing casually as compared to when I'm writing for school or something like that. Hmmm... that's probably not very odd.

Oh yes, now I remember what I was going to write. The Art of Procrastination, 101. Hold on to your socks, because this is going to be one epic essay/story/blog entry...

The Art of Procrastination
Part One: A Tool Most Essential
Procrastination is an essential tool required for college students. You can find it in Aisle 2 right next to that textbook you buy but never open. It can also be found right before and after the party, any night before a test, and under your pillow (or under your bed, depending on your personality).

This "tool" is quite simple to use (haha, I almost put "you" instead of " use" right there... that would be weird though). First, you have to find it. If you can't find it, you create it out of thin air. It's quite simple to create procrastination. You simply open your computer, go to google, and type in "Where is Chuck Norris" and click "I'm Feeling Lucky." Then, you laugh and show it to all of your friends because it is epic. Other ways have been proposed to create procrastination, but this is one of my favorites.

Once you find or create procrastination, the instructions are quite self-explanatory. Open, use, save for later. It's as simple as that! Now you want to go try it, am I right? Of course you do, everyone loves procrastination!

Ok, I know this is starting to get out of hand, so I think I'm just going to finish this some other time, maybe when I'm not so tired... If any of this made sense, I applaud you for reading it. Maybe Part Two will continue in my next post. Who knows though... so, until next time.

A Typical Sunday: Homework, Self-Compassion, & Letter

Why do teachers all have to give tests at the same time? I have 3 tests this week alone! Gah, and they're all my first tests for these classes, so I'm already nervous enough. On top of things, I don't like one of my classes, abnormal psychology. It's not really my favorite subject; I would much rather be taking another social psych or neuroscience class instead.

Besides stress, I am quite excited about my research proposal topic this semester. The topic I chose is relatively new to the world of psychology, and I've talked about it before. It's called self-compassion. I'm not exactly sure what my proposal will be or what my research project will be, but I know it will have something to do with self-compassion and perhaps aggression or self-esteem.

Last thing for this post... I decided to write a missionary yesterday. I haven't sent my letter yet because I'm not sure if I have written all I want to say. I'm also kinda nervous about writing him. I mean, we were friends in school, but I never asked to write so I have to ask his bishop what the address is that I'd write to. Hopefully he enjoys the letter and doesn't think I'm weird or something like that. I actually don't know if anyone knows who I'm talking about here. Oh well...

Well, that is all for tonight. Until next time...

Wonderfully Busy Life and All that it Entails

So, I haven't written in a long time. Life is so busy! Gah, it's ridiculous! But I don't want to talk about my busy life... I want to explain it in detail, but I won't put anyone through that type of torture, so here's the shortened version instead. Enjoy!

I don't know what's been going on with my mind, but I feel so much calmer and more at peace in my life than I've felt in a long time. Honestly, I don't know what to attribute these feelings to. I thought it might be church, but I don't think it is. Maybe it's because I'm back on a schedule; I know what is expected of me and how I can accomplish it. Or, it could be this new yoga class I am taking.

My yoga class is pretty awesome - it's called Kundalini Yoga. Last week, we did meditation, a few basic exercises, and learned about the first chakkra. It's not like normal yoga; I would actually term it a self-compassion, -knowledge, -understanding type class since the whole goal is to align and come to peace with our emotions, minds, and bodies. I am fascinated with it and absolutely love the class. I thnk I talk about it as much as I do psychology, lol, which is quite something.

So I've been practicing the techniques and different "poses" at home, and I think it's really starting to change my understanding of myself. It's wonderfully crazy! I just want to share my excitement and joy with everyone I meet; they should all learn how to totally and completely relax without any thought.

I am also taking a beginning guitar class this semester. I don't know why I waited so long to take fun classes... they are the best! Anyhow, my guitar teacher is pretty awesome and I'm trying to learn the different notes and chords right now. You know how they say learning a new language helps you with your first language? Well, I'm hoping that the same principle applies to instruments. I've hit a road block in my music. So, I went out and bought some new piano books (one is the Keith Urban Defying Gravity CD for piano!) and am hoping those will help along with learning the guitar.

In other news, I was called to be class rep for my institute class, which I am still nervous/excited about. I get terrified in front of people and I forget what I want to say, so hopefully, I will be able to get over that sooner or later. Preferrably sooner rather than later... I already have enough anxiety and don't need any more to add to the stack. But I also hope that I'll be able to be a good class rep; I want to get to know everyone, which is a huge struggle for me, and I want to really grow and learn from this experience to help me become a better me. (cheesy, I know, but it's true).

Last thing I really want to address is my research project idea. I am fascinated in self-compassion. I want to know what it is, how it affects people, and how it relates to other areas of life. So, my research project is either going to be one of two things: first, it might be how self-compassion affects aggression levels (which would be a way fun study, and later could be used practically). Second, it might be how self-compassion affects self-control/self-regulation (this one could be a bit more practical later down the road, if my prediction is supported by the data). I'm really excited for this project, though I'm not sure if I will enjoy reading as many articles as I've already gathered, lol. It will definitely be a lot of work. But, if I carry it out over the summer or next fall, it will be awesome!

Oh, I actually lied. That wasn't the last thing I wanted to address. I have one more, and that is my possible summer internship. I finally got my personal statement written and submitted. Now, all I need is my college transcript and 2 teacher recommendations. I'm sad though, because I want my neuroscience professor to do one of the recommendations, and my cognitive psych teacher to do the other one, but they're married! So, I think maybe I'll get my social psych teacher to write one instead. Hopefully, I will be posting that I get the internship soon.... unless I don't, which I guess would be okay 'cause then I could do my research project over the summer instead. But I'm hoping everything works out!

Now, that really was the last topic. I shall be drifting off to sleep soon, so... until next time.

A Not-So Urgent Life Update

Happy belated new years! I have decided to do the generic thing and reminisce about last year. Basically, 2010 was a good year for me. I graduated from high school and college both with high honors, had a few culture shocks, got a 4.0 in college (both semesters!), made lots of new friends, learned to accept myself, and got through some really difficult situations. And, through all of the stress, I'm still here. Now I'm hoping 2011 is going to be even better than 2010.

That's all I want to say about new years. Now to important stuff, school. Everyone knows I am a hardcore student. I dedicate my life to education, studying, and doing the best I possibly can in areas that interest me, mainly psychology. I have new classes this semester that I'm stoked about, especially my fun classes since I've never had a fun easy class before. It should be a good semester.

So far, it has started out a good semester. I went to a 70-80's disco dance tonight and had a blast! By far one of the best dances I've ever been to in my entire life. Though, there was one part that I wasn't too pleased with. There was a guy that kept stalking me and my friends, or at least that's what it seemed. There was this one song that came on that was sorta a dirty dancing song and he kept lifting up his shirt and moving closer and I was creeped out. No more details, let's just say it was gross and he was disgusting. But other than that one time, the rest of the dance was a lot of fun.

I can't think of much else that has been happening that I wish to share on here. So, until next time...

My personality.... supposedly

I find it interesting that my ideal and real results were so similar with just a few minor changes. Hmmm....

Jung Ideal vs. Real Test Introversion |||||||||||||| 53% |||||||||||||||| 63% Extroversion |||||||||||| 50% |||| 20% Intuitive |||||||||||||| 53% |||||||||||||| 56% Sensing |||||||||||||| 53% |||||||||||||||||| 73% Feeling |||||||||||||| 53% |||||||||| 36% Thinking |||||||||||||||| 63% |||||||||||||||| 70% Judging |||||||||||||||| 66% |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Perceiving |||||||||| 33% |||||| 23% ideal you |||||| real you |||||| ideal type - INTJ, real type - ISTJ

Take Free Jung Ideal vs. Real Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Oh Well... A Bittersweet Moment

Finals are done! Finally... I'm quite sad about this as well though. I will miss my classes and teachers and people in my classes, though I'm sure I'll see most of them next semester... I think I've advised against this before, but do not, for the sake of your sanity and the sanity of those around you, I repeat, do Not take 5 upper division courses in one semester. You will stress out nonstop and practically go crazy with insanity... so, unless you want to live a hectic lifestyle, be more well-rounded in class schedules; take 4 upper division courses and a few fun classes instead (my schedule next semester). And, if you set crazy goals for yourself like, say, a 4.0 semester, you will go even crazier!

I really am so glad that I decided to do the psychology degree though. The things I've learned about the topic, and myself, have been very insightful. And I hope that someday I can use my knowledge to help the current and future generations. Psych is the perfect program for me though... see, I love the science part; the part where I can conduct experiments, do research, apply my knowledge to help improve the understanding of the human mind. But, I also love the philosophy part as well; coming up with ideas that are new, perhaps a little out there, and exciting.

Lol, many people are probably thinking this chick needs to get a life... yes, I would have to agree with you there. No more details here though.

Well, it's getting late. I know, this sounds a lot more like a journal entry than a blog entry, but oh well.