Memories...

As I look at my room, it is completely bare, except my bed, my computer, and a few scattered things on the floor. All the wall decorations are gone. The personality that has been so much a part of my life for the past 8 years... it's gone. Soon enough, the carpet will be replaced with a hard laminate flooring. My homemade desk will be replaced with a store-bought one. The blue ocean walls will soon become a tranquil green. And the ceiling will have the look of clouds. It will be the outdoors, but inside.

I'm actually really excited to have some change in my life, even if it is just redoing my room.
I was thinking about all of the changes happening in my house when I started thinking about all the changes that have been happening to me. I went through high school, made and lost friends, went to college... my life had its ups and its downs. Now, I'm graduated, I'm planning my future, and I need to be ready for whatever life throws at my doorstep.

For some odd reason, I started to think about the song, "Memory," from Cats. The memories from school started to flood over me. I remember one time sitting in my room with Tiffany, Jane, and Ashley as sophomores, discussing the most important topics of the day. I remember that someone opened my dresser drawers when I left the room for a minute, moved my books around, and started messing with little things they knew would make me mad. These were little pet peeves that now don't bother me.... as much.

Another memory just came to mind, and it was the first day of Success Academy. I was terrified. I hardly knew anyone in my class.... I'm not the best at making friends either. But, one girl in the class was sitting alone, and I sat next to her. Next thing I know, we became great friends, and from there, I became good friends with a lot of the other students in my class. We sure had a lot of fun in Success too... messing with the afternoon class, slacking off on homework until the last minute (well, I never did that, but I ended up helping those who did), our trips to Denny's, getting kicked out of class... I miss those times; the times that we were all together.

Oh how the memories keep flooding in...
I've had so many great times the past few years. I remember talking on the phone with good friends, a sleepover here and there, and listening to music while doing homework assignment after homework assignment... I've been stressed out, I've laughed, I've cried, I've lived through my teenage years and yet, I have a feeling that this is just the beginning...

I thought I knew everything to know about life. The truth is, I don't really know anything. Now, I know I have so much more to learn. I have so many more memories to create. A song just came on that I absolute love and it ... kinda fits... It has the word memory in it anyways. Keith Urban's "Making Memories of Us." Good song, then again, all of his songs are excellent.

So many changes are happening. I knew they were coming, and I guess I'm excited, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder what will happen. Even though I'm staying at home, I plan on having a great college experience. Memories are good and so is change. "Remember the past, live in the present, and fear not the future, for it doesn't exist and never shall... there is only now." One of my favorite quotes.

Anyways, I'm starting to ramble and this is becoming a really long post, so I think this will be the end.

18 & Aging

So, today's my birthday, and I wanted to share how I feel about being 18...
Well, to be honest, I don't really feel that much different. Yeah, I can vote now. I am considered an "adult." But does that change who I am? Not at all. I still feel the same way that I have in past weeks.
This might seem strange to some people, but growing up doesn't really scare me. In fact, I'm quite excited for whatever life might throw my way. I'm starting to realize what I want in life, my expectations, my likes and dislikes, and my real opinions. I think I'm finally starting to understand myself. Although I knew who I was a long time ago, I am growing so much, learning from my experiences (the good and the bad), and I know how to deal with difficult situations.
I just want to say what I did for my birthday. My parents got me tickets to go see Cats at Tuacahn. I was really excited, since I've never seen the musical before, and it exceeded my expectations. I laughed, cried, and felt like I really connected with the play. It has a great metaphorical meaning with which anyone can connect. Then today, I went to church, my grandparents wished me a happy birthday, and I got some presents. All in all, I have had a great 18th Birthday. Even though I'm now an adult, I don't quite feel the difference... I'm still the same.

Summer Boredom

The heat is throbbing as I take one step outside. Fire seems to engulf my entire persona. I don't know whether I've walked outside or into an oven. Welcome to summer in St. George. Most people quite enjoy the summer days; they'll swim, go to the lake, take a vacation, hang out with friends, and sleep... But, not me... Honestly, I think summer is quite easily my least favorite season. I feel as if I can't breathe properly when I'm outside, which makes me want to stay inside, which makes me feel as if I have nothing to do, which makes me feel like I need to do something, which makes me feel as if I can't do anything, which makes me feel like a failure... At least, that's how today feels. I am usually not a pessimist, but the heat may very well turn me into one.
Don't get me wrong, I love life, just.... well, not today. I kind of wish school would start so I would have something to preoccupy my mind and time. I get bored too easily and am ready for a change of pace. I thought I could keep myself busy with household duties, but I still get sidetracked, and half the time I don't want to do whatever I'm supposed to be doing. I don't want to be bored, but I want something different to preoccupy my time.
My mind is everywhere and no where all at the same time. I feel as if I don't know which way is up, or which direction I need to go. So many thoughts are engulfing my mind, and the summer boredom is doing nothing to help me figure out what I need to figure out. The problem is, I have been keeping my body busy, but I have nothing to occupy my thoughts. I keep trying to listen to music or read, but the thoughts keep reapproaching, and I don't know whether to shoo them away or to embrace them.
Life is too complicated. That's all I have to say. I sometimes wish that there were no problems in life, and that if there were problems, that other people would take care of them. But I know that would never help me grow and would never help me learn. So for right now, I need to learn to deal with these problems as best as possible. Fall, please come as soon as possible... Although you will without a doubt bring new problems, I just need a change.

Some Julius Caesar Satire

This was the final project for my English 0990 class during sophomore year. Me and a friend decided to create a newspaper, and this is one of my favorite articles. We wrote about Rome, Julius Caesar, politics, and other odd bits of information. This piece is "written" the day after the death of Julius Caesar and is meant to be satirical. If anyone actually reads this, enjoy! And please comment...

Well-known throughout the city, Brutus was a loving friend to Julius Caesar. Just before the funeral, he gave me (the reporter) all of the inside information between the relationship with him and Caesar, and the reasoning for the killing of his most dearly beloved friend. According to Brutus, "Julius Caesar was a great man, yet he needed to die for he was ambitious. Many of us Senators decided to lessen his worries of the next twenty years by giving him peace of mind right now. We did not hurt Caesar, quite the contrary. We saved him from himself, and we saved him from Rome. Had he not died now, he would have dealt with the worry about dying for years to come. Alas, never think this a wrongdoing, yet a deed unto a great and noble friend. He was a snake waiting to crack out of his shell and conquer all of Rome." As we well know, Brutus and all of the other conspirators were driven out of town yesterday, so there is no need to hide the truth. Honorable Brutus was just trying to save his friend from the suffering and misery of a lifetime. Maybe if we were all honorable friends like Brutus and killed everybody, nobody would ever have to suffer on this earth. Oh gods, rest poor Caesar's soul!

The Mess of Cleaning

Paint flying in every direction, the carpet is gone only to be replaced with laminate flooring, and curtains are washed... For the past couple of days, me, my sister, and my mom have been laboriously trying to redo Caitlyn's room. This, as you might guess, has been quite the project. Our house is a mess of bedroom furniture, some scattered in my room, some in my mom's room, and the rest is piled in the kitchen. Knick-knacks and junk are being sorted out; some will stay, some will be thrown in the trash. All the walls have been repainted a medium purple, and the floor is now a brownish-blue. Sweating, cleaning, painting... Even though it's a lot of work, it has still been quite fun. Now, it's almost done. And what happens when all the work has ended? It will only be replaced by more work, more stress, and more mess. The cleaning and remodeling has just begun...